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Author Topic: Introduction and RTC feedback  (Read 1111 times)
looking_for_answers

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« on: June 06, 2014, 03:11:37 PM »

I've been reading here for many months and soaking up information from all of you wonderful parents.  This is my first time to come out from the shadows and post.  I have a 15 year old daughter who I believe has BPD.  She certainly meets most of the criteria.  No professional has formally diagnosed her with this since she is under 18, but they have verbally told me they believe it's BPD.

I feel like I am fortunate compared to many of you because she doesn't seem as severe as some.  She does rage, but it is very rare.  Most of her anger is directed at herself.  She has no self-esteem, cannot maintain friendships, moods change by the minute, cannot regulate her emotions, self harms often, ... .   You get the picture.  In the last 2 years she has spent 3.5 months in residential/inpatient treatment for her eating disorder and has been hospitalized 3 times for suicidal ideation and one time after a suicide attempt a few months ago.  She is a very smart kid but doing poorly in school because she just doesn't care.  On Monday she sliced her arm open in 7 places, 2 of them requiring stitches.  Since she did it with a razor blade at school, the blade is considered a weapon and she has been suspended for the rest of this school year and the 1st quarter of next year.

I feel like we have truly tried all of the options we have readily available to us.  She's been in therapy for 2 years.  She always resorts back to self-harm as her coping mechanism and can't see past just wanting to die when anything goes wrong.  Since she has been suspended from school for the 1st quarter of next year and we need to find a new school for her, it just seems like the logical step at this point is a residential treatment center/therapeutic boarding school.  I know that in a little over 2 years she will be 18 and I will have no control over her treatment, so I feel like a window is slowly closing on my opportunity to get the help I believe she needs.

After online research and talking to over 20 different facilities, this is the list of places that I think warrant further research and possibly a visit.  I would love to hear from anybody that has any experience with any of these places.  I have read most of the posts on the RTC board, but many don't list which place their child is at.  It is definitely useful to hear about others experiences and has helped me gather my list of questions for places, but what I need now is honest feedback from anybody who has dealt with these places in particular:

Sedona Sky

Discovery Ranch for Girls

Clearview Horizon

Sunrise

Falcon Ridge Ranch

Red Rock Canyon

Maple Rise Academy

Kolob Canyon

Thanks for reading this far!
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Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders
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« Reply #1 on: June 06, 2014, 08:53:36 PM »

Hello, looking_for_answers &  Welcome

I, personally, have no experience with any of the RTC's that you are researching, but I do know that there is extensive information available on this Board regarding the Falcon Ridge Ranch (here: Falcon Ridge Ranch Month 1... . "). This may be something you have already read, but if not, it is something that you would find very educational and helpful.

I'm sure that other parents who have experiences with specific RTC's will jump in with their thoughts once they see this thread... . I'm very sorry for the pain and problems you are going through with your daughter; I know how hard it is as a parent to see our children harm themselves and/or self-destruct, and to feel helpless to make it stop. I'm glad you've been reading what you can on this site, and very happy that you have finally decided to stop lurking and join the conversation    Have you had the chance to check out all the links to the right-hand side of this page? While you are researching the RTC's, and hopefully receiving feedback on them from other members, taking some time to read the TOOLS and THE LESSONS will also be helpful.

I have found some books to also be instrumental in my own dealings with my BPD son (37), and I was wondering which ones you've already read? A couple that I think would give you some new insights into how your daughter's mind works is "The Buddha and the Borderline" by Kiera Van Gelder & "Get Me Out of Here" by Rachel Reiland. Also, "Overcoming Borderline Personality Disorder" by Valerie Porr is one of my favorites--my BPD "Bible" of sorts.

I'm sorry I don't have information on RTC's first-hand for you (my own son attended a 21-day Intensive Inpatient Dual Diagnosis Program for adults, at the Bradford Regional Medical Center in Bradford, PA, and I highly recommend it to non-teens). I agree with you that you have a little window of time to help your daughter this way, since she isn't 18 yet, and she desperately needs to get on track for her own health and well-being. Please hang in there, looking_for_answers, and know that there can be light at the end of the tunnel... . many of the parents on this Board have found that things can get better with the proper treatment for our children. I hope you find the right place for your daughter 

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Someday . . .
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« Reply #2 on: June 06, 2014, 09:22:13 PM »

It certainly seems as though you are well read and doing a lot of 'homework'!  I just wanted to put my two cents worth in . . .I have heard that Falcon Ridge is a good place (when my daughter was at McLean 3 East it was recommended), and I personally know three girls who have gone to New Haven in Utah (at different times) and both the mothers and daughters have felt that it was very effective.

