Sadness and Depression my constant companion. St Johns Wort anyone?

[sirensong65]

It's been almost 90 days of NC.  I don't have the periods of crying like I used to and my binge drinking is a thing of the past.  I exercise daily and function at about 80% most days at my job.  But ruminations are constant.  He and the relationship are the first thing I think of when I wake up and the last thing I am thinking about when I go to sleep.  I'm so tired of dragging his memory and the relationship details around with me daily like that kid with the blanket in Charlie Brown.

I am thinking of trying St. John's Wort.  I need something to get me over the hump.  I'm tired of having no real joy or energy.  My passion is non existent in most things.

Anyone here try it?

[Eric1]

Yup! I've used it. It does help, but not sure if it was more of a placebo effect. I've also had to use Kalms aswell in the past.

It does get easier (speak from experiance and god knows how many recycles).

[Narellan]

For the cycling of thoughts or ruminating I've found vitamin B stress really works well. I've taken 2 tabs morning and night and notice a difference within 24 hours. It's the first thing I turn to to stop my obsessive thinking. St. John's wort is a good pick me up too. But an hour walk every day is also good to get out in the fresh air and sun. Gets the endorphins going. Good luck x

[clover528]

I too have been suffering with depression etc... . Recently, I spoke with an integrative medicine physician. He strongly suggests using SAM-E . It is my understanding that SAM-E is similar to a natural chemical we produce that increases mood. That's how he described it to me. It has several benefits, not just mood enhancement. I also know that st. johns wart can interact with some commonly used pharmaceuticals. I would do some research if I were you and then decide what is the best fit for you and your health. I know, we all are hurting and searching for healthy alternatives to achieve some normality in our lives. Exercise, healthy food, good friends and rest, in addition to any supplements is a combination  I would encourage anyone of us to employ. ( Easier said than done. Sound advice that I personally need to look in the mirror and repeat often, daily).  I truly hope you find something that helps you. Keep posting and know you aren't alone! Take care of you!

[christoff522]

It's been almost 90 days of NC.  I don't have the periods of crying like I used to and my binge drinking is a thing of the past.  I exercise daily and function at about 80% most days at my job.  But ruminations are constant.  He and the relationship are the first thing I think of when I wake up and the last thing I am thinking about when I go to sleep.  I'm so tired of dragging his memory and the relationship details around with me daily like that kid with the blanket in Charlie Brown.

I am thinking of trying St. John's Wort.  I need something to get me over the hump.  I'm tired of having no real joy or energy.  My passion is non existent in most things.

Anyone here try it?

I also wake up and think of my relationship. She's the first and last thing I think about each day. Remember that its the power and control they exercised over us during the relationship - it was psychological abuse, abuse we were addicted to sadly due to our own psychological deficiencies.

You're getting tired of it though - 'sick of it' - thats the first step to recovery really. Try working on your self esteem. Remember if you love yourself you're going to be less inclined to love someone who essentially hates you and views you as nothing more than a hammer. A quick search of youtube will find you self-esteem hypnosis, meditations. Amazon is filled with books on co-dependency, self esteem, personal growth stuff.

Long before I encountered my pwBPD I used St Johns Wort, with long enough use and high enough doses it will make a difference (around 1800mg a day). Remember that there is side effects, some of which can include sensitivity, headaches, and cotton mouth. Did it help me? I guess so, but its only going to be a mask for the deeper psychological issues that we all have, that would lead us to go with such broken 'crazy' people.

If you feel that the St Johns wort works, thats awesome, but don't let it be a crutch. Whilst taking it keep bettering yourself.

read a book like this www.amazon.com/Drama-Being-Child-Search-True/dp/1860491014/ref=la_B000APM0AI_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1400241058&sr=1-1 to at least get some insight into what has led us here.

start doing a daily meditation/self-hypnosis like this

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lOhYzGD3YKk

and keep hanging out here.

Remember the true enemy is your lack of self-esteem, its not your BPD suffering ex, its not their new partner, its your childhood, its your belief that you need someone to be happy, because you view happiness as external rather than internal.

