still trying to wrap my head around this

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

My ex as i have said before a million times, had a background as a counselor, he had a masters in psychology and had a vast knowledge about all of the things we discuss here and suggested tools to me about taking care of myself often. He was always encouraging me to not abandon myself. He had alot of the books too.  BPD was never mentioned.  the focus was mainly on narcissism. He was pretty obsessed with the subject and read extensively about it, claimed he had traits too. Well everyone in my life was a narc he claimed. It just messes me up thinking that he was somehow trying to help me but hurting me at the same time. We were even reading the betrayal bond book together and he put both of our names in the front cover . I can't figure out if he was really trying to help me or if he was trying to distract me by pretending to be caring. I don't understand.  :'(  Anyone else have anything like this?

He even sent me a daily om thing on the authentic self when our relationship ended. He was always sending this type of material to me, and to others. I sent him interesting material on self help, spirituality and psychology too.  We shared this interest .

[corraline]

My ex as i have said before a million times, had a background as a counselor, he had a masters in psychology and had a vast knowledge about all of the things we discuss here and suggested tools to me about taking care of myself often. He was always encouraging me to not abandon myself. He had alot of the books too.  BPD was never mentioned.  the focus was mainly on narcissism. He was pretty obsessed with the subject and read extensively about it, claimed he had traits too. Well everyone in my life was a narc he claimed. It just messes me up thinking that he was somehow trying to help me but hurting me at the same time. We were even reading the betrayal bond book together and he put both of our names in the front cover . I can't figure out if he was really trying to help me or if he was trying to distract me by pretending to be caring. I don't understand.  :'(  Anyone else have anything like this?

He even sent me a daily om thing on the authentic self when our relationship ended. He was always sending this type of material to me, and to others. I sent him interesting material on self help, spirituality and psychology too.  We shared this interest .

[antjs]

My ex as i have said before a million times, had a background as a counselor, he had a masters in psychology and had a vast knowledge about all of the things we discuss here and suggested tools to me about taking care of myself often. He was always encouraging me to not abandon myself. He had alot of the books too.  BPD was never mentioned.  the focus was mainly on narcissism. He was pretty obsessed with the subject and read extensively about it, claimed he had traits too. Well everyone in my life was a narc he claimed. It just messes me up thinking that he was somehow trying to help me but hurting me at the same time. We were even reading the betrayal bond book together and he put both of our names in the front cover . I can't figure out if he was really trying to help me or if he was trying to distract me by pretending to be caring. I don't understand.  :'(  Anyone else have anything like this?

He even sent me a daily om thing on the authentic self when our relationship ended. He was always sending this type of material to me, and to others. I sent him interesting material on self help, spirituality and psychology too.  We shared this interest .

my exBpdgf was older than me by 3 years. she was more experienced than me when it comes to relationships cause she had many partners before me. she had studied psychology as a minor degree. she had treated me more during the clingy phase as an "older sister". she had daddy issues as it was obvious cause all of the men she were with them before me were in their 40s and 50s while she is only 29 now. she tries to give people that image of a "lady" by listening to oldies, drink wine and fake talk in a very mature way. she always talked about narcissism and how facebook and social media is increasing this in people. she comes from another country that speaks the same native language as mine but with different accents and slang words. she always talked about this word that means to be emotionally as a crocodile back (to be emotionally numb). she used to say that she is a miserable woman and she does not want me to be involved with this. she even said that she is afraid that i would get hurt if things "did not work out between us" cause she can easily forget about someone and move on fast. I sent some articles about BPD to my ex during the break up (when she wanted to be friends with me). after sending the articles i was split black in a second though she said she wanted to be friends with me and that i am a good person and she is sorry.

they are aware that there is something wrong with them. even if they are masters of psychology still they do not see anything wrong with them cause the strong denial associated with the disease as a self defensive mechanism is greater than any knowledge or information they can obtain even if they are intellectual.

[heartandwhole]

corraline,

I had a very similar experience to yours.  The pwBPD I was involved with was trained in therapy too, and mentioned he thought he had traits of narcissism (often co-morbid with BPD).  We had the similar views on spirituality, healing, etc., and shared them with each other constantly.  He had been diagnosed with BPD before I met him, and although he didn't completely agree with the diagnosis, he mentioned it often during the protracted ending of our relationship, as a way to explain his erratic behavior. 

If your ex is anything like this, I don't think he was trying to distract you.  He may have wanted to share his growth with you and help you understand him.  He may have been projecting what he wanted to be, as well.  It's certainly speculation on my part, but in my  experience, I don't think his sharing was geared toward pretending to care – it felt genuine, even though I now know that there were many other unconscious factors operating, in both of us. 

What do you feel in your gut about this corraline?

[seeking balance]

Anyone else have anything like this?

Yes, my ex is a phd sociologist specializing in adolescent mental health.

We read many self help, spiritual, couples books - did imago therapy - you name it.

At the end of the day, I deferred to my ex's judgement over my own because I needed to believe my ex and the relationship was authentic.  It was authentic, as much as my ex was capable.

The truth is, my ex wanted to be that person, but with me - it was not possible.  As I began questioning actions/words not aligned with what we had read, my ex really couldn't handle not being seen as "perfect".  She needs idealization as much as she idealizes. 

I have come to learn, there is too much of self help... . living life is not supposed to be so analytical and frankly our relationship was crisis, analyze, crisis, analyze - sometimes, you do have to just live life and BE the person, not talk about becoming the person.

Are you afraid it wasn't real or it was used to manipulate you Corraline? 

[corraline]

i believe it was both