uBPDh was given Abilify by his doctor... therapist objects?

[Ceruleanblue]

I was reading online last night, and found out the medicine my husband was prescribed a few weeks ago by his family doctor, is an antipsychotic commonly prescribed for BPD.

I'd gone along with my H to the doctor, and told him of his rages, skewed thinking, unpredictability, how his anger goes way back(not recent), his past rocky relationships,  and his overall blame of me. He prescribed this medicine, and said his three years of "therapy" have obviously not given him the results he wanted, and that this is likely a mental health issue.

So when I read online that Abilify is prescribed for BPD, I was happy, because I really think he has BPD.

Today I accompanied him to T, because H wants us to meet with T and his daughter next week, and I have reservations, and I also thought I'd tell her some of Hs behaviors. It went badly. It feels like he has brainwashed her and now she views ME as the one with issues. Even though she knows he's been physical with me in the past, and she knows lots of the horrible things he's said, and just last week she told him his threats to me are "unfair". She was really different this time(we used to see her for marriage therapy), and she kept trying to say we just have communication issues. This is way more than communication issues. She also sort of justified H's crap, like when he said I should just give him a "yes or no" answer if he asks me something, not to say anything more. Talk about controlling? So she said "well, how about if he tells you he just wants a yes or no"... . so now I have to be told HOW I can answer? The whole session was like this. My views were pretty discounted, and she never called him on any of his crap, even when I told her he tells me he "doesn't care about my feelings" and to "keep my opinions to myself". What kind of T can condone that? It's verbal abuse, I feel. I used to leave couples T with her feeling she was fair, and that she would try to get H to at least see my side, or do a slight compromise. Now, she is clearly on HIS side alone. I thought they were not supposed to take clear sides?

But when we first walked in to therapy, his T told him she'd emailed his doctor about his medicine his doctor prescribed. I feel like H and his T are in cahoots, because H is in strong denial about having any chemical imbalance at all. He just blames me. WHY would his T do that? I was so happy that H is on a drug that may help him, and it seems that his doctor may be suspecting BPD... . or some such. His doctor asked H if he'd ever seen a Psychiatrist, and H spoke up and mentioned T, who is a psychologist, and also in the group on doctors this doctor is in(different location though). I wonder if Hs doctor will now take him off this med? I'm so mad at his T. He's been going to her for three years, he's gotten way worse, and she won't refer him, and she says anger is not linked to depression in men! Which I later found out is false.

How can this T be overlooking so many symptoms and signs of BPD? She seems fooled by Hs nice demeanor, and he only displays the crazy at home right now, although he has had issues with boss' and teachers in his past. In high school he got in a physical altercation with his shop teacher that went from one end of the room to the other. This is not new to me, and H has not told T a lot of that. So frustrated.

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[Ceruleanblue]

WHY would his T need to email my husband's doctor at all over this medication? I feel she wants to recommend he be taken off it, and I feel the doctor is better qualified to prescribe him meds than this T, who I feel is overlooking obvious signs in my husband.

I'm not worried about him being depressed(BPD symptoms are so much worse), but he has gained 40 pounds, is very angry, and has sleep issues, all of which point to depression, but she tested him, and says he has no signs.

He goes because she doesn't challenge him, he just vents to her, she sympathizes, and he goes home, and forgets what she says unless is supports what HE wants. Oh, and she says he isn't narcissistic either, yet SHE doesn't live with him always getting what HE wants.

Do I have reason to be worried that she emailed his doctor? I was just so happy he was given what looked to be a great medicine, even though he is still not diagnosed. And if T has any say in it, he never will be. I feel I'm not only fighting Hs denial, but his T supports his delusions.

[MaybeSo]

maybe she is just consulting with doc re: meds. she may want to know what symptoms the doc is hoping to target, etc. maybe she thinks another med would be more helpful, who knows.

your husband has been her client long term now; so he's the client. if you were both still doing couples therapy, 'the couple' would be the client; when the couple is the client it would be critical to maintain neutrality (though often couples equally feel as though a side is being taken even if the T is working hard to emotionally validate both of them.)

