EMDR

[AimingforMastery]

My relationship with my BPD gf has improved and I am considering staying. We do not live together, but 6 months ago I set a boundary do depth therapy/EMDR or I am gone!

I had no knowledge of CBT or DBT then, but knew she had PTSD from significant trauma and abuse.

She has been growing and I am beginning to see changes in her behavior - more considerate, owning her issues & feelings, owning the hole in the center, apologizing for her actions much more, and being aware of the neediness, and so forth. She also say she has come completely clean about everything (?) in the past and says she feels guilty if she lies to me any more as she tells me I have done so much for her. Hopefully less push pull now too... .

My question is she wants a new therapist and I am wondering do any of you have experience with EMDR? What do you think of it for BPD?

I am a great fan of EMDR, but have no experience of CBT or DBT. To me EMDR is the best at healing PTSD which I feel is the route cause of BPD. I am not a shrink, but I do have a psychology degree.

All your thoughts and comments are welcome.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Grey Kitty]

Welcome to the staying board!

I don't really know anything about EMDR... . and my wife recovered through a combination of things that probably aren't repeatable for anybody else, so I won't give you full details.

One part was her realizing she was being abusive to me.

One part was me enforcing boundaries to prevent the abuse.

One part was mindfullness meditation (which we both did).

The final piece was  part was a workshop that helped her deal directly with her own self-hatred.

And most of it was hard work on her part, facing really tough stuff--I'm proud of her. It was over a year, and it was hard on me and harder on her. I think that one big reason I was able to stick around was that I could always see that she was even harder on herself than she was on me.

We do have an article on treatment; I recommend you read it if you haven't already:

BPD: Treatments, Cures

As for helping her find a new T, if she acknowledges BPD, then interviewing a T and asking about their experience with BPD is a good idea. (If she doesn't, then think long and hard before you speak of it... . we have a big topic on that too.)

How involved in her search for a new T are you?

How involved does she want you to be?

[ziniztar]

Isn't EMDR a way of capturing a positive feeling in a certain way, "grounding" that feeling and then using it when needed? Trying to rewrite some of the emotions you have in certain situations?

My T tried that recently on me, I'm not sure what I think of it yet.

I don't think it's the right fit for someone with only BPD, I think it's a way of treating symptoms where you need to have a very strong mind in order to do so. I do definitely think it makes sense with people that suffer from PTSD.

Perhaps it could be part of her program. There are always a few questions I ask myself:

- Do I want it?

- Can I do it?

- Do I want to do it now?

That last one is important. Sometimes it makese more sense to walk through therpay in a certain sequence. If her PTSD is prohibiting her progress in BPD therapy, then yes. Is it not, then maybe it could be a good option for the future, but not now. I think a therapist could definitely give you a good view on this.

As all pwBPD are unique, I also think therapy is unique. What works for my dBPDbf does not have to work for yours. I also think that progress evolves in stages and that some therapy works in a certain stage, but doesn't in the next one (or vice versa). Keep searching for what works for her, be careful not to push her into any type of therapy as she will resent you for it if it doesn't work out. It is all about her, and she is the only one to decide.

Best of luck 

[shatra]

EMDR is effective. I wonder why she wants to switch therapists? Sometimes pwBPD "split" and see T as all bad and want to "abandon" T. Or it can be part of the push-pull they do with most other people. If so, it might help to talk it out with current T (and also see if current one does EMDR)

Shatra

[AimingforMastery]

All good points, thank you.

[MissyM]

Interesting.  I do EMDR for the PTSD of having lived with my dBPDh for 16 years and some childhood trauma.  It has been immensely helpful to me.  However, my dBPDh has tried to do it 2 different times and couldn't access his emotions that way.  He is finding DBT therapy very helpful.

[ziniztar]

Shatra and MissyM have good points. The all bad / all good can influence the need to all of a sudden stop with a certain therapist. Usually stability and trust are needed for therapy to work, so switching therapists usually is not a very big step forward. Still, therapy has to work for her.

Try to validate her feelings of not being happy about her current therapy. See if you can regulate some of that doubt she has in her mind, and wait to see if she is still eager to try new therapy.

Sometimes you can also try new therapy without quitting the first one... . perhaps that strategy can work too.

Good luck.

[Haye]

Hm. I've thought EMDR to be useful when one needs to go through old traumas & such, especially if there is plenty to go through. Like vietnam veterans or such (i believe it was developed orginally for treating

My therapist tried it as a part of other therapy (gestalt) years ago. I was being shrinked as a part of recovering from major depression but there was all kinds of things in the mix, like anxieties and some traumas from my childhood etc. I found EMDR hugely effective, but for some reason I disliked it. For me the exalerated way of going through stuff was oddly painful, somehow very very wrong for my mind and I developed a massive dislike towards the method. My therapist told me she has heard before that some very few people get varying side-effects from EMDR, simple and profound dislike being one of them. We are all different and perhaps, since my therapy was going forward fine it was not perhaps even needed?