Friend who maintains contact with Ex

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

One of my closest friends has maintained a friendship with my BPDx. They met each other through me, they were not friends nor did they even know each other before.

At first I saw it as an act of manipulation. He wasn't able to meet someone within a week or two of dumping me and I told her that he was just leaving his options open. Sure enough he began telling her how badly he had messed up and how much he loved and missed me.

That has stopped. I have requested that she not mention him to me or tell me anything about his life or what or how he is doing. Good or bad.

This is one of the things I have been struggling with the most. I wanted solidarity from one of my closest friends. I feel the window of opportunity to say, "You treated my friend like dirt and lied to her, I want nothing to do with you," has closed. It's been three months. And if she were even willing to say, "I can't hang out with you, it's too hurtful for pixiegurl," it just make me look crazy.

It feels selfish and childish to expect her to also have NC. But she know how much the situation bothers me. I don't like him having any connection to my life. And I know deep down a part of it is that I'm sad that I'm not the one who hears from him... . which is insane!

I want to let this go. I don't want to have hard feelings towards someone I care about. I do not want my ex to harm my current friendships that are very important to me. But I also sad my friend hasn't stood up for me. I'm disgusted that my ex would continue to hang out with my best friend. It almost feels like he is doing it because he knows it would bother me. But then I feel narcissist for assuming this... . ARGH! This whole experience has left me whirling. I don't know what is up or down anymore.

[pixiegurl]

One of my closest friends has maintained a friendship with my BPDx. They met each other through me, they were not friends nor did they even know each other before.

At first I saw it as an act of manipulation. He wasn't able to meet someone within a week or two of dumping me and I told her that he was just leaving his options open. Sure enough he began telling her how badly he had messed up and how much he loved and missed me.

That has stopped. I have requested that she not mention him to me or tell me anything about his life or what or how he is doing. Good or bad.

This is one of the things I have been struggling with the most. I wanted solidarity from one of my closest friends. I feel the window of opportunity to say, "You treated my friend like dirt and lied to her, I want nothing to do with you," has closed. It's been three months. And if she were even willing to say, "I can't hang out with you, it's too hurtful for pixiegurl," it just make me look crazy.

It feels selfish and childish to expect her to also have NC. But she know how much the situation bothers me. I don't like him having any connection to my life. And I know deep down a part of it is that I'm sad that I'm not the one who hears from him... . which is insane!

I want to let this go. I don't want to have hard feelings towards someone I care about. I do not want my ex to harm my current friendships that are very important to me. But I also sad my friend hasn't stood up for me. I'm disgusted that my ex would continue to hang out with my best friend. It almost feels like he is doing it because he knows it would bother me. But then I feel narcissist for assuming this... . ARGH! This whole experience has left me whirling. I don't know what is up or down anymore.

[letmeout]

You can't control who your friend's befriend; there use to be an unwritten code that your best friend is suppose to have your back. That doesn't seem to be the case anymore these days. My best friend only likes to drink with my ex because she enjoys watching him make a fool of himself and talk crazy. Its like a game or something.

Their friendship bothered me at first, then I asked her to quit mentioning him to me completely. When I realized that he truly isn't a part of my life anymore, I let it go.

Every day I spend out of his life, makes me feel more grateful that he isn't part of mine. Just compare the good/bad memories and know you never deserved the bad part. You will get to that point!

[Narellan]

I really feel for you. It's hard having them still moving in your friendship circle. Read my prior posts re my bestie( now ex bestie) and my ex BPD. In a brief nutshell he and I grew up together, share same friends, I've known him and his family 35 years, but haven't kept in contact with them. My " best friend" went on a friends only date with him then reacquainted him with me and he and I then became intensely involved BPD style for 4 months, on and off of course. At our final split which was when we were at our most connected and intense, he began messaging her through FB within 2 days of our split . I always wondered if they were still flirting behind my back... . Ex bestie flirts with everyone and has a string of men she sleeps with. She's always bagged him to my face and encouraged me to end things with him. She lied to me after my split with him and said she hasn't heard from him. But I discovered they talk daily and gave made plans to catch up. While I'm in despair she is betraying me. He bags me to her and she doesn't defend me. I decided I don't want a friend like that. So I've ended it with her now. I don't think about what they're saying behind my back I don't care. I need peace of mind and I feel really relieved to have the two of them out of my life. I'm not advising you to take this action but I'm sharing with you what happened in my case. You may start becoming suspicious of their real friendship and with a BPD there are no boundaries, he won't care who he hurts. Good luck XX