Just realised when the devaluing started - when it was my longest relationship

[Popcorn71]

I have just realised when my exBPDh started to devalue me.

My longest relationship up to when I met him was 7 years, with my first husband.

My ex often referred to this and used to say that he had 'beaten' all the others because he was with me longer than they were.  He said he must be better than them.

I didn't see it at the time, but as soon as he got to that point, he started treating me badly and lost interest gradually, until 2 years later he abruptly left for the replacement.

Has anyone else noticed this?  I don't know if it's relevant but I think it might be.  Maybe the challenge was gone when he had 'won'.

[arjay]

Has anyone else noticed this?  I don't know if it's relevant but I think it might be.  Maybe the challenge was gone when he had 'won'.

That is interesting because my dBPDxw was my second marriage also.  She had asked many questions including "what happened during the divorce".  I told her I left with my clothes and one-CD of music, but basically started over. 

When we divorced (she left), she took one CD of mine besides her stuff.  Go figure

Peace

[talithacumi]

Hadn't thought of this before but - yep - longest relationship I had up until I met my ex-upwBPD was 10 years - he used to tell me how proud/special he felt about having lasted longer than anyone else with me - then got caught cheating on/left me for my replacement two years later.

Sometimes the similarities/coincidences in our experiences is really disturbing ... .

[Red Sky]

Had experience in a longer-term relationship with pwuNPD, but he did cycles of idealization and devaluation, and I did notice a pattern when it came to commitment and his level of dedication.

Whenever I made a commitment to him, he devalued me. We recycled a lot, and each time we stayed together for longer. The last time, I booked a holiday with him 8 months in advance. Literally the moment that was arranged he stopped making any effort to be nice to me, to let me get any of what I wanted from the relationship. Needless to say we didn't make it to that holiday.

[Arminius]

In my case, it seems the pattern was from a different perspective. All of her long term relationships lasted just under 7 years... . I'd LOVE to know the significance, it can't be coincidence.

My uBPDxgf was VERY interested I'm what my previous favourite sexual experiences were, to the point where she wanted to role play them ( improve on them, no doubt) . I guess it was her way of erasing any past joys I had experienced and making those moments 'hers'.

This even extended to her wanting to dress like, speak like and generally 'be' the person . Weird, when I write it down, but at the time she was so in to it, and the 'reconstructions' so damned enjoyable that I just , well, enjoyed it.

[AwakenedOne]

Has anyone else noticed this?  I don't know if it's relevant but I think it might be.  Maybe the challenge was gone when he had 'won'.

Popcorn - Yeah it's basically they get bored with no challenge and they want something better also.

My ex wanted to marry me so bad it was unbelievable. She thought I'd back out of the wedding and change my mind and she kept wanting the wedding date closer and closer. Once we got married I guess after "winning" or "achieving her goal/challenge" she began her transformation.

That is interesting because my dBPDxw was my second marriage also.  She had asked many questions including "what happened during the divorce".  I told her I left with my clothes and one-CD of music, but basically started over.  

When we divorced (she left), she took one CD of mine besides her stuff.  Go figure

Peace

Arjay - Try this in your next relationship: Don't have any CD's. That way you and her can't break up because there will be no CD to take. Just have MP3 files.

[arjay]

Try this in your next relationship: Don't have any CD's. That way you and her can't break up because there will be no CD to take. Just have MP3 files.

Next time likely I will lose by iPhone... .