No Contact Was Broke.

[BPD Magnet 1]

Hello Everyone,

 It has been a long time since I have posted on here.I hope all is well with everyone.I am not the best writer in the world so please forgive me if I misspell words.I am 46 years old and I just learned how to read and write better at age 40.So I will do my best to write this.

 I have had NO CONTACT for 1 year and 11 months.Like we hear a lot,she left me holding the bag and I had no closure.I was clueless to why she would do such a horrible thing.She disconnected every means of communication and I was discarded and abandoned after a 7 year relationship.She went right off the grid and into hiding.This fact nearly KILLED ME.I can admit to everyone that this was the worst PAIN I ever endured in my life.I am 6'2 and all man but this brought me to my knees.This is when I found these forums.Thank God.These forum led me to Therapy and I still go the Therapy.

 To bring you up to date.The home I bought her in NY is doing good.I am still here and I ended up remodeling this whole place.I made it into a sanctuary and a safe,peaceful place.I did some wonderful landscaping to bring the birds and life back into this once DARK ''rubber room'',LOL,LOL...

 My small business is doing very well.I still am going to Therapy.I have been 100% Single for 2 years now and sex-less.This is the very first time in my life I have been single and sex-less for more than 90 days.This in itself was a blessing in disguise.I needed to focus on ME and My Life.And what a ride it has been.

 The reason I am writing today is because I hit a huge bump in the road.I own my own small trucking business and I was on a run 1 week ago today.I was moving some Military Stuff from Ft Drum NY.While I was heading out to the Midwest my phone rang.I looked down and it was 'restricted number''.I did not even think about it at the time.Reason being is many Brokers call me restricted for work.I picked it up and low and behold it was my EXBPD.!... .        

 She reappeared after 1 year and 11 months.This shook me up a lot.I worked so hard in Therapy and I had to look at this as a death.That was the only way I was going to come out of the hell I was in.I came so far in these last 2 years.It seemed this call put me back a a few steps.

 She said ''Hi M***''.I said who is this and she said it is @@@@.I nearly died all over again.I asked her why she has decided to contact me and I never got any answer.So we ended up talking for 56 minutes.As usual it was all about HER!... LOL,LOL.

 My dog is doing good ... Her Two girls I grew to love are doing good too.She seems to be OK too.We kept it short and talked like 2 old friends getting caught up.I wanted to blast her but I choose to be mature and not 'go there''.I just could not bring myself to lay it all out there and go over our relationship of 7 years.

 :)uring this phone call I realized two things.One was,She never asked me HOW MY LIFE IS and HOW I AM DOING.She was still selfish,self centered,non compassionate and not interested in me as a human being.Number two is what I seen in myself.I am still the same loving,giving,caring unselfish man she met.I went right to trying to see if she needed anything and if her and the kids were doing good.In spite of all she did to me I came to her and responded in LOVE.

Once we hung up I pulled my rig over in Ohio.I walked around my rig and seen the lake Erie from where I was.Low and behold I began cry like a baby.That is the truth.I loved her so much and gave so much to that relationship until I was nearly DEAD.I feel like She took a part of me that is unexplainable.Once I gained my composure I jumped back into my rig and continued my run.In the morning I called my Therapist and made an appointment ASAP.

 So here I am again having some sleepless nights and wondering WHY she called out of the blue 2 years later.Again I never got a direct answer and she promised to call me again and never did.LMAO.

 Thanks for listening to me everyone.I had to get this out in the open...

 


 

[bruised]

I wanted to blast her but I choose to be mature and not 'go there''.

Good for you. Well done! 

[AwakenedOne]

I can admit to everyone that this was the worst PAIN I ever endured in my life.

Hi BPDMagnet1,

First off, great job of recovering from the pain of losing her. You have worked hard. You have a great attitude and are very observant of her behavior on the phone also.

Where do you go from here? Are you wanting her to call you? What if she says she wants to get back together?  Your saying she just talked about herself right?

So you don't have another 2 years of pain be careful.

AO

[seeking balance]

  So here I am again having some sleepless nights and wondering WHY she called out of the blue 2 years later.Again I never got a direct answer and she promised to call me again and never did.LMAO.

