Surviving BPD parent and depression

[rebl.brown]

Whew, I've had a terrible time with Major Depressive Disorder that I think comes from growing up with BPD mother and NPD father.  Anyone else struggle with this?  I know depression is complicated and is a combination of many things, genetics environment etc.  The stress from early childhood on has left me with lots of emotional difficulties but one of the largest is depression.  I have had good treatment and support and good doctors.  I'm going tomorrow to change meds as depression is rearing it's ugly head again and I need something different.  Everything helps, cognitive behavioral therapy and spiritual support but man, I think depression is so difficult to deal with.  This may be one of the things I resent most about my abuse from childhood.  Accepting that this may possibly something I'll always have to be careful of is aggravating.  Things could be a lot worse but unstable emotional management is a ... . you know what.

Both my parents have depression and my brother.  I don't have much contact with the parents, none with the mother but my brother has been a lot of help.  He understands.  It's mystifying isn't it?  Why does my brain act so crazy?  Why do levels of stress from childhood seem to reroute so much and the effects last so long?

[Levi78]

I feel ya. Childhood baggage is rotten and it never seems to go away.

I'm on the other end of the spectrum on this -- I have major anger problems as a result of my experiences. A lot of the time I just want to punch people in the face. (Not that I've ever done it, thank god.) I'm generally cynical and tend to have very little patience. I guess the underlying theme is feeling robbed of my childhood. If I could have selective amnesia, I would forget everything before the age of 19.

Buddhism has helped me somewhat, however it's a daily struggle. You're not alone in these battles. 

[Gowest]

Yes, I know what you mean. I pretty much did forget everything, but still get depressed.

[lucyhoneychurch]

Hi rebl.  If you read some articles about how childhood abuse (not just sexual abuse, but what all of us endured here on every level) *rewires* our brains - they've tied childhood abuse with suicide victims... . indicating how this "rewiring" sets us up for such awful personal issues in dealing with what the world throws at everyone.

That was a real eye opener for me. I wasn't making up the longterm pain... . neither were my siblings... . what I finally was able to weave into it, knowing my mother's early years' abandonment of her own by her parents... . is that... . it's a vicious stinking disgusting cycle. Or it CAN be.

She had the type of abuse where nobody hits you. You are just completely invisible.

I heard it from enough relatives about her and the brother she was closest to - he was shut down, reclusive, like her mirror image - she acted out, he acted in... . very depressive... .

They were left on their own when their family had a slew of sad events... .

Sent away... .

But but but... . I think of how my siblings and I grew up... . with her outright hateful abuse and projection and sick twisted stuff... . and I want to scream... . None of us in turn abused our kids or other people... . and we haven't... . we have gorgeous kids, we're decent people... .

So it is so sad when we realize we were the ones who fell through the cracks - children of uBPD parents... . and usually fairly good parents to those we bring into the world... .

See what you can find about this rewiring... . it's pretty much science now that this happens... . studies done on brains... .

I'm glad you are so very aware of how much you deserve help combatting the depression.

Cheers. I hope you have a really good day.