[sirensong65]

The bizarre thing is when I met him I was great.  Yes, I have had a traumatic childhood and not good relations with my parents as an adult.  But I put boundaries in place with my parents and became quite independent and self sufficient. That's what shocked me and my circle, that I fell of all people for this!

I will concede I saw red flags on the very first date   and I blew it off as being gun shy from my divorce four years prior ad not wanting to give this guy   a chance.  But I was uncomfortable at how "head over heels" he seemed to be with me right off the bat.  Yet, I saw him again and ended up falling in love with him.

I am much better than I was in Nov/Dec/ when he initially broke off the relationship and moved out ( started seeing the other girl before fully letting go of me).  I was actually suicidal in December and my friends did an intervention of sorts as I became a binge drinker when I used to drink only once and a while and only one or two at that.

The other upsetting thing is a lot of my girl friends don't understand where my head is at.  They are frustrated with me and are pushing for me to date and "get back out there".  They believe the best way to get OVER a man is to get UNDER a new one.  That isn't me, that as NEVER been me and especially after this relationship, I need to step back and grieve what happened, examine it and myself and learn how NOT to have this happen again.  I have vowed to take 2014 off from dating and relationships entirely.  People think I am over reacting or losing it.  It hurts to be alone sometimes but I can't just jump out there and try to create something with someone with my heart in this condition.

[HostNoMore]

SirenSong,

I say give it a try.  I'm a huge user of the healing herbs, and they do offer value.  I'm more prone to anxiety than depression myself.  My BPD experience triggered a lot of anxiety in me both during and post relationship.  My only anxieties now are just about surviving in a tough economy, and I've found California Poppy tea to be highly effective for me when I need it.

I'd also avoid alcohol for a short period to see if it helps too as it is a depressant.  Of course, as you heal the depression will decrease especially if you are not naturally prone to depression.  These relationships are hard to process to say the least.

Also, it took a while to get my friends to actually believe me as she was HF and hid it well.  Follow your gut instincts on when you're ready to date. Realize your friends are trying to help you through something of which they have no experience in though as these are not normal breakups.  So, you kind of have to deal with their ignorance and disbelief on BPD.  The vast majority of people will never have a BPD relationship.

You'll know when you're ready to date.  I'm 2.5 years out and could date now if I found the right woman.  For me, being desperate to date also played a part in my getting enmeshed with my BPD especially with ignoring the plethora of red flags.

[going places]

I need to step back and grieve what happened, examine it and myself and learn how NOT to have this happen again. 

Brilliant.

And you will be thankful later, that you did.

Start memorizing.

As SOON as you start ruminating, pick up whatever it is you chose to memorize and start reciting, memorizing.

You will flood your mind with the script you are trying to memorize instead of playing the broken record of relationships in your head.

Kills 2 birds with one stone.

You get something important memorized and those thoughts come less and less often.

[Slowlybutsurely]

Both St John's and Sam-e worked for me, but the St John's gave me some side effects.  After about the third day, I noticed my mood was completely different, and much happier. If you can take it without side effects (insomnia, sun sensitivity), I'd do it!  Sam-e is good too, and more mellow.

[Popcorn71]

It's certainly worth a try.  I have been using St. Johns wort for a few months and I feel happier sometimes.  Whether that is the remedy or just coincidence, I don't know.  I haven't had side effects.

[froggy]

I was taking 5htp for awhile a couple years ago. Started taking samE a few months ago as the depression came back with a vengeance. ... has been working quite well... not so many really bad days.

[Pseudoubermench]

Lots of votes for St. John's Wort here. Glad to hear it is helping some folks.

FYI, I'm a clinical herbalist, and want to make a suggestion for those with moderate to severe depression.

While St. John's Wort can give some folks a bit of a boost when they are in the doldrums, it isn't a very strong anti-depressant. Plus, it can cause sun sensitivity, and interfere with some medications (oral birth control pills for one). There are two relatively unknown herbs that I highly recommend for moderate to severe depressive symptoms that have lasted over 3 months.

First is Kanna, or Scletium tortuosum. This little succulent is a powerhouse. Anti-anxiolitic (reduces anxiety), SSRI qualities, and mild euphorant, for starters. Plus, at moderate to higher doses, it can induce a self-reflective/investigatory mindset that can be very helpful for taking stock of one's feelings, as well as helping clarify and gain some real insight into old habits, patterns, and deep emotional damage.

