Feeling Weird.

[VIDEO: "What is parental alienation?"]

I have spent a bit of time reading different threads here, and this is an amazing site.

Wish I would have found it years ago.

I'm kinda feeling odd, and not sure if it's 'normal' or not?

A lot of the posts that I am reading are folks that are still very deeply and emotionally attached to the BPD dh/dw/gf/bf/so.

Although I do reside in the same home as my uBPDstbexdh, I talk to my dogs more than him.

I dread Sundays, because we are both home.

I cannot WAIT to get away from him.

I cannot wait for the house to sell, and I do not have to share a space with him.

I am SO looking forward to moving 5 states away, canceling his phone off my plan and NEVER knowing his phone number.

I cannot get far enough away from him, fast enough.

I have my moments when I think "why didn't he care, why didn't he try, wow if he put in 1/2 the effort he does on a video game into this marriage, we'd be fine"... .

Then I remember "OH YEAH THAT'S RIGHT HE... . then I insert the long list of abuse, emotional torture, and perversion he brought into my life.

Then I go back to the "I cannot get far enough away, fast enough".

Am I just in a 'different place / phase' of the healing process than everyone else?

[going places]

I have spent a bit of time reading different threads here, and this is an amazing site.

Wish I would have found it years ago.

I'm kinda feeling odd, and not sure if it's 'normal' or not?

A lot of the posts that I am reading are folks that are still very deeply and emotionally attached to the BPD dh/dw/gf/bf/so.

Although I do reside in the same home as my uBPDstbexdh, I talk to my dogs more than him.

I dread Sundays, because we are both home.

I cannot WAIT to get away from him.

I cannot wait for the house to sell, and I do not have to share a space with him.

I am SO looking forward to moving 5 states away, canceling his phone off my plan and NEVER knowing his phone number.

I cannot get far enough away from him, fast enough.

I have my moments when I think "why didn't he care, why didn't he try, wow if he put in 1/2 the effort he does on a video game into this marriage, we'd be fine"... .

Then I remember "OH YEAH THAT'S RIGHT HE... . then I insert the long list of abuse, emotional torture, and perversion he brought into my life.

Then I go back to the "I cannot get far enough away, fast enough".

Am I just in a 'different place / phase' of the healing process than everyone else?

[trappedinlove]

Take your time, see how it goes.  No need to over analyse

Your instincts tell you to run away from the broken r/s and never look back.

That sounds like a healthy instinct to me given the abuse you say you went through.

Currently running away fills your mind but it is possible that when the void takes over your mind will drift into ruminations and obsessive thinking as many others go through.  :)oesn't have to be this way but it's possible so don't be afraid to go through this stage if it comes and certainly no need to feel weird about not being there, better not go there in the first place

In any case, best of luck in building a new healthier life for yourself and hopefully for your stbex as well.

Take care.

[Ihope2]

Our situations are all so very different, although we share the commonality of having been in a relationship with a partner with BPD.

In my situation, what brought me here to this message board was my young marriage (did not even last a full year before I wanted out) to a deeply troubled and damaged man with BPD.  We married in April 2013, after having known each other only for a matter of weeks... . I have been to hell and back with my husband and the whole process of discovery for me to find out what really lies at the heart of his distorted behaviour and thinking and feeling. (I started suspecting BPD halfway through the short marriage, as at first he was diagnosed with Complex PTSD and Bipolar Mood Disorder).

However, I would hate to know what it is like to spend years and years in a marriage with a BPD spouse.  And to have children together and share joint property.

I consider myself "lucky" that disengaging from my soon to be ex BPDh was relatively do-able from a practical point of view in that we had not built up a life together as yet. 

I had 11 months of craziness, confusion, deceit, FOG, repressed anger, extreme concern, sadness, hopelessness, helplessness, not knowing where to turn to for help, losing money, losing my possessions, etc etc.  I feel very injured, emotionally shell shocked, confused, depressed, sad and exhausted in the aftermath of everything.  The divorce is almost done.  My soon to be ex has moved out and I have been living alone again for just over a month now.  There has still been some contact from his side.  He has threatened to attempt suicide and apparently also attempted it.  He is still trying to pull me into his chaos and drama.

But, I reckon I have had minimal exposure to the damaging effects of uncontrolled BPD, compared to some on this message board.

This is probably part of the reason why I can still feel some form of compassion and empathy for my stb ex BPDh, despite  everything that has happened this past year.  Lord knows, if he were still living in the same house and city as me, I would probably be feeling a lot different about things.  I would probably feel more like wanting to run away and escape him and get as far away as possible from him.

So, different sets of circumstances for all of us, makes us deal with things differently, I guess.  There is no right or wrong way. 

The only thing is to be able to find some sort of way to process our stymied relationship in time, and move on with our lives in healthier ways.  There could be a danger of becoming stuck in anger and resentment and bitterness about everything, if we don't examine what it is that drew us to that person / relationship in the first place... .

[fromheeltoheal]

Am I just in a 'different place / phase' of the healing process than everyone else?

It sounds to me like you're already detaching while you're still living with him, good for you, and it's just about putting one foot in front of the other, going through the stages as you build a life away from him.  Additional stuff will probably come up as you detach further, it's a process.

A lot of people on the Leaving board "go No Contact", the mighty NC, which is a tool used to get out of the fog and break the enmeshment, although not communicating with someone is not necessarily detaching from them.  I left her and stopped all communication because I thought I was literally going insane, I had no choice, pure survival instinct, but what I thought would just 'get better' with time didn't really; it took a lot longer than I thought and the emotions ran far deeper.  The five steps to detachment listed to the right took me about a year and a half to get through, and it's not linear, a little jumping around.

I say detaching while still in it, if you can do that, might allow you to detach faster.  My ex contacted me about 8 months after I left her, and the manipulations and devaluations were transparent to me by then, although coated in sticky-sweet, and it ended up helping me detach.  Whatever works, and take care of you!