her projections on me came true to her

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

Hello all first post here just noticed all her fear projections of me came true to her,

1. All the way through our 10 year dance she pleaded for me to never leave her, i never gave that impression to her, then out the blue she discarded me in the usual smoke screen they do.

2.she always said i hope your not one of these guys that turns out to be gay years into the relashionship, gues what she comes out in the end of being bi.

3.she said all the time i hope your not cheating she would not tollerate it, yep found out after beeing painted black she cheated all along the way.

4.would i still love her when she was old, what she meant was she would  notlove me as i got older (10 years older than her).

anyone else have this experience?

[neverloveagain]

Hello all first post here just noticed all her fear projections of me came true to her,

1. All the way through our 10 year dance she pleaded for me to never leave her, i never gave that impression to her, then out the blue she discarded me in the usual smoke screen they do.

2.she always said i hope your not one of these guys that turns out to be gay years into the relashionship, gues what she comes out in the end of being bi.

3.she said all the time i hope your not cheating she would not tollerate it, yep found out after beeing painted black she cheated all along the way.

4.would i still love her when she was old, what she meant was she would  notlove me as i got older (10 years older than her).

anyone else have this experience?

[Popcorn71]

Yes, my exBPDh did all the things he said he would never do and was frightened a partner would do to him.

1.  His ex wife had cheated on him and left him for another man.  He said that because he knew this pain, he could never inflict it on me.  But that's exactly what he did.

2.  He said he would stay with me for as long as I wanted him.  Then he left as soon as he found a replacement.

3.  He told me how lucky he was to be with me and he hoped I'd never leave him for somebody else.  Then he left.

[neverloveagain]

Hey popcorn i hear that, how convincing they are, never leave me then poof they disapear. Hope you gind peace.

[BacknthSaddle]

1. Yes, absolutely, one of the most frustrating parts to all of this.  The line "Please don't ever leave me, no matter how much I tell you I don't need you," delivered 6 months ago, still drives me nuts despite my understanding of BPD.

2. No, but she would (wrongly) theorize this about exes who lost interest in her physically.

3. There was definitely a double-standard in this realm.  I didn't cheat, but again with her exes who did, she would have some small detail that made their cheating unacceptable, while hers was ("I mean, I wasn't perfect".

4. This one no, it was more like "I can't imagine us ever not loving each other."

If I have found anything here, it is that all of us share similar experiences to greater or lesser degrees. 

[blissful_camper]

My ex did plenty of the classic projection.  I don't know if this piece is projection but I realized last night that the opposite of what he said, was a more accurate representation of who he was. 

Examples:

He claimed to not like kink.  When he felt comfortable with me, he began initiating kink. 

He said he hated thieves, and yet when I found a significant cultural artifact on a hike, he told me to steal it.  (I didn't.)

He said he loved women (feminist), yet he was a misogynist. 

The list goes on... .

Anyone experience that?  Opposites? 

[neverloveagain]

Thats an intersting point, its the chaos of the mind i guess, i knew mine was a puzzle but the peices did not fit till she left and i looked from the outside. Hope you find peace and learn and move through the remains 

[RecycledNoMore]

My ex did plenty of the classic projection.  I don't know if this piece is projection but I realized last night that the opposite of what he said, was a more accurate representation of who he was. 

Examples:

He claimed to not like kink.  When he felt comfortable with me, he began initiating kink. 

He said he hated thieves, and yet when I found a significant cultural artifact on a hike, he told me to steal it.  (I didn't.)

He said he loved women (feminist), yet he was a misogynist. 

The list goes on... .

Anyone experience that?  Opposites? 

Before I even knew about BPD, I used to call my ex " mr opposite"

He was so full of contradictions( amongst other things:)

Claimed to love women,but was totally misogynistic... .

Claimed to hate cheaters, cheated.

Claimed he wasnt racist,ranted and raved about anyone who wasnt his race.

Youre right, the list goes on... .

But hey, not my problem anymore, happy days!

[sirius]

1) she(ex) despised people who cheats and have affairs... . unfaithfull, I found out that she was cheating emotionally all the 12 years we were together. She accuses me of having affairs with any female that come into contact with me, all the time

2) she prohibits me of befriending any females and I later found out that 80% of the people in her phone book was male

3) she prohibits me from having any social media stating that is unhealthy if we were in the relationship, I found out after the B/U that she was using FB to stalked her exes for the past 6 years

4) she said pornography is a taboo and never respect people paying for sex, I found a pile of pornsites subscription in her emails

5) she said she doesnt flirt and any form of flirting is cheating, i saw in all the text she receives and the chats that she was in, she was leading on the guys and flirting all the time.