Self-reliance still eludes me...

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

I've been married for 13 years and just celebrated my 38th birthday. After all this time, I still don't have my act together. I feel like I'm playing at being an adult; so I feel like an imposter. Can anyone else relate?

If you have managed to drag yourself out of this warped mindset foisted on us by a BPD parent and to become an independent, functioning member of society, please, do share what steps you took to do so.

I'd be especially interested in hearing from anyone who's self-employed. I'd like to work for myself but, of course, was raised to answer to an authority figure and to view everything as being difficult; so it's been impossible for me eradicate this warped "lesson."

Thank you,

Jenk

[Jenk]

I've been married for 13 years and just celebrated my 38th birthday. After all this time, I still don't have my act together. I feel like I'm playing at being an adult; so I feel like an imposter. Can anyone else relate?

If you have managed to drag yourself out of this warped mindset foisted on us by a BPD parent and to become an independent, functioning member of society, please, do share what steps you took to do so.

I'd be especially interested in hearing from anyone who's self-employed. I'd like to work for myself but, of course, was raised to answer to an authority figure and to view everything as being difficult; so it's been impossible for me eradicate this warped "lesson."

Thank you,

Jenk

[Ihope2]

When I read your post, Jenk, I just think of "Healing the Inner Child".  Have you heard of the author, Charles L. Whitfield?  He wrote a lot of self-help books in the 1980's about healing our damaged inner child. Basically today in therapy they would call it "re-parenting yourself".  If you were a product of a dysfunctional childhood, you are sure to be carrying that pain around with you and it is limiting your personal growth.

Some of the books above author has written, which are helping me immensely as I read through them:


"Healing the Child Within - Discovery and Recovery for Adult Children of Dysfunctional Families"

"Boundaries and Relationships - Knowing, Protecting and Enjoying the Self"

"A Gift to Myself:  A Personal Guide to Healing my Child Within"

I am turning 45 this year and I certainly have not had my act together up to now. I have been carrying a burden of unresolved childhood baggage around with me.  It has informed my entire adult life up to now. I have been compulsive and repeating the same old dysfunctional patterns in my life, repeating the script that I learned in my dysfunctional FOO.

I have been co-dependent and enmeshed and unable to know who I really am and what I really stand for.  Up until now. It took a highly dysfunctional relationship with a BPD man to bring me to self-awareness and crack me wide open as to what I need to do to heal myself.

I have also always been totally cowered and in awe of those in authority over me, and I always thought that everyone knew everything better than me!  I never trusted my own abilities fully.  I have been hiding from life! 

Wow, the thought of being self-employed is amazing - but that type of thought has always scared me half to death!  And yet, others do it, so what is their secret?  It is self-belief and learning to let go of all of one's fears and anxieties and feelings of inadequacy and shame. 

Good luck with everything!