What would you do if your ex sent you this text?

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

If your ex texted you today and said "My car broke down by the side of the road, will you come and get me?"

What would you do?

I would ignore the text and figure she can just walk home, call a taxi, hitch-hike, AAA or find somebody else she knows to get her.

My uBPDstbxw (NC 8 months) (no kids) abandoned me with nothing and quite coldly with no concern for my safety.

Is this evil? I don't think so. I am not AAA roadside service or going to be on standby till her heart thaws out of it's cold deep freeze and then calls me either.

I feel she will call me one day and I find it's best for me to be somewhat prepared for a couple possible scenarios with her. Nothing to loose sleep over though. I never want to see her or hear from her again.

I thought by posing this question it would be interesting to hear other non's perspectives to a scenario like this.


AO

[AwakenedOne]

If your ex texted you today and said "My car broke down by the side of the road, will you come and get me?"

What would you do?

I would ignore the text and figure she can just walk home, call a taxi, hitch-hike, AAA or find somebody else she knows to get her.

My uBPDstbxw (NC 8 months) (no kids) abandoned me with nothing and quite coldly with no concern for my safety.

Is this evil? I don't think so. I am not AAA roadside service or going to be on standby till her heart thaws out of it's cold deep freeze and then calls me either.

I feel she will call me one day and I find it's best for me to be somewhat prepared for a couple possible scenarios with her. Nothing to loose sleep over though. I never want to see her or hear from her again.

I thought by posing this question it would be interesting to hear other non's perspectives to a scenario like this.


AO

[charred]

If it was my exBPDgf... ignore it. If exwife... respond/help out.

Don't know your situation, but unless you have kids and ongoing contact ... . would ignore it.

My exBPDgf... manufactured crisis after crisis to re-establish contact.

Nothing good ever came from it.

YMMV

[Narellan]

I wouldn't respond either. But it would pull at my heart strings for a while and I'd ruminate over it afterward. That's my problem though because I'm a rescuer and I would feel chuffed that he felt he could rely on me. I've gotta do some work on that. Afterward I'd want to text back my reasons for not responding. It's really a good idea to create scenarios where I am in control and keeping NC. I'm only 7 weeks NC though. Ill get stronger. Good thread.

[Banshee]

I would unfortunately ... maybe it's because he's never asked anything of me like that or that I've not had enough torture or humiliation, but yea, I'd go get his sorry butt.

I would look my best and be in a hurry though ... ...

[Trent]

My uBPDstbxw (NC 8 months) (no kids) abandoned me with nothing and quite coldly with no concern for my safety.

Ignore.  What goes around, comes around.  

Also, could be a test to see if you still care.

[Split black]

If your ex texted you today and said "My car broke down by the side of the road, will you come and get me?"

What would you do?

I would ignore the text and figure she can just walk home, call a taxi, hitch-hike, AAA or find somebody else she knows to get her.

My uBPDstbxw (NC 8 months) (no kids) abandoned me with nothing and quite coldly with no concern for my safety.

Is this evil? I don't think so. I am not AAA roadside service or going to be on standby till her heart thaws out of it's cold deep freeze and then calls me either.

I feel she will call me one day and I find it's best for me to be somewhat prepared for a couple possible scenarios with her. Nothing to loose sleep over though. I never want to see her or hear from her again.

I thought by posing this question it would be interesting to hear other non's perspectives to a scenario like this.


AO

They contact their ex fu*ks when they need something. She probably went down the list till she came to you because the others were busy or told her to crawl under a rock.  Sorry Im a bit angry these days. Feels good. No disrespect.

[AwakenedOne]

I would look my best and be in a hurry though ... ...

[Narellan]

  hahaha split black. You're right on the money though. Or another recycle attempt? Made me laugh because I'm going through the anger stage too ATM

[BacknthSaddle]

I would certainly not go (unless my kids were in the car), but I probably would write back and say I'm sorry, I can't help with that now. This came up in a thread earlier today, but I feel like responding in a firm, boundary-respecting, neutral way confers more dignity than ignoring.