But, he is her client right now.

it can be tricky to go into that situation, esp. if you were seeing her in the past as a couple.

his sleep problem and weight gain generally points to a major depressive disorder, unless a medical issue can account for that (diabetes, etc) personality traits tend to remain stable over time but the depression and anxiety that typically co occur can go from mild to severe. Medication at this point is certainly worth a try. he likely has more than just BPD going on.

he is in therapy and it's been long term so... .

I hope you see some improvement soon.

as partners we can sometimes exacerbate things with our own codep traits, our own anxiety, depression, we can even have PTSD type symptoms ourselves from the stress etc. Try to keep your eyes on your own health and wellbeing and your own self care as much as you can.

I'm not sure why she is saying he isn't depressed?  the symptoms you describe point to depression that may have gotten worse. perhaps his presentation and reporting differs from yours?

eyes on your own paper is a good idea.

Wishing you the best.

[Ceruleanblue]

I think I may have posted this in a previous blog, but I agree that H seems to show some symptoms of "depression" that his T should have picked up on. When he'd tell me about some things his T would say, I would just think "that doesn't sound right", then file it away. Well, when I started T I ran some of these things by HER, and trust me, I can tell she knows her stuff, she contradicted some of these things: Mainly she said that ANGER is a sign of depression in men, and that of course medication can help, both of which H's T denied. I went home, researched it online, and my T is right. Add the weight gain, sleep issues, and other things, and I think he clearly qualifies as "depressed".

Beyond that, he clearly has BPD, just looking at his behaviors, my life with him, his ex's relationship with him, his past relationships, his issues with authority, bosses, road rage, you name it. Plus, he's been through anger management twice now, and three years of therapy, all to no effect. Well wait, he's actually become worse. His kids failed to accept our marriage, and he blames me for that(even though his ex cheated and left him), and his kids are grown, and don't get to choose for him. His kids clearly also have personality disorders, and three of the four are just plain mean. One used to be a cutter, and last time she was over for dinner, she went crazy on me for NO apparent reason. When we cleared H's old house out, I found printed copies scanned from book pages, about BPD, in my Step Son's room, no less. I found it way after H and I were married, and Step Son had moved out, and I was already having suspicions about H. It's most likely Step Son had that stuff printed off because a) his therapist suspected step son had it, or b) Step Son told of his Dad's rage and behaviors and his therapist told him it sounded like BPD, and printed him stuff off so he knew how best to deal with it?

All I know is after this last session, and things I've heard H relate, I feel his T is crap. It's been three years, and we got NOWHERE with her in "couples" therapy, and it did back then I had a much higher opinions of her, because at least she seem fair/balanced, and she tried, I just stopped going because she had such troubled getting through to him, he didn't use any of the tools he was given, he just wanted to blame ME, I was doing all the work, so I decided after six months to stop going, and let him focus on HIM for a while.

He did say today that he'd go to a Psychiatrist, and we had a calm(shocker) talk about what he is currently doing isn't working, which is what his family doctor said too, so maybe, just maybe, if H doesn't back out, we'll get somewhere. I'm afraid to get my hopes up.

[Ceruleanblue]

Oh, and one more thing. I think he does downplay all but my "issues"(anxiety, which was fine prior to him), to his T. Also I'm in T for myself, and I'd love to just "keep my eyes on my own paper", and at some point I'm sure I'll be able to do that, but right now, if he doesn't get diagnosed and treated, I'm not sure our marriage will survive.

His acting out is greatly affecting MY health and wellbeing. I feel like I'm walking in a landmine, not just walking on eggshells. It's been traumatic, and it's been daily, and I hardly ever get a break. For now, I'm trying to stay away from him, but that isn't effective long term, and it isn't what I want for either of us. I need to be able to talk or have interaction with him without total fear of him blowing up. It's like he HAS TO blow up at least once a day, to relieve himself and put it onto me. So for now, I'm using avoidance, and lots of therapy for myself.