You know, this is a gauge of where you are - nothing more and nothing less.  She called to catch up and you chose to do it... . honestly, it is not the end of the world, it only feels that way for you right now.

Nothing about your life has changed - you have good routine and good coping skills to fall back on and you are - good job

You got through this before and you will again much quicker - let your wise mind come into play here.

You learned a couple key things about yourself - what do you want to do next time this happens?

[cosmonaut]

Wow, I'm really sorry to hear about your ex stirring everything up for you again.  I'm sure that you have worked very hard to move on from her and to heal.

I understand how devastating it can be to have someone abandon you - someone you believed loved you completely.  My ex did very similar to me.  She broke up and left and went completely no contact.  Just like that.  No reason or explanation she could give other than she's really messed up and she has to work on herself.  She absolutely refused to change her mind or try to work anything out.  The only thing she was certain of was that she was leaving and there was nothing I could do to change that.  It has been hard to deal with, but I'm managing.  Things were stirred up for me again recently when I reached out to her after months of no contact at all.  I received the coldest reply imaginable:  "This relationship is over.  Don't ever contact me again."

It's hard to understand the behavior of such a disordered person.  It's not rational - it's entirely emotionally driven.  pwBPD are, in more ways than not, slaves to their emotions of the moment.   For whatever reason, and who knows what it was, she decided that you could provide her whatever she needed emotionally when she called.  You are right, though, this was all about her.  She likely did not even consider how her calling might affect you.   BPD is a serious disorder.  I have to keep telling myself that continuously.

Do you still want to have any contact with her?  What do you want to do if she calls again?  Have you really moved on from her or are you still attached?  These are hard questions to answer, but important ones to consider.

Also, you deserve serious commendation for continuing to improve yourself.  Improving your reading and writing at 40 is not something most people would be able to do.  That's a great accomplishment and you should be proud!   

[BPD Magnet 1]

Wow, I'm really sorry to hear about your ex stirring everything up for you again.  I'm sure that you have worked very hard to move on from her and to heal.

I understand how devastating it can be to have someone abandon you - someone you believed loved you completely.  My ex did very similar to me.  She broke up and left and went completely no contact.  Just like that.  No reason or explanation she could give other than she's really messed up and she has to work on herself.  She absolutely refused to change her mind or try to work anything out.  The only thing she was certain of was that she was leaving and there was nothing I could do to change that.  It has been hard to deal with, but I'm managing.  Things were stirred up for me again recently when I reached out to her after months of no contact at all.  I received the coldest reply imaginable:  "This relationship is over.  Don't ever contact me again."

It's hard to understand the behavior of such a disordered person.  It's not rational - it's entirely emotionally driven.  pwBPD are, in more ways than not, slaves to their emotions of the moment.   For whatever reason, and who knows what it was, she decided that you could provide her whatever she needed emotionally when she called.  You are right, though, this was all about her.  She likely did not even consider how her calling might affect you.   BPD is a serious disorder.  I have to keep telling myself that continuously.

Do you still want to have any contact with her?  What do you want to do if she calls again?  Have you really moved on from her or are you still attached?  These are hard questions to answer, but important ones to consider.

Also, you deserve serious commendation for continuing to improve yourself.  Improving your reading and writing at 40 is not something most people would be able to do.  That's a great accomplishment and you should be proud!   

Do you still want to have any contact with her?  What do you want to do if she calls again?  Have you really moved on from her or are you still attached?  These are hard questions to answer, but important ones to consider.N

No I am ok just keeping on keeping on and growing.If she called again I feel I would want an APOLOGY for the way she she did me dirty and the hurtful things she did.I have moved on about 75% and counting.I am still grieving but not like it used to be.I even have a couple of nice female friends I am starting to actually trust in our friendship.It has been a long long haul...

[BPD Magnet 1]

  So here I am again having some sleepless nights and wondering WHY she called out of the blue 2 years later.Again I never got a direct answer and she promised to call me again and never did.LMAO.