Good luck!  You certainly do have time on your side (under 18!).  Please keep us posted!

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looking_for_answers

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« Reply #3 on: June 07, 2014, 12:58:25 PM »

Rapt Reader - I have been working through the tools and lessons on the right.  It seems that it is much easier to read about these concepts than it is to actually apply them in practice.  But I am practicing my skills and working on it.  I know I am much better now about really empathizing with what my daughter is going through rather than just wondering why she is being such a pain in the butt!  I have read the entire thread on Falcon Ridge Ranch.  My daughter loves horses so I think someplace like that might be a good fit for her, but of course that is a secondary concern to the actual clinical treatment she will receive somewhere.

I have read "Walking on Eggshells", "I hate you, don't leave me", "Overcoming Borderline Personality Disorder" and am just finishing up "Buddha and the Borderline".  Next on my list is "Borderline Personality Disorder in Adolescents" by Blaise Aguirre.  I will add "Get Me Out of Here" to my list.  If you can't already tell, I am very rational minded and turn to books when I don't understand something!

Someday - Good to know about New Haven.  I had taken it off my list because it is associated with Sunrise RTC.  I was told (by their admissions staff) that the programs are very similar other than the therapy sessions at new haven being 90 minutes instead of 60 minutes.  It is about 50% more cost than sunrise though.  But perhaps if I'm going out there to visit places I should try to see both.  What was your experience with McLean 3 East?  I know it is supposed to be an excellent DBT program.  My concern is that it is so expensive and doesn't last very long.  I will be paying for this out of pocket so if I send her to McLean and that's not enough time I don't think I'll be able to afford a different longer option then.
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Someday . . .
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« Reply #4 on: June 08, 2014, 12:44:43 PM »

looking-for-answers, I feel that the expense of Mclean was worth every penny.   I felt that they obviously knew what they were doing and did it VERY well - Mclean is  number 1 in the US (by US News and World Report) for psychiatric hospitals.   I noticed a HUGE difference in my daughter after she left the program.   As for what my daughter felt:  she felt out of all the places she's been (8 facilities including Silver Hill and Sierra Tucson) that McLean's 3 East was by far the most effective place she had been in.  She has mentioned several times that if she could go back, she would in a heartbeat.

When my daughter was discharged in  August 2009 McLean did not have a transitional living (which they do now) and instead my daughter headed to a transitional living that was not really suited for her (my mistake - I did not check it out in person  : (

If you do have the extra money, I would send her to Mclean . . .if you do not have the money starting her out at a GOOD facility (like the ones you have researched) and having her stay for awhile, I feel is a really good alternative.

The one thing that you mentioned was that since Mclean is so much money that you may not have the option of longer care.  Knowing what I know (going through this for the past 10 years and researching/reading etc... .)  personally I would opt for the longer term care.   I feel that it gives a person enough time to establish and solidify effective behaviors and that is very important.  Otherwise (as in my daughters case) she slipped back within the years time to old behaviors and patterns.

Good luck!  Again, keep us posted!

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pessim-optimist
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« Reply #5 on: June 08, 2014, 08:31:45 PM »

Hello looking_for_answers, 

I also want to post a warm welcome to the Parenting board!

I am so sorry that your dd was suspended from school... . Have you thought about establishing an IEP for your daughter? The school system is obligated to provide adequate schooling for your dd and if they can't there is sometimes a way for them to have to pay for an RTC.

I do not know the details of this, but have read about it on this website and here is an interesting discussion about funding/payment for RTCs with lbjnltx who's daughter was at the Falcon Ridge:

We've had her admitted at two hospitals before. Both times insurance covered it for a little over a week. We don't have the money to pay for a RTC.

Is rtc something you would consider if you could find the means?

