Getting better ... but dreams

[Depression = 72% of members]

Hey bpdfamily,

So yesterday was the best day that I've had in a long while. It had been my birthday the day before and I had had some nice dinner with some friends and had a nice relaxing evening to myself. Mt exBPDgf of course never wished my a happy birthday but we've been NC three months now and I honestly blocked her on everything but email so I didn't really expect one ... . But at the same time I really wanted it but didn't want it, more so didn't ... . But she didn't and it shows the massive extent of how much she cares for me.

Anyways ... . Good day yesterday. I had few ruminations and just overall a good day didn't even think of her. But I had one of the most vivid and realistic dreams of her I've ever had and I haven't dreamt of her in a very long time. It was her replacement who looked astonighsly like me ... . Somehow I was in her apartment and they were sleeping together. It was all so vivid and real ... . And she was talking to him in front of me about how much she loved this new guy. I for some damn reason was with them and her brother dates my sister so ya I always have to hear about her ... . But I mean What the heck? GOOD DAY AND suddenly I have a dream that crushes me ... . Its like the forces out there are trying to tell me something or make this just that much harder on me. Its infuriating I have no idea what she's doing but I know she's with something else if not multiple guys and I just blocked everything so I wouldn't have to deal with it and was having a good day and I did NOTHING DIDNT even think of her before bed and BAM... . most realistic dream I've had ever.

Ugh

[dillan6241]

Hey bpdfamily,

So yesterday was the best day that I've had in a long while. It had been my birthday the day before and I had had some nice dinner with some friends and had a nice relaxing evening to myself. Mt exBPDgf of course never wished my a happy birthday but we've been NC three months now and I honestly blocked her on everything but email so I didn't really expect one ... . But at the same time I really wanted it but didn't want it, more so didn't ... . But she didn't and it shows the massive extent of how much she cares for me.

Anyways ... . Good day yesterday. I had few ruminations and just overall a good day didn't even think of her. But I had one of the most vivid and realistic dreams of her I've ever had and I haven't dreamt of her in a very long time. It was her replacement who looked astonighsly like me ... . Somehow I was in her apartment and they were sleeping together. It was all so vivid and real ... . And she was talking to him in front of me about how much she loved this new guy. I for some damn reason was with them and her brother dates my sister so ya I always have to hear about her ... . But I mean What the heck? GOOD DAY AND suddenly I have a dream that crushes me ... . Its like the forces out there are trying to tell me something or make this just that much harder on me. Its infuriating I have no idea what she's doing but I know she's with something else if not multiple guys and I just blocked everything so I wouldn't have to deal with it and was having a good day and I did NOTHING DIDNT even think of her before bed and BAM... . most realistic dream I've had ever.

Ugh

[Lights843]

You WILL have flashbacks and dreams but they will eventually become fewer and fewer. When you experience trauma like that it's inevitable but it's a process.

[AwakenedOne]

Hi Dillan,

I agree with Lights843. It is unfortunate but also is natural what your experiencing. It will get better with time. My dreams like this have gone away for the most part, but still I have some flashbacks. I'm glad you had a good birthday. Happy belated birthday wishes to you also.

Peace,

AO

[antjs]

we've been NC three months now and I honestly blocked her on everything but email so I didn't really expect one ... . But at the same time I really wanted it but didn't want it, more so didn't ... . But she didn't and it shows the massive extent of how much she cares for me.

But I had one of the most vivid and realistic dreams of her I've ever had and I haven't dreamt of her in a very long time. But I mean What the heck? GOOD DAY AND suddenly I have a dream that crushes me ... . Its like the forces out there are trying to tell me something or make this just that much harder on me. Its infuriating I have no idea what she's doing but I know she's with something else if not multiple guys and I just blocked everything so I wouldn't have to deal with it and was having a good day and I did NOTHING DIDNT even think of her before bed and BAM... . most realistic dream I've had ever.

