My expectations were too high

[Peaceinthehome]

Hi there

I spent a lot of money to help my daughter take an opportunity to possibly begin a new career overseas. In this new job, she works and lives in very close proximity with others.  It hasnt worked out. She has been labelled as anti-social in her performance reviews and has been completely rejected by her team. I know this is because of the BPD traits - she is intellectually capable and very charming and we both know she can do the job, but its her interpersonal skills and all the emotional immaturity and emotional issues which is causing this. She has a lot of anxiety and all the pressure has obviously made her act out and be more difficult or unapproachable than she would usually be.  She is just not handling.  I feel so sad. Sad for her and for me. Years of ongoing conflict and interpersonal tension does eventually force one to look at the reality and admit that people with these conditions wont perform or achieve or have the same quality of life as those who dont suffer from mental illness.  The tough thing is that she intellectually recognises that she is different and it just cripples her self esteem more. Anyway, I have to let go and let her process it all and come through this herself. I cannot deal with it for her.She is 27.  She was so excited to go and now she is being sent home four months before her contract ends.  She will be embarrassed and depressed.  She gave up her job and her flat to take this opportunity and she now basically has to start again from scratch.  I have to deal with my own sadness and disappointment and try to recover financially.  I can only hope that in time she will mature and manage her interpersonal challenges better and not let it cripple her self concept so much. Thanks for listening.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[jellibeans]

peaceinthehome

nothing ventured... . nothing gained. I truly believe your dd has learned something during her oversees employment and regardless of her BPD I do think most people would struggle with this kind of opportunity. I am Canadian but have lived in the USA for over 20 years now... . when I first left Canada I lived in Italy for two years. This was an exciting time for me and my H but also a time of stress. I am not sure where your dd is working but the change in language, customs and way of living must of been hard as well on her. I would try not to focus on the negative and try to see what the psoitives were from her adventure... . there were things she did that were very brave I am sure and that is something she should recognize and be proud of even if it ended early.

[peace in steel town]

Sorry to hear. Maybe she can find her niche in the world. I don't play well with others, but found a job where I work unsupervised, have been there 14 years, and enjoy it.