controlling sexual behavior... specially masturbation

[tango1492]

This is pretty person, but I'm just very curious to know if anyone has has this experience.

In the beginning of my relationship with my uBPDx be, and throughout the entire relationship, he was obsessed with whether or not I masturbated, when I masturbated, and trying to make deals in which we'd both agree to never masturbate, etc.

It seems he was very threatened by the idea that I'd have any sort of sexual thoughts, feelings, pleasure, or fantasy that he was not directly involved in. He'd always interrogate me and want me to talk about my fantasies and such when we were intimate. But the minute it was over, he'd be super paranoid, he'd make me promise that is never act out any fantasy I had, he'd question my fidelity, and at times he'd tell me I'm not what he wants, that he doesn't want someone with my sexuality, that he will never trust me. Basically, he'd say he wants to know the truth and that the truth about my fantasies turned him on yet he'd turn around and punish me for my honesty the moment he had his pleasure.

Does this sound at all like familiar behavior to anyone else?

[Narellan]

My ex uBPD was very sexual. Although he told me only with me. He said he hadn't had sex for 18 months and that was with his ex gf of 3 years. He was obsessed with being the best I've ever had. He was. Sex went for hours, he had the best control. Rarely needed to cum in the early stages if the relationship. It was all about me. ( which he then threw in my face once when he stood me up for a date, he then yelled" it's not just all about you and your pleasure)

That connection was very powerful for both of us. We were only together 4 months, so still honeymoon phase but I could just feel that pull toward him all the time. We didn't have to speak or even look at each other it was so intense. Once in the car, it was so strong but I didn't say a word. When we got to our destination he said " I could barely drive, that energy in the car was so string I had to battle not to pull over and kiss you" that was exactly how I felt but hadn't said a word or even looked at him. It was the most intense feeling I've ever had.

The masterbation topic never came up. He did tell me he only had to think of me through the day and needed me immediately. He said he felt crazy and out of control. Never had that before. Sorry if I've gone a bit off topic.

[goodmann11]

A taboo subject but my ex dBPD gf was obsessed by the fact that I might be masturbating and watching porn. Sex became full of hang ups if I didn't cum inside her there was hell to pay. She was very graphic and wanted her neck held and would enjoy all sorts of sexual abuse had I participated. I wont go into detail but you can just imagine.

She would insist that I look in the mirror whilst making love I presume to see myself enjoying her but I was acting out at this point. There was no real intimacy and you really are just an object. You could be anyone at this point performing a service.

Fantastic maybe as a one night stand but in a relationship NO.

I am sure that in the 6 months since she has gone she has slept around trying to fill a void and has got to the point by now where she hates herself even more.

How sad... .

[goodmann11]

And apparently I was the only guy who had ever made her cum through intercourse... . I fell for that one at the time! She had had over 70 sexual partners when I met her at 30 years old. She said she stopped counting at that point... . Wow red flags or what!

[Take2]

Controlling is my ex's middle name... . in everything that involves me.  And probably everyone and anything else in his life.  In terms of our sexual history it was always about me at HIS insistence.  I've read that this is common for narcissists I think? because they are really showing themselves how great they are in bed?  This does make sense in my experience.  He did always need to be in control and I allowed that.  But when it got to the point of him wrapping his hands completely around my neck a couple times - and leaving it like that but not actually choking me - it was beyond disturbing.  The look on his face when he did that was not one of an intimate connection.  Coupled with his behavior outside of the bedroom at that point in the r/s, I was frightened of him.  I still am. 

[Jb101]

And apparently I was the only guy who had ever made her cum through intercourse... . I fell for that one at the time! She had had over 70 sexual partners when I met her at 30 years old. She said she stopped counting at that point... . Wow red flags or what!

Similar! I've never cum like that before, sex with you is so amazing etc. Later found out she'd slept around quite a bit earlier in life. Then near the end ranted about how I was crap in bed, ugly, dick wasn't big enough, you name it... . Fun times... .