How did your exBPD console you?

[Banshee]

After being downgraded after the first BU to the "friend zone with benefits" I stayed the night after um doing the deed I cried... I couldn't help it ... he held me but then started patting my back... it was kinda hard like the way you would burp a baby?

It was so uncomfortable feeling that it did stop the crying ... I noticed that is what he would do anytime I got upset ,, he wouldn't say much but pat away.

How did your exBPD console you?

[AwakenedOne]

My ex would console with words. She really did have moments of caring which showed. She would say "You know... . you are such a great guy" or "You are such a nice person / good person." Actually that was one of the nice things to remember. But sometimes like in the movie "The Eternal Sunshine Of The Spotless Mind" it would be best if all the memories could be just erased.

[Hurtbeyondrepair27]

After being downgraded after the first BU to the "friend zone with benefits" I stayed the night after um doing the deed I cried... I couldn't help it ... he held me but then started patting my back... it was kinda hard like the way you would burp a baby?

It was so uncomfortable feeling that it did stop the crying ... I noticed that is what he would do anytime I got upset ,, he wouldn't say much but pat away.

How did your exBPD console you?

My x downgraded me too... man they are just so predictable. Clearly, this wasn't because of OUR inadequacy.

And he was pretty good at consoling... depending on the situation... . but when I was crying... no response when I walked away.

He made a very forced sad face the last time I saw him with no words.

Very baffling. His mother never gave him any affection. He just wasn't taught... huge

empathy problems.

[Banshee]

You know when I think about it the only time I needed consoling was after the break up... . when we were together there was no time for me to have any problems ... it was all about his crisis depression and hard day ... wow I just realized that.

  I do remember while together I got a job that paid less (before I made more than he did) He kinda smiled and said "I hate to see you struggle."

Funny  you don't have a problem smirking about it though... huh?

[HappyNihilist]

Whenever I would cry, he would tell me that my tears made him angry.

What do you mean that's not considered consolation? 

[Hurtbeyondrepair27]

It's so weird my attraction to BPD's that smirk was heartless... but drew me closer too.

Even think about the face now I find it sexy.

How screwed up is that? Thank God for therapy!

Lot's of sexual chemistry despite his lack

of emotional intelligence.

[Banshee]

It's so weird my attraction to BPD's that smirk was heartless... but drew me closer too.

Even think about the face now I find it sexy.

Oh yea  and the lil tilt of the head while giving the one corner smirk gaaaaa! 

[Hurtbeyondrepair27]

It's so weird my attraction to BPD's that smirk was heartless... but drew me closer too.

Even think about the face now I find it sexy.

Oh yea  and the lil tilt of the head while giving the one corner smirk gaaaaa! 

Right Ugh! must stop this! ! I have to literally eject the sex and the touching out of my mind...

b/c then the urge to contact  multiplies by ten.

[AwakenedOne]

I do remember while together I got a job that paid less (before I made more than he did) He kinda smiled and said "I hate to see you struggle."

Funny  you don't have a problem smirking about it though... huh?

What do you make of him doing that? That's really bizarre. That doesn't seem like a BPD trait. Is he sadistic?

[tholian]

My uBPDx never paid much attention to my issues. I will say things that are bothering me, but never got much consoling. So, slowly stopped talking things are bothering me.

[HappyNihilist]

OK, I'll be a little bit fair.   He was great at consoling me when we were friends, and still very good at it through most of the first year. As long as I wasn't crying because of something he did/said. In which case... . tears=angry.

After about 7 months or so, though, the consoling pretty much stopped, replaced by cold disinterest or outright anger ("Just get over it," etc.). And yes, my tears still made him angry.

It's so weird my attraction to BPD's that smirk was heartless... but drew me closer too.

Even think about the face now I find it sexy.

Oh yea  and the lil tilt of the head while giving the one corner smirk gaaaaa!  

I swear we all dated the same man, HBR and Banshee. Did yours also do the smirk followed by a wink?

[Hurtbeyondrepair27]

OK, I'll be a little bit fair.   He was great at consoling me when we were friends, and still very good at it through most of the first year. As long as I wasn't crying because of something he did/said. In which case... . tears=angry.

After about 7 months or so, though, the consoling pretty much stopped, replaced by cold disinterest or outright anger ("Just get over it," etc.). And yes, my tears still made him angry.

It's so weird my attraction to BPD's that smirk was heartless... but drew me closer too.