Of course, that's just me with my ex. I completely respect why someone might ignore entirely.

[Banshee]

I would look my best and be in a hurry though ... ... wink

shocked

LOL Meaning I would look good let him think I was going out and in a hurry to get to my better plans ... haha.

[Cardinals in Flight]

I think in my last communication I kinda fixed this hypothetical by saying, "I'm not your beck and call girl, door mat, option and last resort".  

CiF aka Hector Projector

[cosmonaut]

Surely she has someone else that can help her out, right?  If she's truly without anyone to help, maybe I would respond out of Christian charity, but otherwise I think I would just let it pass.  She's been rather awful to you, hasn't she?

[going places]

If your ex texted you today and said "My car broke down by the side of the road, will you come and get me?"

What would you do?

I would ignore the text and figure she can just walk home, call a taxi, hitch-hike, AAA or find somebody else she knows to get her.

My uBPDstbxw (NC 8 months) (no kids) abandoned me with nothing and quite coldly with no concern for my safety.

Is this evil? I don't think so. I am not AAA roadside service or going to be on standby till her heart thaws out of it's cold deep freeze and then calls me either.

I feel she will call me one day and I find it's best for me to be somewhat prepared for a couple possible scenarios with her. Nothing to loose sleep over though. I never want to see her or hear from her again.

I thought by posing this question it would be interesting to hear other non's perspectives to a scenario like this.


AO

1. When my soon to be ex IS an ex? He will not have my phone number. So I will NEVER have to worry about getting a text or call from him, ever.

He will be an EX for a reason.

And I do not keep the phone numbers of people who abuse me in my phone.

[Indigo Sky]

I would simply not respond!

[mywifecrazy]

[/quote]
And I do not keep the phone numbers of people who abuse me in my phone.[/quote]
AMEN TO THAT!

#1 I block her from calling or texting me so I wouldn't have to worry about it.

I do unblock her when she is with my kids so if I got the call I would show up and pick up my kids by the roadside and tell her to call her current boyfriend or one of her plan B, C, D, etc. boyfriends she has lined up on the side to RESCUE her from there.

I would also QUESTION weather her car is REALLY broken down or if this is just some typical BPD BS.  I've learned to doubt anything in her world is as she portrays it.  The truth usually lies outside of what she is PRESENTING!

[charred]

I wouldn't respond either. But it would pull at my heart strings for a while and I'd ruminate over it afterward. That's my problem though because I'm a rescuer and I would feel chuffed that he felt he could rely on me. I've gotta do some work on that. Afterward I'd want to text back my reasons for not responding. It's really a good idea to create scenarios where I am in control and keeping NC. I'm only 7 weeks NC though. Ill get stronger. Good thread.

That is a very honest answer.

I have been a rescuer and thought it was virtuous, then read a book that changed my mind. "The Pathway" by Laurel Mellin. She points out that the flip side of rescuing is persecuting, that they always go together... and that rescuing at its heart is based on disrespect. You have to see the other person as less than you, less capable of coping with life, in order to rescue them, and put yourself above them as a rescuer. You also will have resentment about the situation and it has a tendency over time, with repeated rescues, to fester and pull you down. Her book is the first I have seen that seems accurate about how we get where we are and what to do about it... . tough love at its finest.

7 weeks NC is a hard place to be, I am approaching 18 months... and feel like the first few months were brutal, after about 6 months it was better... stress was down, by 9 months was over the hump and done with ruminating and obsessing. Switched from thinking of her and our failed r/s, to me, and my problems (FOO and my own shortcomings), then to outside world and living life.

Stay with it... can highly suggest a T and that book I mentioned.

