Seems like the poison is being extracted.

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

Thought Id share something other then stories of my ex parasite who has embraced negative energy that poured over and infected my system in every way possible.

Last weekend I thought to myself that I do not know when all these new attributes are going to go away such as depression,extreme anxiety, overwhelming hurt, anger, embarrasmemt ect ect. So I said to myself ok well what can you do? Instead of focusing on things to make the pain go away I sat amd wrote a list of things with about 20 bullet points to conquer that have nothing to do with my new attrubutes. Things like making a new workout regiment to add to my current regiment, learning a new language, running a 4 mile race, writing my rhymes and poetry again, ect ect

The list went on and on. One of the things I started the next day which was running once per week on top of my already existing weight lifting. The plan is to keep crossing these things off the list as I go.

Monday I was still dealing with depression and anxiety. By tuesday somehow I was able to be happy for half the day until i thought of the parasite again and it all came back again. On wednseday for some reason I decided to look back on my old texts from her(I never delete anything Im that type of person). I looked back all the way to when she most recently came out

The hospital during the last recycle which was january of this year. The recycle started december when she showed up at my place and told me I was her home i love u blah blah blah. No need to elaborate on that cuz you all know damn well what they do and say.

I read our convo where she was basically verbally attacking me and reading it for the first time I could see how ridiculous she was behaving I could also see looking back that there were no wins in that convo and that she is crazy. I thought of many possible ways I could have tried to handle it and looking back on the text exchange I realized there were no different ways left I could literally see me trying all those different ways within that very convo. Even some stop walking on egshells book techniques were in there. I just shook my head and said to myself what the heck. For some reason that lifted something in me reading that text exchange.

By wednesday I held my happiness for the whole day with no anxiety. Also at the end of the night I decided to push my luck and force myself to listen to some latin music something that now made me nautious amd sick feeling. I was scared to do it for fear of triggering the crappiness again but said let me force myself and try it to see what happens. No reaction. No nasea nothing just me enjoying listening to some kizomba.

Today I kep my happy mood once again and tried kizomba music again before work and no reaction again. Its beem 48 hours and ive held this mood. Im about to go to sleep now with this mood.

I wrote a quote years ago when I had facebook and was heavy into mysticism and spiritual enlightenment in general that I am thinking of now. When I did have facebook I would post quotes written by me but influenced with knowledge I had aqcuired throughout the years on spirituality. Im thinkong of that quote again right now.


"In a room full of darkness even the smallest portion of light cannot be extinguished. The same cannot be said for darkness. Light is stronger then dark. Positive is stronger then negative. Be light"


What I am saying is she cannot destroy me. They cannot destroy us. They can only destroy themselves. Allow them to be dark. Lets all choose to be light. Its much more effective. Use them for an example of that. Goodnight everyone hopefully tommorow Ill conquer this again.

[AG]

Thought Id share something other then stories of my ex parasite who has embraced negative energy that poured over and infected my system in every way possible.

Last weekend I thought to myself that I do not know when all these new attributes are going to go away such as depression,extreme anxiety, overwhelming hurt, anger, embarrasmemt ect ect. So I said to myself ok well what can you do? Instead of focusing on things to make the pain go away I sat amd wrote a list of things with about 20 bullet points to conquer that have nothing to do with my new attrubutes. Things like making a new workout regiment to add to my current regiment, learning a new language, running a 4 mile race, writing my rhymes and poetry again, ect ect

The list went on and on. One of the things I started the next day which was running once per week on top of my already existing weight lifting. The plan is to keep crossing these things off the list as I go.

Monday I was still dealing with depression and anxiety. By tuesday somehow I was able to be happy for half the day until i thought of the parasite again and it all came back again. On wednseday for some reason I decided to look back on my old texts from her(I never delete anything Im that type of person). I looked back all the way to when she most recently came out

The hospital during the last recycle which was january of this year. The recycle started december when she showed up at my place and told me I was her home i love u blah blah blah. No need to elaborate on that cuz you all know damn well what they do and say.

I read our convo where she was basically verbally attacking me and reading it for the first time I could see how ridiculous she was behaving I could also see looking back that there were no wins in that convo and that she is crazy. I thought of many possible ways I could have tried to handle it and looking back on the text exchange I realized there were no different ways left I could literally see me trying all those different ways within that very convo. Even some stop walking on egshells book techniques were in there. I just shook my head and said to myself what the heck. For some reason that lifted something in me reading that text exchange.

By wednesday I held my happiness for the whole day with no anxiety. Also at the end of the night I decided to push my luck and force myself to listen to some latin music something that now made me nautious amd sick feeling. I was scared to do it for fear of triggering the crappiness again but said let me force myself and try it to see what happens. No reaction. No nasea nothing just me enjoying listening to some kizomba.

Today I kep my happy mood once again and tried kizomba music again before work and no reaction again. Its beem 48 hours and ive held this mood. Im about to go to sleep now with this mood.

I wrote a quote years ago when I had facebook and was heavy into mysticism and spiritual enlightenment in general that I am thinking of now. When I did have facebook I would post quotes written by me but influenced with knowledge I had aqcuired throughout the years on spirituality. Im thinkong of that quote again right now.


"In a room full of darkness even the smallest portion of light cannot be extinguished. The same cannot be said for darkness. Light is stronger then dark. Positive is stronger then negative. Be light"


What I am saying is she cannot destroy me. They cannot destroy us. They can only destroy themselves. Allow them to be dark. Lets all choose to be light. Its much more effective. Use them for an example of that. Goodnight everyone hopefully tommorow Ill conquer this again.

[AwakenedOne]

AG,

Really good attitude bro. Very inspiring post.  

Peace,

AO

[tholian]

Amazing post AG. Really inspiring.

I also started to do things that i used to do, things that makes me happy. Things are getting better and i hope you future is filled with brightness and all the wonderful things you deserve.

Regards,

Tholian

[going places]

AG, for me, there is a day coming... . very soon... . where I will do what I do FOR ME only and not to 'not think of him' or 'replace my yucky feelings because of him', etc.

Everything I will do will be for reasons that have NOTHING to do with him.

And it will be good.

It felt amazing when I was standing in front of the fire pit burning 25 years of 'documents, papers, cards, notes, etc'.

It was gone.

Never to be re-visited.

Never to be ruminated over again.

GONE.

THAT was so freeing... . like a 2 ton burden lifted off my back.

[HighwaytoHell]

Damn AG... . Great Post bruh... . Light overcomes darkness EVERY TIME! I remember in my darkest days, coming across a Scripture passage that just jumped out at me ":)o not be overcome by evil, rather overcome evil with good"... . it was so refreshing and inspiring, because on some level, I believe their complete hatred of themselves and life in general motivates them to drag others into the abyss they live in. I mean, I've never felt so assaulted than after this relationship. And after much recovery work and reflection, it became clear to me that if she couldn't have me... "control me"... . she was going to do everything in her power for me to "feel" her darkness and negative energy projected at me... . and believe me, I felt every ounce of it!  How horrible and also insightful it is because on one hand, you have to experience the agony of their hell(weird how our own issues make us feel OTHER people's feelings stronger than our own, right?)... but also, you get to see into their world and know what they actually feel themselves... . Well, I finally realized that the key is to never allow ANYONE to steal your joy... . and it's something I'm slowly getting back. Light >:)arkness Thanks for your post