This may sound classist.
My ex came grew up in a trailor park in tweekerville usa. I think within certain socioeconomic classes where prison and drugs and all that are considered a part of life the likeliness of the conditions to create borderlines and cluster B types are increased.
Now if we listen to the music that is popular with the youth within this socioeconomic class they all listened to hip hop. The lyrics to the songs were all about how to treat "tricks" "hos" and "hoodrats." How "these B***s cant be trusted" and more lyrics like that.
When I went to visit her sisters that were teenagers they dressed with their butts hanging out makeup and drew attention from any age range of guys. There was a 70 something year old man making cat calls and lewd gestures at them when we were out before. Now every girl in her family is very pretty and blessed with an incredible waist to hip ratio.
These girls their male cousins they all listened to this music that lyrics on how to treat "hos" and hoodrats. The girls would chant, "b___es aint S*** but tricks and hos"
I found it disturbing to say the least. It made me realize though that in certain neighborhoods so many households are dysfunctional that there are probably a lot more BPD girls and they call them by a different name, "freaks," "hos," "tricks," "b___es," and "hoodrats." They know they are not to be trusted and the consensus seems to be to use them and abuse them and disregard them. In their world we are chumps being played because we are playing be a different set of rules.
I understand and appreciate the perspective of your last post. I don't know so much if it would be considered "classist" or not - but you are correct that in any environment where dysfunction is allowed to stand as a norm, there are going to be more "messed up" people. I'm not going to go so far as to say that just because a person listens to Hip-hop (or the crappy hip-hop), that because of the lyrics and what they associate with in their day to day life makes them all borderlines.
Would that be the same as (I'm saying this over broadly) - anyone who listens to country music and the lyrics are all about people going to or getting out of jail and living in dirt poor conditions of some small country town or trailer park is going to make all of them borderline if they want to live in a trailer, drive a pickup and watch CMT?
No. That would be insane and highly judgemental of me to do so with such a broad brush.
We all have our lives to live how ever and whatever we associate with. I don't and can't comprehend how someone likes going to play golf, or hang out at the country club or go to a Castilian - and spend their day wondering where they are gonna stay on their next trip to Asia.
Does that mean they somehow are borderline if they got into a r/s with me (or I'm the bad seed or whatever)? In this context, I'm positive one of them "hoodrats" will mate up with another of their kind and could have the most wonderful healthy relationship the world has ever seen - because they probably feel comfortable being themselves.
That is the one problem with pwBPD - They don't have a core identify. They morph back and forth depending on who they are around. At least the 'hoodrats' know who they are - and know what they will put up with, they probably have really real strong boundaries. Do something like... . oh, I dunno, cheat and lie to them - well then that is a deal breaker... . r/s over... . on to the next person who will fit in their life.
That sounds like pure 100% healthy to me.
That is where I'm at at this point in my life finally being away from my diagnosed ex wife. Don't get me wrong, I still love her and miss her and would love the opportunity to talk with her - but that is just a hold over and I can get over that.
But moving forward - if I get involved with someone (like my recently exed girlfriend) and things start to happen that go against my boundaries (like, oh I dunno lying and cheating) - well then that is a deal breaker and I'm walking. Because life is too short to play those kinds of games or put up with any r/s which is toxic or makes you have to feel angry or upset or frustrated.
You should be able to be happy and making positive strides in your life - whomever you are with and regardless of their background. If it works for you - it works. If it doesn't - you have to remember you are not being held an emotional hostage - that would be the FOG at work.
You can accept or deny anything you don't like or don't want in your life.
Your happiness starts and ends with you.