I use this plant every day. It has been an absolute miracle for me. I have been depressed for approximately 2/3rds of my life. Nothing helped or worked for long. Kanna has given me back my life, and I'd highly recommend giving it a try if you have struggled with depression for a long while.

Second herb to try would be Persian Silk Tree, or Albizia julibrissin. Grows all over the warmer US states. Touted as "Nature's Prozac", this beautiful plant has a lovely brightening effect on the mind and heart. Perhaps gentler than Kanna (but more effective than St. Johns), this plant is excellent for those in an extendend slump, or who are experiencing depressive symptoms that came about through trauma.

All that said, I'm not a "licensed health practitioner" and I do not suggest these plants to cure or heal any disease. Please do your own research if you are interested in ingesting these plants, and start with small doses to see how they work with your system.

For more info, dosing, where to find these herbs etc., please send me a private message, and I'd be happy to offer more info. !

With that- My public health announcement concludes!  If I'm out of line to offer these suggestions, please let me know. Kanna has quite literally turned my life into one worth living, and if it could help someone else, I wouldn't want to keep that information to myself.

Love you guys! Keep your chins up! Depression really can get better. If you feel you need more help, do contact a mental health practitioner, or your doctor. And yes, drinking and recreational drugs on a regular basis can worsen depressive symptoms significantly. Keep that in mind as you work toward a better life. You are always in control, no matter how awful it feels.

[corraline]

St johns wort i believe is helpful for acute low grade depression .  Motherwort tincture is amazing for anxiety for me anyhow...   ive never heard of kanna, hmmmm... . sounds interesting... i also drink tulsi tea... . stress relieving and just yummy.

[christoff522]

The bizarre thing is when I met him I was great.  Yes, I have had a traumatic childhood and not good relations with my parents as an adult.  But I put boundaries in place with my parents and became quite independent and self sufficient. That's what shocked me and my circle, that I fell of all people for this!

Everybody sees   with BPD, its as if our own nature cries out no no no no this is bad. Like our souls detect the evil we are facing. But yes, boundaries are always an issue with them. It seems like too much too soon, but in our search for love we are the type of person who will take a lot.

I will concede I saw red flags on the very first date   and I blew it off as being gun shy from my divorce four years prior ad not wanting to give this guy   a chance.  But I was uncomfortable at how "head over heels" he seemed to be with me right off the bat.  Yet, I saw him again and ended up falling in love with him.

Just remember that if it happens again and you see them red flags you know what the result will be. Trust your gut.

I am much better than I was in Nov/Dec/ when he initially broke off the relationship and moved out ( started seeing the other girl before fully letting go of me).  I was actually suicidal in December and my friends did an intervention of sorts as I became a binge drinker when I used to drink only once and a while and only one or two at that.

This is good to hear, you're over the worst. I admit I've been taking some time off, its not stopping me from being a big flirt  but I refuse to put someone through the backlog of emotional confusion, discomfort that I've suffered. They deserve a happy me, and honestly, taking all that pressure off, going NC, not going against my values for someone who I know is intrinsically undeserving, well... its freeing.

The other upsetting thing is a lot of my girl friends don't understand where my head is at.  They are frustrated with me and are pushing for me to date and "get back out there".  They believe the best way to get OVER a man is to get UNDER a new one.  That isn't me, that as NEVER been me and especially after this relationship, I need to step back and grieve what happened, examine it and myself and learn how NOT to have this happen again.  I have vowed to take 2014 off from dating and relationships entirely.  People think I am over reacting or losing it.  It hurts to be alone sometimes but I can't just jump out there and try to create something with someone with my heart in this condition.

You're a victim of abuse, pure and simple. You've been abused by someone you trusted, you've been gaslit, manipulated, deceived, and insulted. You're showing freater character than your friends. Embrace this, and don't feel ashamed for choosing to experience the pain and suffering before you entangle yourself with someone else... its the traditional... and RIGHT way to do it. But, if you meet someone this year... do not deny yourself. Remember that we often find love when we're not looking for it!