My need for a little time alone is always taken personally, and it seems to be getting worse. He always *says* he's ok with it, but he isn't, and after I come back from doing whatever it is I've done by myself, he's upset (even though he says, *before* I go, that he is ok with it.) I spend so little time by myself (only a small handful of hours in a week, if I am lucky.) There's always a price to pay, whether I am spending a few hours out of the house alone, to staying in the tub too long. He always asks if I am mad at him (one of his favorite questions, I seem to get it endlessly) and then, within hours, he will start an argument out of thin air, something so artificial and having nothing to do with anything that has been going on, finally I connected it with his discomfort surrounding my absence.
I've tried to talk to him about *everyone* needing space, and about *him* needing space from me, I've quoted Kalil Gibran ("let there be spaces in your togetherness". This seems to work on the front end, before I leave, but when I get back, it's a different story. I can't validate properly, because he denies that he's upset about the absence (when clearly he is, based on his questions when I return and the fact that a fight happens shortly thereafter. How do you validate someone's feelings when they won't admit what they are feeling? How to set boundaries about an issue that is very triggering for most borderlines?
Same here, my wife feels a need to control where I am at all times. Doesn't go well with the fact that I am in great need of my alone time. I've just started seeing a T, and she's bothered by the fact that I don't want to talk about the sessions in detail (I'm guessing it is to rule out that I'm talking about her with him, a form of anxiety?).
I've started taking morning runs as I wake up pretty early most days. If she's still asleep she can't argue. :-) I've yet to find a good way to set boundaries about the issue. There's lots of ammunition she thinks she can use to shoot down the boundary, like "you don't help out enough around the house", "the kids need to do their homework" etc. If you look at it a certain way, there's _always_ something that needs doing. Earlier I've tried to convince her that some things can be done later, in order to feel happier and content right _now_, but she does not have that thinking in her. If you sit around doing nothing you're lazy.