Absolutely. Although I don't know if they would take her. Doesn't she need to be "a risk to herself or someone else" to meet criteria or something? I know with the two hospital stints, one is because she jumped out of my car when it was moving and the other because she grabbed the wheel of my car while I was driving over the bridge. And even then it was hard getting her approved.

Criteria for placement, quite frankly, depends on who is paying for it.

Self Pay. You choose when, where and how long.

Insurance. They give you a few choices of approved facilities, it must be "medically necessary", length of stay

              usually predetermined by your policy.  If not predetermined they determine based on the clinical

              reports from the rtc.

IEP.  School pays and uses a specialist to work with you to provide choices of facilities.

Combination... . IEP pays for educational aspect of the program. Insurance pays for treatment portion of the

            program. You pay for the rest. (or various combinations).

States sometimes have programs that will pay for residential care.  You just have to find the right loop to jump through.  For example, and this was a few years back, a parent could have a child declared medically dependant  due to a chronic illness (mental or physical) and the child would qualify for medicaid.  Medicaid will pay for rtc care in some instances.  There were very specific guidelines and criteria that must be met for this program to cover rtc... . like Child must not have been in any other state medical facility. And such.

Most of the kids who were in the RTC with my daughter were there on IEP's.  Full pay... . $250.00 per day.  I understand that it has become more difficult to get RTC through an IEP since the economy took a dive. President Bush signed into law the "No Child Left Behind Act" which legally forces the school district to provide alternate education for special needs children.  If the school district cannot provide the appropriate environment for educating a special needs child they are required to fund outside their district and sometimes their state.  Many parents use an Educational Attorney to enforce their rights to RTC through an IEP.  Many parents seek the advice of an Educational Consultant to help them get the school district to place their child in a certain facility vs a facility the school deems appropriate.

There are many avenues to getting RTC placement and funding.  None of them easy.

I hope this helps keep more options open for you... .

Welcome again, looking_for_answers. 
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« Reply #6 on: June 09, 2014, 09:42:58 AM »

Dear  looking_for_answers

I just wanted to tell you that I thought you were doing a great job of looking for a RTC. My dd16 was not doing well a year ago. She had been struggling for years but really got worse when she entered high school. By her Sophomore year she was drinking, drugging and skipping school. Had tried to jump out of my moving car several times and was completely out of control... . raging at us daily. We started with the hospitalizations where she picked up cutting and eating disorders and it all went down hill from there to overdosing 6 times within a year and running away several times as well. After having two sucide attempts in one weekend we decided we could no longer keep her safe and she was placed into a RTC. Our family was in crisis at the time and I just needed help immediately and I really didn't have the time to research centers like you are doing.

She went to a place in San Marcos and I really didn't like the place very much but I did think she received the intense therapy she needed daily... . when she was released she went to a day program for a while and then it was summer and she returned to her T and saw her 3 times a week. That was a year ago and I will say the RTC helped stop the pattern of SI and she was able to learn some coping skills. We have seen a lot of improvements this year... . we have both grown and learned a lot and I will say the RTC was a good thing for her. We decided to give her a year and see how she managed at home and I had looked into Falcon Ridge and liked that program. I have all her paper work there and if we felt that she was struggling we would take her to falcon Ridge but that has not happened. My dd's overdoses were not serious and although they were upsetting she was never harmed by the meds she took and I am not sure she really even took anything because they never found high levels in her system.

In the past year she has had some issues but on the most part she has been able to cope well. She did have an overdose during exams in Dec 13 and that was a set back but she recovered quickly and she has been stable ever since. That is an improvement over last year but we still have a ways to go. She turns 17 this summer and is going into her senior year. I hope she matures more this coming year and is able to go to college or what ever after she finishes high school.

I tell you all this because I know you are wondering if you will ever get through what is going on now in your dd's life. You are questioning if she will ever be able to live independently and if she will be able to live a productive life on her own. If you asked me a year ago about my dd I would have doubted she would even graduate high school and I certainly doubted she would be able to go to college but now I really do allow myself to dream a bit and I do think she has come a long ways. I want you to keep that in mind... . try to keep things in perspective and have hope. I am glad you are reading as much as possible because that really helped me understand this disorder. I think when you change how you interact with your dd you will see her change as well.