Ugh

i have quoted some sentences from what you have written as it is common with my situation. i am out for three months now with NC of more than 2 months. I am having better days now not thinking about her that much and even if it does not affect me. it is like i became desensitized against it. i was diagnosed with temporary PTSD because of the traumatic experience. Between the second and the third week, i dreamed of her for 6 nights in a row. you can not imagine how much the chest pain, anxiety and feeling of impeding death was like in the morning. I would wake up and go straight to listening to radiohead and get on this boards without even washing my face.


Last night (it's 11 am now here) i dreamed about her. but guess what ? it did not affect me at all in the morning. there was just one what the F*ck moment as in it is astonishing and thats it. no pain ! (i always spend some time here so do not try to relate)

what i want to say is that you are doing great actually more than great. I find it ok at first to maintain NC and then it is easy now. For some nons it is too hard. but it is the only way to go. I also have her blocked in all ways except for email but i have set my email to directly throw her messages into junk.

cheers and be kind to yourself what you are experiencing is totally normal

[Lion Fire]

I also had a dream about my ex last night!

I am 3 + weeks NC except for a very brief and dry email regarding a shared cellphone contract that has to be sorted out. This small interaction caused me anxiety but nothing major.

I have been feeling better the last week. the first 2 weeks of NC were a total nightmare. I thought I was going nuts!

I had a dream in the early hours this morning that we were together. It was intense and affectionate but I felt anxious in my dream. She was gushing and praising me and I could see the "kindness" in her eyes. I was reluctant and withdrawn and was trying to conceal that we were together from my friends and family who were across the road. I was uncomfortable.

This was a very lucid dream and very accurate as well. After the first few blowouts from her I became more and more cautious around her and felt uneasy when she idealized me. Understandably, I could not join the dots between her vile devaluations and the lovebombs. I would even ask her what was the truth about her feelings for me?... the insults or the compliments? She told me that both were the truth. That sums it all up for me. Split black and white.

I'm quietly getting on with my day . I know I will have some contact with her next week via email about the contract but I'm not petrified of her anymore.

[fortunes_fool]

It's been slightly over a year since my BPD ex and I split, and I just posted my intro on this site a couple of days ago, and that night, I had the most vivid dreams I've had in months... . of her, of course. I woke up simultaneously thinking, "How could I even dream that we'd be back together?" and, "It felt really good for those few minutes my brain thought we were together again." It's disturbing to me, but I've realized that joining this site and starting to delve back into the pain that I underwent during the relationship have opened wounds I tried for a long time to keep hidden. Financial instability has kept me from being able to see a therapist for the past 9 months, and I know it's been quite detrimental to me; I still feel the pain from the relationship (not the break-up, mind you, but the toxic relationship itself) like it happened yesterday.

One common theory is that dreams occur to help us sort through feelings we can't deal with while conscious. I think maybe mine were just trying to bring to light the fact that I really haven't dealt with much of this, but desperately need to.

[Jb101]

I remember reading something about dreams being part of us coping like that, but a barometer of how well we had detached when they were like that.

When we first broke up in a big way, I had an amazing dream about her, just being in a park and her walking up and everything being great again.

Funnily enough towards the end of the whole relationship I woke up next to her one night after a nightmare about her being with somebody else in the same bed and breaking up with me on the phone with the other guy talking in the background... . Didn't get back to sleep that night! I remember thinking trust really is gone if you could dream like that and it could seem so believable that she would be evil and treat me like that... .

[fortunes_fool]

I remember thinking trust really is gone if you could dream like that and it could seem so believable that she would be evil and treat me like that... .

I think that's a really interesting perspective; I know it sounds crazy, but since I was a kid, I've been having prophetic dreams. When I had recurrent dreams about leaving my BPD ex a few months before we broke up, I figured they were foreshadowing. However, I like the thought that my mind was telling me things were wrong before I could consciously accept it.