When BPD acuses nonBPD of having a disorder, even BPD

[babyoctopus]

This happened a years ago (married 21 yrs to uBPDh) but I always wonder if there is a name? A way to cope with it?

uBPDh saw me reading a book, I think it was Stop Walking on Eggshells. I was trying to hide it, but he saw it. He was furious, of course. Then he started reading it and said I was the one who had a disorder. He would point things out and say, You do that, You do this... . Also he accused me of readin up on abusers and the clinical names of disorders so I could fabricate lies about him.

To this day, I am so frightened he will find me on this board (he's actually done that before, too-- I don't even know how he found me, but he did! Prob snooping on my history on the computer!)

[Livestrong97]

I hide the books and hope he never finds them.  I clear my history constantly which causes him to accuse me of having an affair.  One thing you can do is clear history and then open a few other sites so it doesn't appear that you've been anywhere else.  My uBPDh couldn't take it either if he found out and he would acuse me of the same.  My advice however, is to NOT stop coming here - because it's the one place where others understand your situation and don't stop reading.  I've worn some friends out talking about issues and now that I found this site, I don't have to put it on my friends.  Never stop learning, knowledge is everything. 

[Grey Kitty]

Yes, make sure your identity and actions here are secure and private. Don't use your normal email or screen name, or have the moderators change it for you if you did.

uBPDh saw me reading a book, I think it was Stop Walking on Eggshells. I was trying to hide it, but he saw it. He was furious, of course. Then he started reading it and said I was the one who had a disorder. He would point things out and say, You do that, You do this... . Also he accused me of readin up on abusers and the clinical names of disorders so I could fabricate lies about him.

Yes, there is a name, and we have a workshop on it.

BPD BEHAVIORS: Projection

What to do? Don't engage on this sort of topic--nothing good comes of it.

He may figure out what he's doing and stop it, but likely not soon. It is NOT your job to convince him of a reality different than one he thinks he is living in.

It is your job to believe your own reality--you know what you are doing and what he is doing. Don't let his mental distortions convince you otherwise.

[Forestaken]

Walking on eggshells saved my life, but I had to get it from the public library. (she controlled the money and bank cards)

I used to read it in the library while my kids did their HW (she wanted us out of the house so she could watch TV in silence), leave it in the library, writing the last page number on the back of coupons

If you're going to leave remember the art of war is the art of deception

[waverider]

Use a browser such as google chrome this allows you to open up a separate incognito browser with no history,. Meanwhile your normal sites can be viewed on the regular browser, so you dont have to mess around editing histories, and looking suss.

[babyoctopus]

 

Thank you for all the smart advice. I always change-up the screen names! I feel like I am a CIA Operative sometimes!