Contacting an ex

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

So it been many months, 7? Since my ex and I interacted.

It's lame I know but I just saw her linked in profile and she got a promotion above me at her new company.

   She is some of the reason why I didn't get such a promotion, we used to work together.

So as you can imagine, I'm angry, jealous, and perhaps rightfully pissed that this abusive person (in my opinion) hijacked my advancement, and then charmed her way up.

   Damn! I really am so angry that people like this can get away with this, and that's why part of me hates being silent.

[LivingLearning]

So it been many months, 7? Since my ex and I interacted.

It's lame I know but I just saw her linked in profile and she got a promotion above me at her new company.

   She is some of the reason why I didn't get such a promotion, we used to work together.

So as you can imagine, I'm angry, jealous, and perhaps rightfully pissed that this abusive person (in my opinion) hijacked my advancement, and then charmed her way up.

   Damn! I really am so angry that people like this can get away with this, and that's why part of me hates being silent.

[Exeter]

Are you still connected to her on LinkedIn?

If so, why?  Are you hoping for reconciliation someday or just not over them yet and wanting to snoop?

[LivingLearning]

No, I've googled many ways in the last day to have her not come up in my feed. I keep seeing her appear and was finally like- ok I need to face this.

And yes I wish to hide her feeds.

And that's not what I posted about, yet I assume your advice is unconnect with her.

[LivingLearning]

And I hid her friends on Facebook, I really didn't want to see stuff about her on social media as I recover

[Exeter]

Well there was no question asked so I was not for sure where you were going with this.  I do understand your frustration in her getting a promotion and you not getting it, I wanted to buy a house in the town we lived in and have the money for it, yet with her mental state of mind I cannot risk recycling or my son getting to an age where he thinks he can just jump from house to house dependent upon which parent he thinks he wants to be with at that time.  I know a friend who has a child 18 that does this and I do not like it, so different town, different school district for sure.

As far as your facebook comment I thought the same thing, I have copy/pasted all of our mutual friends the other night just in case she tries to block me or delete me first, that way I can at least delete all of them and hide my page from all mutual friends so as to help myself heal.

As far as your job situation I would consider looking around for potential positions that you are qualified for, who knows it might be therapeutic to focus on your own success.  I understand you are still resentful, yet you seem to be doing fairly good about this your post doesn't sound out of control or anything.

[LivingLearning]

Thank you. I'm still in the same jobs and doing well(ish) there. it just pisses me off (and let me be somehwat transparent) that this f------ manipulative person can just walk around with no feedback after doing this sh----. And so I remain no contact? I just heal myself? I say nothing about all the things I've wanted to say in the past year?

   She called me 7 months ago and was really angry that I was with another woman (I wasn't- it was a misunderstanding) and said mean stuff. I just took it then.

   So when do I stop taking it? When do i speak my truth?

   When do I stop assigning a BPD so much power that I I need NC to protect myself?

When am I like enough is enough, this person could use feedback like all organisms on this planet.

(Ok... . I'm frustrated tonight

[Narellan]

You are both acting with dignity and respect, for your ex partners and more importantly yourselves. It's ok to feel angry, a d to want some type of revenge. God knows some days I have great plans hashed out. ( my exBPD replaced me with my best friend if 20 yrs. they think I don't know) I have managed to erase them both from my life without mentioning what I know of their affair. They can sit smugly , but so am I, and it's given me a sense of control and power in my situation, instead of playing the victim. I so want to get back at her some days, I'm furious at times, but I just think karma. And maybe it's karma that she has him in her life now. Anyway, although I feel that was occasionally I realise it's best to walk away with my head high and treat all with kindness and respect. I had enough drama and devastation when i was with him. Now there's mostly a sense of peace. And I have been true to myself.

The old saying " what goes around comes around". In my situation my former best friend will fall from her pedestal position and I will take some pleasure in that. The same might go for you with your promoted ex. X

[LivingLearning]

(Tears)

Thank you. And yeah, I don't know. But nonetheless thank you. Tears feel kind of nice as they usually do. Noticing much of the pain is missing her, and wishing I could be strong enough to deal.

I figure that's a family of origin thing. My mom is awesome, dynamic, and also temperamental etc.

Oh sadness. I suppose I also notice there's a peace in sadness.

[Narellan]

Tears are soul cleansing. They bring peace and a realisation of what we need to do.

It's so important to feel. Grieve. It's been one hell of a journey and emotionally we are exhausted. I have moved a bit from the sadness to a bit of anger, but mostly just acceptance now. And if I'm sad, I cry it out. Big hugs to you.

[LivingLearning]

Thank you. Felt my body just relax and surrender to how it feels. I'm not that religious or spiritual, yet the most accurate word I can say is... . blessings.