Even think about the face now I find it sexy.

Oh yea  and the lil tilt of the head while giving the one corner smirk gaaaaa!  

I swear we all dated the same man, HBR and Banshee. Did yours also do the smirk followed by a wink?

Damn! No wink... but that would be super irresistible for me!

Ugh. Can't wait to get over him.

[Narellan]

I was only upset once while we were together. He was taking me to the airport after 5 days of bliss and I just felt overwhelmed that I wouldn't see him again for some time. I was sitting beside him while he drove and I had silent tears running down my face. He took my hand and reached it up to his lips and kissed it and said " everything you're feeling, I'm feeling" I looked at him and he had tears in his eyes.

He dumped me 3 days later with 3 words " were just friends"

[Narellan]

Hahaha yep I got the smirk and wink. And mine was so very affectionate, and talked about his feelings all the time. And the sex was out of this world. Best ever and he knew it. And yes we should now stay in track cos this thinking brings me undone too x

[cosmonaut]

My ex could be quite affectionate and comforting.  When I would have a hard day, she would often jump behind me and start rubbing my back.  She gave such amazing back rubs.  She would throw her arms around me and hold me so tight if I was sad.  She was very willing to talk and listen if I needed to talk.  She would throw her legs over my lap on the couch and just sit and talk.  She would cook things I like and surprise me with them.  She could be so tender and so loving.  As the relationship went on this became less and less, but for the first year she really could be very comforting.  I miss it terribly.

[TitaniumPhoebe]

mine did nice things, which is why I stayed as long as I did, but when I left and he kept bugging me I got a TRO and never looked back. The nice things he always did seemed to have a motive though, and if he didn't get what he wanted he threw a tantrum.

[Banshee]

My ex could be quite affectionate and comforting.  When I would have a hard day, she would often jump behind me and start rubbing my back.  She gave such amazing back rubs.  She would throw her arms around me and hold me so tight if I was sad.  She was very willing to talk and listen if I needed to talk.  She would throw her legs over my lap on the couch and just sit and talk.  She would cook things I like and surprise me with them.  She could be so tender and so loving.  As the relationship went on this became less and less, but for the first year she really could be very comforting.  I miss it terribly.

This is heartbreaking, makes me kinda glad his was a butt most of the time.

[Emelie Emelie]

When he was on an even emotional keel he treated me pretty well.  But I can't say that he ever "consoled" me.  In fact if I was having problems with people at work or with my daughter he didn't want to hear about it.  It was "hard" for him to hear about my problems "because he couldn't do anything about it" and it just "caused him a lot of stress".  Tears didn't move him at all.  In fact once when he lost it on me and I started crying he said "Yeah, go cry.  I am so sick of your crying."  I was having a huge crisis at work one time. It was a really difficult and public situation.  Press was involved, I was being publicly criticized and couldn't comment or defend myself.  It was  really hard.  I was at his house that evening and I was still getting calls and texts and I had to deal with this.  He told me to put my phone away... . this was "his" time.  I said I can't do that right now.  (Incredulous.)  He said then maybe you had better leave.  He was furious. 

Oh thank you for reminding me of that story.

[TitaniumPhoebe]

When he was on an even emotional keel he treated me pretty well.  But I can't say that he ever "consoled" me.  In fact if I was having problems with people at work or with my daughter he didn't want to hear about it.  It was "hard" for him to hear about my problems "because he couldn't do anything about it" and it just "caused him a lot of stress".  Tears didn't move him at all.  In fact once when he lost it on me and I started crying he said "Yeah, go cry.  I am so sick of your crying."  I was having a huge crisis at work one time. It was a really difficult and public situation.  Press was involved, I was being publicly criticized and couldn't comment or defend myself.  It was  really hard.  I was at his house that evening and I was still getting calls and texts and I had to deal with this.  He told me to put my phone away... . this was "his" time.  I said I can't do that right now.  (Incredulous.)  He said then maybe you had better leave.  He was furious. 

Oh thank you for reminding me of that story.

Oh, this sounds familiar. I actually think my husband enjoyed seeing me cry. I just remembered that. Instead of a normal reaction of a compassionate person that tries to make you feel better, he actually seemed to enjoy it. And if I got upset about something (like I sued someone who injured me and it was stressful for me) he told me I was ruining my life. So now that I think about it, no, he never consoled me. He just did a lot of nice things but I don't think he liked not being the center of attention