First official day of no contact

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

Hi all, well as said this is my first official day of no contact meaning zero zilch no looking at twitter, face book or anything at all. Shes blocked / deleted everywhere so I literally have no avenues to see her ever again or get tempted to send a message.

  The last contact I had with her was on snapchat afew days ago where she sent me pics of her and her new bf but to try and mess with me my mind she also sent me songs which lyrics suggested shes missing me and tugging on heart strings showing her self next to items I bought her. The the next day pics with her bf again. Very push pull sort of behaviour.

After doing that she then blocked me on snapchat yesterday which was the final door for me to have any sort of contact. Im glad she blocked me as even given all the pain and games she was inflicting I couldnt quite bring my self to do that 1 final block delete as it was the last door.  Shes made the decision and done it for me anyway.

Feeling up beat in that Ive got a kick up the butt now that I have no way of contact so I can move onwards and upwards instead of being stuck in a contact circle which made me feel worse.

BUT I do feel like a bit of a crack addict knowing I have no where no I can score my next fix.

For the best though :-)

[shellshockeduk]

Hi all, well as said this is my first official day of no contact meaning zero zilch no looking at twitter, face book or anything at all. Shes blocked / deleted everywhere so I literally have no avenues to see her ever again or get tempted to send a message.

  The last contact I had with her was on snapchat afew days ago where she sent me pics of her and her new bf but to try and mess with me my mind she also sent me songs which lyrics suggested shes missing me and tugging on heart strings showing her self next to items I bought her. The the next day pics with her bf again. Very push pull sort of behaviour.

After doing that she then blocked me on snapchat yesterday which was the final door for me to have any sort of contact. Im glad she blocked me as even given all the pain and games she was inflicting I couldnt quite bring my self to do that 1 final block delete as it was the last door.  Shes made the decision and done it for me anyway.

Feeling up beat in that Ive got a kick up the butt now that I have no way of contact so I can move onwards and upwards instead of being stuck in a contact circle which made me feel worse.

BUT I do feel like a bit of a crack addict knowing I have no where no I can score my next fix.

For the best though :-)

[Loveofhislife]

Good morning, Shellshocker. I find that Day 1 brings a little euphoria at first--it's as if this huge burden that has been weighing me down is suddenly lifted: I can breathe. But you are wise to begin readying for the storm (blocking social media, etc.). And I applaud you for recognizing the addictive quality of it all. I feel as if I have literally had the shakes after about 24 hours. What has worked for me? The pwBPD in my life have provided excessive amounts of stimulation, so part of what I am withdrawing from (I think) is adrenaline withdrawal and a feeling of bored/emptiness. My adrenals have stayed so rev'd and my body/brain so bathed with cortisol that what was relief the first 24 hours becomes withdrawal for several days afterward. I try to replace the cortisol in a healthy way, and come down slowly. NC is a shock to the system at first but a very necessary one. There has been a tendency and ongoing temptation to fight fire with fire and to swap one addiction for another; in my case that has been relationships with a number of Cluster B's: I have only prolonged and worsened the agony. So, now I'm working on replacing the cortisol rush of the pwBPD with other things that stimulate me: listening to music and singing; cardio exercise and dance. Other 12-step wisdom is not to let yourself get too bored, too tired, too hungry, too stressed etc. and surround yourself with friends and loved ones--that includes my pets. And don't forget us here on this board. Reading others and writing yours has been tremendous contact prevention. Congratulations on the courage to begin--best of luck.

[shellshockeduk]

Thank you for the fantastic reply and excellent advice Loveofhislife

Receiving "excessive amounts of stimulation" I think hits the nail on the head in what caused the addiction / withdrawal symptoms from the BPD partner.   

That stimulation is beyond what we should receive with healthy partners and is beyond sustainable or healthy for anyone.

[corraline]

Shellshockeduk

Good for you ... . Now its time for you.  I found making a self care plan very useful.  It can be as simple as adding some flowers to your home or garden, taking relaxing baths, reading a good book, make a special healthy meal ,  going for a walk and connect with nature to ground you... . make a list of the things that help you to feel good. I would not suggest anything too over the top, baby steps for now.

Thats what works for me anyhow.  I am even driving the long way home and avoiding highway traffic cause its a pleasant country ride... . simple stuff that adds up and contributes to a healthier sense of well being.

Make YOURself number one... . please be kind to you and forgive yourself if you go thru some really rough times.  Its part of the process.   I liked what one other poster said and I put it on my wall it says... . Two steps forward and one step back is still forward... .   Boy I needed to hear that. We are here and we support you thru this.

[Hogue era]

Shell shocker, I feel your pain. I was there as we'll. I'm now 6 weeks NC and am finally starting to feel unattached and like I'm moving on, pain free. Hang in there, it DOES get better with time and NC is the solution.

[bunnyrabit]

Good for you and if you feel tempted to break it... . DON'T DO IT! I did it and needless to say I can start healing my wounds all over again... . Guess I still needed another lesson... . NC is bliss