Good Luck

[sirius]

I would just say sorry wrong number 

[BacknthSaddle]

For what it's worth, I had a vaguely similar experience recently.  After weeks of not contacting me my ex texted asking if I would write her for antibiotics (I'm a physician).  She said she could go to the doctor later that morning but wanted to see if she could get them more quickly.  She knew I would say no to this, as I'd never write a script for someone who was not my own patient and I hadn't examined myself. 

I did respond, saying I was not comfortable with that.  She guilted me about it, then texted me an 90 minutes later saying she had gotten them from her doctor.  In this case, responding dispassionately and firmly did a few things for me.  First, it helped me reestablish some boundaries, which felt good.  Second, by provoking the guilt trip, it reminded/made clear to me exactly what type of person I was dealing with.  The encounter was enlightening.  Now, when I get angry and I want to text her so I can "make her understand" how she made me feel, how cruel she was, etc, I just remember this encounter, remind myself that her only interest is having her needs met, realize it's a waste of time, and realize I don't want someone like that in my life anyway. 

[mywifecrazy]

Now, when I get angry and I want to text her so I can "make her understand" how she made me feel, how cruel she was, etc, I just remember this encounter, remind myself that her only interest is having her needs met, realize it's a waste of time, and realize I don't want someone like that in my life anyway. 

There is much WISDOM in this statement. I know I'm in a better place when I keep this in mind.

Of course I wouldn't expect anything less from someone who has username based on a GREAT rock song from one of the best hard rock albums of all time!

[WhoMe51]

I received a text from my xdBPDgf telling me she was in the ER because she was having chest pains. I didn't know if she was serious or just another attempt to get me to engage. I asked her if I needed to contact her mom or other family. She said that they knew where she was. I just told her that I hoped everything was ok. I really didn't know what to do. And then out of the blue am hour later she showed up at my house. She said the doctor told her that it was just anxiety and gave her medicine that she said she wasn't going to take. I still don't know if any of it were true or not. She came over begging me for another chance and I said no.

[Cardinals in Flight]

I received a text from my xdBPDgf telling me she was in the ER because she was having chest pains. I didn't know if she was serious or just another attempt to get me to engage. I asked her if I needed to contact her mom or other family. She said that they knew where she was. I just told her that I hoped everything was ok. I really didn't know what to do. And then out of the blue am hour later she showed up at my house. She said the doctor told her that it was just anxiety and gave her medicine that she said she wasn't going to take. I still don't know if any of it were true or not. She came over begging me for another chance and I said no.

Honestly? This was my line of work, most medical facilities have strict chest pain protocols, being released (anxiety or not) before 24 hour observation is a big no no!  IF she really was in ER, she could have signed out against medical advice, AMA.  just FYI

CiF

[WhoMe51]

I figured it was just a hoax. She was pulling the sympathy card. I asked her about the medicine and she couldn't tell me the name. She went to the ER because she thought she was having a stroke last night. I asked why did they let you go so soon. She said that they ruled out everything but anxiety. When she came to my house, she kept pleading with me not to breakup with her. And every time I would say that I didn't want to continue she would hold her chest as if what I was saying was making her condition flair up. It was just more manipulation to keep me engaged.

[mywifecrazy]

I figured it was just a hoax. She was pulling the sympathy card. I asked her about the medicine and she couldn't tell me the name. She went to the ER because she thought she was having a stroke last night. I asked why did they let you go so soon. She said that they ruled out everything but anxiety. When she came to my house, she kept pleading with me not to breakup with her. And every time I would say that I didn't want to continue she would hold her chest as if what I was saying was making her condition flair up. It was just more manipulation to keep me engaged.

I had to take my uBPDxw to the emergency room twice for phantom chest pains and other phantom conditions. It's sad, I think my X did it for attention. A very horrible way to live! She still PISSES ME OFF beyond belief as she's caused me much pain and heartache but when I can try to take myself out of the line of fire (hard most of the time) I can't help to feel a little sorry for her. It is a pathetic existence!

PS I still wouldn't come to her RESCUE if she called me about anything!