BPD and Trust - Your Thoughts

[Depression = 72% of members]

Hello all!

As I continue the process of disengaging and (hopefully) starting the detaching process with my exBPDgf, I continue to process certain aspects and dynamics of our relationship. A core dynamic of our relationship was a fundamental lack of trust on her end.  You could see this lack of trust manifest itself in many ways: general jealousy, pulling me away from contact with ANY sort of women, various untruthful claims of flirting, suspicious attitudes, and outward self-admittance of mistrust in me by literally telling me "I don't trust you".  In fact, post relationship my exBPDgf admitted that not only does she doesn't trust me, she doesn't trust ANYBODY.

Severe trust issues from a pwBPD seems to be a mainstay in many BPD relationships, and a core feature of the disorder.  How do others members correlate this lack of trust to the core defining features of this disorder?  What are other's experiences with a lack of trust from with BPDex?

[Lamaiel]

Hello all!

As I continue the process of disengaging and (hopefully) starting the detaching process with my exBPDgf, I continue to process certain aspects and dynamics of our relationship. A core dynamic of our relationship was a fundamental lack of trust on her end.  You could see this lack of trust manifest itself in many ways: general jealousy, pulling me away from contact with ANY sort of women, various untruthful claims of flirting, suspicious attitudes, and outward self-admittance of mistrust in me by literally telling me "I don't trust you".  In fact, post relationship my exBPDgf admitted that not only does she doesn't trust me, she doesn't trust ANYBODY.

Severe trust issues from a pwBPD seems to be a mainstay in many BPD relationships, and a core feature of the disorder.  How do others members correlate this lack of trust to the core defining features of this disorder?  What are other's experiences with a lack of trust from with BPDex?

[Emelie Emelie]

Lack of trust was fundamental in our relationship.  My BPDbf was extremely jealous... . and not just of other men.  He was jealous of everything else in my life.  Child, career, friends.  I think it's that they can't trust love.  Probably inconsistent in their childhood which left core wounds.  It's at the root of their abandonment fear.  Everyone will eventually leave them, or disappoint them, or both.  Then of course they seem to create that which they're so afraid of. 

[Fool for Love]

^^^^THIS^^^ except mine was a GF

[david31]

It got to the point where my BPDexgf would ask me to text her every 30 minutes when I went out on the town with friends - to assuage her fears that I would cheat on her. I obliged because I thought it would be temporary, and that as the relationship progressed she would trust me more. Looking back on it now I can't believe I did it. I definitely lost my boundaries/independence. I wonder how my replacement is now dealing with her trust issues.

[Turkish]

To not trust people, or assuming everyone will hurt, cheat, or abandon you, is Splitting on a massive scale.

One could also argue transference. Mine doesn't trust men (though she desperately attached to them). That has nothing to do with us, and everything to do with her core abandonment wound: her father.