I first knew my ex as a friend and tbh, although I thought she was beautiful and sexy I was not really attracted to her. Something wasn't right all along, I just couldn't put my finger on it at the time. She came on strong after a month of knowing her and basically love bombed me consistantly for over 2 years. Friends would even ask me why I wasn't going for her as she broadcasted her "love and adoration" for me and everyone thought she was stunning... . even my mother
. I felt repulsed by her at times and it was uncomfortable for me to reject constantly. I would avoid her calls and call off meetings. I actually felt pity for her and felt ashamed that I was hurting her.
There were several things that were warning signs while we were friends:
1. she was quite forceful at times and irritated me
2. she was clingy even as a friend.
3. was love bombing and trying to seduce me while she was in a relationship with a guy
4. she wasn't the best listener
5. there was always some big problem in her life which became boring.
6. She gave me too much info about very intimate and personal things too soon
7. The biggest thing is that I didn't quite trust her
She eventually wore me down. I was vulnerable last year (my business was going into bankruptcy and I was forced to sell my house). She finally sold me the dream and I said "what the hell, let's give it a go". I then started to fall for her hard, her intensity and constant attention was a boost to my self esteem and I ignored all the danger signs. I had also chosen to be celibate for almost 3 years and she played the sex card openly and graphically from long distance. I was weak at the time and she got me. At the time she was in London and we made plans to be together. I sold up and moved countries on a wing and a prayer. I made the choice to take a huge risk that in truth I knew had high odds of not working.
She chose me, handpicked me, and pursued me feverishly at times and that boosted my fragile ego. i thought I had a position of strength going into the relationship but that quickly changed. Long story short, after a few weeks honeymoon, she turned the screws, the roles reversed and the abuse started. I became needy and frightened. I hung on to the dream that was fading fast. I finally had to run for my life and it was the biggest mess I've ever had in a r/s. We both got badly hurt here.
I can see what I brought to this and my part in it all . I was not honest with myself or her. I agreed to things I wasn't sure of. I over committed. I ignored my instincts. I was way off balance in my decision making and allowed myself to be coerced, manipulated and eventually dominated. I got caught up in her seduction. I wanted to be her knight in shining armour.
Sure, her behaviour was absolutely vile particularly at the end and was undeserved. She brutalised me on all levels. The truth is that I made the choice to be with her against my instincts, advice by close friends, and despite all warning signs. I am not beating myself up. I'm just being honest. I had a big part to play and this is moving me out feeling victimised by her illness.
I know that this admission is the key to healing.
