Any thoughts on me? Anyone else out there think similarly to me... . and maybe had to modify some view to successfully deal with BPD?
OCD can be great because you get things done at a high standard that are worthwhile and you do so efficiently, too... . but it also generally speaks to rigidity. That has a place in certain rare environs; naval aviation being one prime example, I would think.
A hallmark of good mental health is adaptability and flexibility. The OCD qualities that are necessary for naval aviation could wreak havoc in other more relational environments, but that wouldn't matter as long as the person is able to be flexible and adapt. If not, it could be very difficult.
Complex attachment relationships, for example, appear at least on the surface to be very emotion driven and are not necessarily logical in nature and there are way too many variables to track in real time so you can't do it 'perfectly' ala our OCD preference based on patterns, routine, structure, etc. Our primitive brain often runs a big part of the show in relating. The logic is hidden from our view, but it's generally there and we are seeing the logic of seemingly emotion-driven relating patterns via neuroscience more and more... . but not in the heat of the moment. So, I would think being able to be flexible and adapt to what is no doubt a MUCH different environment (naval aviation that requires OCD traits v. a complex relationship) would be incredibly important, regardless of how you achieved your OCD leanings originally (whether via nature or nurture... . most likely it was a combination of both.)
and maybe had to modify some view to successfully deal with BPD?[/
Yes. I had to modify some of my views. Most of the things I have needed to work on needed addressing anyway... . the pwBPD just made it more urgent and dramatic that I get a clue.
I had to get better at managing my own emotional life and not get so whipped around by my partners emotional ups and downs.
I had to stop viewing a relationship as a win or loose event and think about it more globally and more relationally (a entity of it's own involving two nervous systems together and affecting each other either for the good or ill of all involved)
I had to learn to take better care of myself emotionally... . (I generally always took good care of my physical needs but was guilty of expecting my partner to help me out with my emotional regulation when it takes ALL of his resources to manage and cope with his own emotions.)
I had to become a much better listener.
I had to develop better self care and better boundaries for myself.
I had to learn to emotionally validate my partners feeling and stop trying to fix, analyze, teach, label or correct him.
I had to learn to let go and grieve my losses. They were usually not the losses I was anticipating and working myself up over; they were still losses, but just not the kind of losses I thought they would be.
I had to learn to stop being a control freak in relationships and accept people as they are.
Most of these things I've made a lot of progress on but it will always be an ongoing process.
is to compartmentalize... . and focus on the task at hand.
I think this can actually be helpful. If my partner is having an emotional dip, instead of being hooked into it on an emotional level myself, as I did in the past, I acknowledge he is in a bad place for right now, and then I give myself permission to stay focused on my own life and daily tasks. I use to have horrible anxiety whenever he was in a bad place, but I'm able to feel steady and not as affected anymore. I don't know if that is technically compartmentalizing. Because I'm not in anyway denying or avoiding the reality of our situation or tucking it away from awareness; I'm just not affected by it because I don't make it about me or catastrophize it the way I use to. I think what I'm doing is more of a
radical acceptance approach, but I think if you know how to compartmentalize, radical acceptance has some similarities and is available to you... . but with radical acceptance you are probably being more aware and accepting of what is ... . than when we compartmentalize. With compartmentalizing, we sort of tuck reality away from awareness as needed, with radical acceptance you embrace the reality and lean into it, and then move along as needed with increased awareness.
