Turning points coming

[formflier]

It would appear that uBPDw is going to "force" some issues.

Agreement was to make joint financial decisions.  I discovered last night she moved $30k (pretty much cleaned out savings) to her an account at new bank. 

She has scheduled children to be evaluated by a psychologist.  She has been ranting about doing something like this and that they will "back her up".

She pushed me out of a room/closed door on me this morning... . the physical episodes are getting more and more... . nothing provable yet. 

I have made initial consulations with lawyers in the past.  i'm going to need to get some good advice.

Bumming... . but at least maybe there will be some resolution one way or another.

Thoughts?

I keep remembering the advice that she is going to do... what she is going to do.

[an0ught]

Her moving that much money without your consent is not ok and highly worrying in combination with her recent escalation over the car. Considering that you are in mediation this is stepping over the line. These may be defensive moves but if they are then they are fairly aggressive ones.

I keep remembering the advice that she is going to do... what she is going to do.

No you can't control her. But you can take steps to protect yourself. Getting professional legal advice may be a good idea.

[Wrongturn1]

Her taking $30k out of a joint account and placing it into an account that only she can access sounds like a major red flag to me.  Talking to an attorney about at least this issue sounds like a good idea.  When evaluating attorneys, you might want to ask them if they have experience dealing with people who have BPD as prior experience with the disorder might be a plus for your legal team.

[formflier]

Luckily my attorney is also considered a friend.  He "lost" his wife to some kind of personality disorder.  He ended up with kids.  There was a suicide attempt on her part... . she stabilized after that but left the family... .

So... . he is very familiar.  Also... . sense he know both of us... . that may help with advice.  He may be "too" close and I will have a conversation with him about that... . to see if he should represent me... . or if he would recommend someone else.  He is not only a good attorney, well respected in town, and I believe he has my (and my family's) best interests at heart.

No... . to more bad news.  I got an email announcement that uBPDw has scheduled "family counseling" for kids on my busiest day of the month when I have another appointment.  This email was sent to me and to our 4 oldest kids.  I responded to everyone.  I had no idea this was coming.  A couple weeks ago she came to me to reiterate the importance of making "joint" decisions... . talking before decisions are made.  She also accuses me of doing things without her knowledge.  My guess is this is the projection thing... . that she is accusing me of doing what she is actually doing.

In my world... I'm fine with entire family going to this... . but I think she and I should have a session with psychologist ahead of time... . with some joint and individual time.  Same day or different day... doesn't matter.

Still processing all this... . so please bring the advice and counsel.

Actions I will try to take before this family counseling... . hoping in next week.  Good long visit with lawyer.  I have had quick consulations before... but I think more detail is needed.  And a visit back to our last marriage counselor.  I have continued seeing that person sporadically... . in person and on phone... . because that counselor is familiar with situation.  That is counselor that turned me on to BPD.  I find sessions with that counselor very helpful

Anything else I need to be doing?





her email

Hey... . we have an appt with psychologist xxxxxx... . accepts xxxxx

He does family therapy... . this appt is for the kids so they can talk with him about whatever they feel they need to discuss... . the situation between mom and dad at home has been rough for us... . I know it hasnt been easy for the kids either. Talk about anything you want or nothing at all. Love mommy


My response

I am hoping this can be rescheduled.  This is the day of my xxxxxx meeting.

I have a grant site visit scheduled during the time this is scheduled in addition to preparing for the nights meeting.

I am supportive of an effort like this.  My hope is that we can all discuss this in person and then Mommy and I can schedule a time that works for everyone.

I love you all.

Daddy,

Her taking $30k out of a joint account and placing it into an account that only she can access sounds like a major red flag to me.  Talking to an attorney about at least this issue sounds like a good idea.  When evaluating attorneys, you might want to ask them if they have experience dealing with people who have BPD as prior experience with the disorder might be a plus for your legal team.

[KateCat]

formflier,

In this critical time, I think you will find much support and practical advice on the "Family Law" forum of this community, even as you fight to save your marriage. The male members of that forum, in particular, have faced delicate issues of career, custody, financial turbulence and even the legal consequences of false accusations from a spouse who begins to feel threatened with loss of control in the family unit. Many of them say, "If only I had known then . . . ". None can give actual legal advice, of course, but a majority have had individual experience with the family law of one or another of the U.S. states. Despite their painful experiences, most posters remain pro-marriage in their views.

Be safe!

[formflier]

Thanks... . I have been avoiding going over there... . but... . it is obvious I need to be prepared... . I don't want to have regrets later.

Thanks

Going over there tonight.

formflier,

In this critical time, I think you will find much support and practical advice on the "Family Law" forum of this community, even as you fight to save your marriage. The male members of that forum, in particular, have faced delicate issues of career, custody, financial turbulence and even the legal consequences of false accusations from a spouse who begins to feel threatened with loss of control in the family unit. Many of them say, "If only I had known then . . . ". None can give actual legal advice, of course, but a majority have had individual experience with the family law of one or another of the U.S. states. Despite their painful experiences, most posters remain pro-marriage in their views.

Be safe!

[tired-of-it-all]

Get one of those pocket recorders from Radio Shack.  Keep it on anytime that you are in her presence.  They will pick up conversation from inside your pocket and will hold tens of hours of data.  You will be glad you have the record.  I am glad you got with your attorney.  You need to know your rights.  I think from a previous post you said you were in Florida.  I suspect that in Florida it won't matter who has possession of the money, it will still have to be split 50/50.  That is unless she pisses it away before the divorce if final.  In my state, hiding money during a divorce will get you some serious jail time.

[formflier]

North Carolina.  We have spent time in Florida... . trying to remember that post.  But we have been in NC long enough that this is where the action will be an under these laws.

Does that change things?

Amen to the recording... . wish there was a way for video that wasn't so obvious.  there have been situations where the audio was inconclusive and left it open to interpretation.  Most of the time it has been gold.

Get one of those pocket recorders from Radio Shack.  Keep it on anytime that you are in her presence.  They will pick up conversation from inside your pocket and will hold tens of hours of data.  You will be glad you have the record.  I am glad you got with your attorney.  You need to know your rights.  I think from a previous post you said you were in Florida.  I suspect that in Florida it won't matter who has possession of the money, it will still have to be split 50/50.  That is unless she pisses it away before the divorce if final.  In my state, hiding money during a divorce will get you some serious jail time.

[tired-of-it-all]

North Carolina has the 1 year wait till its is over clause. Be careful with the recorder. Mine was in the door of my truck. Bumped on by accident. It was so sensitive it picked up BOTH ends of the cell conversation. No one heard it but me. Nevertheless it pays to be careful