BPD and friends

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

Hello bpdfamily,

I just wanted to share my expierence and see what everyone else's insight into this was. My exBPDgf could make friends so easily and so quickly both guys and girls. It was amazing because I have a hard time making friends but for her she could instantly jump into a friendship and call that person her best friend within a couple weeks or months. She would constantly hang out with this person and cling to them. She would tell them her life story and all her abuse and victimization and how she was sexaully abused by her step brothers and physically abused by her mom.

But ... . There would be a fallout and this supppesdy best friend would somehow be a bad person because of such and such and as quickly as the friendship started it ends. Shes been like this since I met her and one girlfriend of hers I talked to ... . She speficislly described my ex as being too clingy and needy... . and that she distsncted herself from my ex. Now granted she does have a few long life friends from childhood (2), but why do BPDs fall in and out of friendships so fast ... . Same thing even happens with her family. Shell be good with her family and one small thing she hates them and then turn back around she's all good with them. Her step brothers abused and raped her and she talks to them on FB like nothing ever happened.

What's the deal?

[dillan6241]

Hello bpdfamily,

I just wanted to share my expierence and see what everyone else's insight into this was. My exBPDgf could make friends so easily and so quickly both guys and girls. It was amazing because I have a hard time making friends but for her she could instantly jump into a friendship and call that person her best friend within a couple weeks or months. She would constantly hang out with this person and cling to them. She would tell them her life story and all her abuse and victimization and how she was sexaully abused by her step brothers and physically abused by her mom.

But ... . There would be a fallout and this supppesdy best friend would somehow be a bad person because of such and such and as quickly as the friendship started it ends. Shes been like this since I met her and one girlfriend of hers I talked to ... . She speficislly described my ex as being too clingy and needy... . and that she distsncted herself from my ex. Now granted she does have a few long life friends from childhood (2), but why do BPDs fall in and out of friendships so fast ... . Same thing even happens with her family. Shell be good with her family and one small thing she hates them and then turn back around she's all good with them. Her step brothers abused and raped her and she talks to them on FB like nothing ever happened.

What's the deal?

[arjay]

Greetings.  Borderline Personality Disorder is a complex disorder and as such is not a minor issue.  Was your 'ex' diagnosed?  Have you spent a little time researching yourself?  Everything you described are often typical for the sufferer; the "all good" or "all bad", intense relationships that don't last and/or characterized with turmoil, the history of early abuse, cutting, self-medicating via drugs/alcohol can exist (not always in all cases though).

I have included a link that goes over BPD.  I really encourage you to read it to help you better understand the often futility of these relationships.

https://bpdfamily.com/bpdresources/nk_a102.htm  What are the Symptoms of Borderline Personality Disorder?

Peace to you

[fromheeltoheal]

To a borderline those aren't friends, they're attachments, someone a sufferer turns to to become 'whole', not in a healthy equal partnership of autonomous individuals way, but in an unhealthy fusing of psyches to become one person kind of way.  And then the black and white thinking and push/pull nature of the disorder kick in, and the other person flops from idealization to devaluation, and out they go, on to the next.  Your description sounds textbook.

It's a very painful repeating of the situation that created the disorder to begin with, an unsuccessful detachment from a primary caregiver, probably her mother, so she spends her life trying to get back to that place where she and her mother were one, using surrogates, only to be disappointed again and again.

[willy45]

Exact same thing... . I even told her that when I was considering moving to a different city to be with her. I said I would find it hard because I have a select group of really close friends and it takes me years to develop. I said that I envied her because she had so many friends. She told me that she doesn't seek out really close friends because she is worried that they will see the real her and how bad she was. One of those few glimpses of clarity I would get from her. A sad insight, if you think about it. Doesn't seem real... . I certainly can't relate at all.

[mywifecrazy]

Her step brothers abused and raped her and she talks to them on FB like nothing ever happened.

What's the deal?

My GOD I had the same EXACT thoughts about my uBPDxw. She told me stories about being sexually abused by her father and brother. She also told me she was raped by her boyfriend.  It turns out she was just telling stories to paint herself as a victim to manipulate me into feeling sorry for her and to rescue her. Fast forward 20 yrs later I caught her in an affair with my neighbor. Found out that she was telling him stories about how I RAPED HER. She was obviously painting me as the new Villain and my neighbor as the new rescuer. She is sick!

Obviously don't know what happened in your situation but be very leery about what they SAY because it doesn't always add up and reality usually is something other than what they tell you.