You know, this is a gauge of where you are - nothing more and nothing less.  She called to catch up and you chose to do it... . honestly, it is not the end of the world, it only feels that way for you right now.

Nothing about your life has changed - you have good routine and good coping skills to fall back on and you are - good job

You got through this before and you will again much quicker - let your wise mind come into play here.

You learned a couple key things about yourself - what do you want to do next time this happens?

You learned a couple key things about yourself - what do you want to do next time this happens?

Great Question... I am really not sure.I feel I would want some personal accountability and an apology from her.That may never come because she never once said I am sorry in the 7 years we were together.I would like some CLOSURE on her part and HONESTY but again she may not be capable of any personal insights of her own behaviors and actions.

[Split black]

You will never get an apology unless shes using it manipulate you. You will absolutely NEVER EVER get honesty. The fact that she walked out is a blessing and her re contacting you is how they reach out to see if their list of exes is still interested. You cant possibly believe that here are a host of others... . right? This is the hardest thing to accept. Cause we are men with egos. And they feel NOTHING... . What kind of person can walk out and just bail? A whack job lying cheating manipulating self centered brat... .   sorry if Im a bit angry... . but yeah... . Im still a bit angry.

Dig back and find that grit and dont give her the satisfaction of your friendship or you're gonna get sucked back in to misery. Good luck.  I was recycled 4 or 5 times... . so I know. Never again.

[Banshee]

Once we hung up I pulled my rig over in Ohio.I walked around my rig and seen the lake Erie from where I was.Low and behold I began cry like a baby.That is the truth.I loved her so much and gave so much to that relationship until I was nearly DEAD.I feel like She took a part of me that is unexplainable.Once I gained my composure I jumped back into my rig and continued my run.

Your tears were tears of relief ... you lived ... you won... you made it!

Absolutely LOVE this story... Keep on trucking towards the sun and leave the darkness behind

[willy45]

Yeah Man. That sucks. My ex does the same thing... . Why? I have no idea. My choice is to keep NC. I went through h#'ll as well working my way through it all. I left her but it was all the raging that made me leave. So I still have all the 'whatifs'. I figure her reaching out is about her. Never about me. I don't want her in my life so it's up to me to ensure that. You'll be fine as long as you don't engage... .

[Infared]

WOW magnet... . great job!... . on all fronts: your home, your education and how you handled the situation.  It has been 11 years for me with NC and I live in the same small town. My pwBPD ( after living with me for 5 years), ran off a week before Xmas with someone else who she was involved with (I will never know for how long that was going on).  ... . all the while she swore there was no one... . lied to me, to him, her parents, step parents... . the list goes on.

I lost this whole life that I THOUGHT that I had.

I can identify with you and everyone else in here when you talk about the pain.  I almost did not live thru mine either.  I have never suffered thru ANYTHING like that in my life.

Magnet... . just BE CAREFUL!   You are braver or stronger than me.

I had had no contact for 10 years and one day I came out of the supermarket and was going to my car and she was laying in wait by my car with a cart and trying to act like she was "accidentally" running into me.  That means she had to see me in the check out, knew my car, ran out and laid in wait and then tried to ambush me (her cart was full of groceries and she was headed toward the store ... . DUH).  I have had a lot of therapy and thank God I just turned my head away, sped up and passed by the"assault".  I looked over my shoulder and she did the whole "stopped, and sighed, and the little collapse thing like she was hurt. The I-am-a-victim act-out". I just got in my car and kept moving. My only focus was to protect me as if Godzilla was after me. Of course her car was three rows away!   She was all dressed to the nines, too. That was a year and a half ago and I replay that in my head every day.

I just can't understand how they have SO MUCH power over us.  I am betting that she just had nothing better to do at that moment. Of course since it would have been an "accidental" run-in... . the whole contact would have been on my emotional dime.  At least I could see she is still VERY sick, immature, manipulative and TOTALLY self-centered, without ever taling to her.

I just can't "chat it up" after the way I was treated. I could not do that and still love myself.

Magnet... you are a bigger man than me!  NC is an absolute for me. It about survival. My pain was soo great, like yours.

GOOD LUCK!