It also does help me have compassion for my uBPDw... . and others affected by this... . because I can imagine what it must be like to try to make the crazy emotions fit reality... . or vice versa.
I think this is one of the most difficult and important things to learn: how to protect yourself and manage the situation and at the same time recognize that the person with BPD didn't choose it... .
BPD is linked with strong feelings of abandonment in early life.
My ex's mother died when she was a baby, and nobody has ever told her how that happened or why the cause of death was kept secret.
Her father drank a lot, and sent his daughters to live with relatives in another state. They were a different race, and they treated these young girls well, but as guests; the girls never knew why they were sent there or if they would go back sometime. I'm sure my ex felt a lot of strong emotions she couldn't understand.
She didn't choose any of that, and she didn't choose to have BPD or the other problems she has. (About half of people with BPD have some "co-morbidity" - another psychological disorder too.)
She is responsible for how she deals with it, and it's her choice not to get treatment. But I realize that would be a very difficult thing to accept; in effect she would be giving up who she is, to become someone else. A kind of slow death of her current personality.
I can understand all that, and still do what I can to protect myself and my kids. That's the challenge... .