I hope my post has helped you... . hang in there... . I know it is a tough time for all. Don't forget to take care of yourself during this time.
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« Reply #7 on: June 09, 2014, 11:23:16 AM »

Hello looking-for-answers - I certainly can sympathize with your situation with your daughter.  It is heart breaking to watch them in such pain.  You are so smart to understand that you have a window of time and your daughter is blessed to have you.  I don't know if it will help, but I wanted to share with you a few this that worked for us when our BPD daughter was in High school.  At that time we did not have the diagnosis but we were dealing with suicidal ideation, depression, high anxiety and a host of things that we did not even know about until much later.  After a month long out patient program she was released to a DBT therapist and attended three times a week.  the anxiety was too high to actually attend school on campus.  School psychologist suggested a home and hospital plan where an assigned teacher delivered a very watered down curriculum (so much busy work when they are in school) and they walked and talked about assigned books.  They met at our home for an hour a day when BPD daughter was capable.  It was a huge blessing, academically and emotionally for both of us!  I knew I had an hour when I could run an errand or just sit in my room and cry.  After a few weeks it was suggested that BPDd "touch" the campus by volunteering in the special needs room.  she had to drive, park and walk across the school site to give back to those less fortunate.  In return she received unconditional love for an hour 3 times a week.  I am not saying this was the perfect situation and the answer to everything, but the school did work with us.  It is exhausting, frightening and all kinds of other emotions. we simply could not afford to send her away and this was the best thing we knew how to do.   My thoughts are with you.
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looking_for_answers

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« Reply #8 on: June 10, 2014, 11:04:14 AM »

Someday - Thanks for the feedback on McLean.  They are definitely still on my radar as far as things to try with my daughter.  Aside from the money part of it, I also fear that my daughter would at least try to just fake her way through it since it's a shorter program.  I guess my thoughts are to try the longer duration program first.  If that doesn't help (or doesn't have a lasting affect), we can try McLean after that (if I still have any money left!)

pessim-optimist - Thanks for the post about the IEP and the possibility of having the school district pick up some of the cost.  I know that is an avenue that I need to explore and have just been too lazy up until now to do anything about it.  She does not have an IEP at the moment.  My fear (or perhaps just excuse) is the time it will take to go down this path.  I want to get her placed somewhere probably sometime within the next month.  I have this perception that it will take many months of dealing with the school district and maybe nothing will happen at all over the summer.  But maybe I'm just making excuses and need to get moving and make it happen, could potentially save me a large sum of money.

jaynebrain - sounds like your school did work very well with you.  Even though they are very nice, I feel like our school will just be happy to not have to deal with my daughter.  I know there are options for homebound instruction that our school will support, but this won't work for us.  DD's dad and I are divorced, so we both work full time to support our households.  And there is no way my DD can be left to her own devices all day every day.  We try to not give her much unsupervised time at all.  If I do have to leave her alone to run do something, I'm holding my breath the entire time.  It's so emotionally draining to feel like you have a toddler again that you have to watch every minute.

jellibeans - Thank you so much for your words of encouragement and hope.  At this point, it is difficult to see much of a future for my DD.  I have accepted that there is only so much I can do and much of it is out of my hands.  I will give her every opportunity I can for her to get the treatment she needs and deserves and try to be supportive of her struggles.  But ultimately she is the one who has to do the hard work.  It is so nice to hear that people can and do get better from this terrible disorder.

I want to say that reading on this board for the past few months has been a godsend to me.  I do have a couple of friends that know about everything that's happening with my DD.  While they are supportive of me, at the same time they don't really understand.  It is nice to be able to relate to people who have actually walked a mile in the same shoes and really do get it.
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« Reply #9 on: June 10, 2014, 08:55:04 PM »

Thanks for the post about the IEP and the possibility of having the school district pick up some of the cost. 

... . My fear (or perhaps just excuse) is the time it will take to go down this path. 

... . But maybe I'm just making excuses and need to get moving and make it happen, could potentially save me a large sum of money.

I think that your perception might be correct, as far as the energy and time it may require. I did hear that in some places it takes a lot of effort to get the school to comply with what they are obligated to do. So, I do understand your reluctance. At the same time, it might be worth fighting for in the long run... . (At the very least, looking into it.)
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