Progress in Detaching ... Maybe?

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

Hi all

I've ridden some "swells" of late... . an anniversary(m 3 yrs) and birthday (hers) have passed with profound sadness... . (.NC 5 months)... . however

Today ... . I seem to feel like I've maybe actually turned a page or two... . in a positive direction... .

As all know here... . each and every day is different so when you feel the positives... . you have to go with them!

I think I'm feeling for the first time that I'm not trying to "fill my time" so to speak... as to keep the ruminations at bay... .

I'm actually sitting with my thoughts... . and not trying to suppress them or chew on them incessantly !

I'm sort of in a " holding pattern" and waiting for my exBPDw to sign an agreement... . she's chosen to stall... . my guess... . to gain some control... . but as much as it makes me slightly edgy... . I think I'm actually accepting it for what it is... . I guess I've become stronger... . and it's showing in the way I feel... .

Is this one of those profound moments where healing is actually taking place... . where you begin to actually feel a little better about who you are... . and where you are going?

It doesn't feel like a "AHA" moment ... . but it feels darn good!

Maybe I'm beginning to forgive myself... .

Anyone here reach this kind of place... . feel it change... . feel different somehow... . ?

Does the moving ahead begin to get a little easier?

[Cimbaruns]

Hi all

I've ridden some "swells" of late... . an anniversary(m 3 yrs) and birthday (hers) have passed with profound sadness... . (.NC 5 months)... . however

Today ... . I seem to feel like I've maybe actually turned a page or two... . in a positive direction... .

As all know here... . each and every day is different so when you feel the positives... . you have to go with them!

I think I'm feeling for the first time that I'm not trying to "fill my time" so to speak... as to keep the ruminations at bay... .

I'm actually sitting with my thoughts... . and not trying to suppress them or chew on them incessantly !

I'm sort of in a " holding pattern" and waiting for my exBPDw to sign an agreement... . she's chosen to stall... . my guess... . to gain some control... . but as much as it makes me slightly edgy... . I think I'm actually accepting it for what it is... . I guess I've become stronger... . and it's showing in the way I feel... .

Is this one of those profound moments where healing is actually taking place... . where you begin to actually feel a little better about who you are... . and where you are going?

It doesn't feel like a "AHA" moment ... . but it feels darn good!

Maybe I'm beginning to forgive myself... .

Anyone here reach this kind of place... . feel it change... . feel different somehow... . ?

Does the moving ahead begin to get a little easier?

[arjay]

Is this one of those profound moments where healing is actually taking place... . where you begin to actually feel a little better about who you are... . and where you are going?

Greetings.  Yes that is the place when we begin to realize "life will move on and I will be ok".  That is a huge step, because it signals that we are turning the corner and beginning to reconnect with "ourselves", something we lost in our relationship (we were too busy being worried about them).

I began to notice I had energy again and my head started to wander with thoughts of anything besides the dysfunctional relationship.  I found that place to be the beginning of my reconnection with "self".

Peace

[AwakenedOne]

Today ... . I seem to feel like I've maybe actually turned a page or two... . in a positive direction... .

As all know here... . each and every day is different so when you feel the positives... . you have to go with them!

Anyone here reach this kind of place... . feel it change... . feel different somehow... . ?

Cimbaruns,

Yeah, I relate to what your saying. I feel I had an attitude change last night and now believe everything is going to be ok. I changed my profile pic to the sunrise instead of my old one, it just seems more fitting. I hear you, I am glad your doing ok. It's ups and downs in life but I hope we can keep this good vibe and positivity going for a while. Thanks for posting.

Peace,

AO

[myself]

I remember one afternoon, not that long ago, walking down the sidewalk whistling. Head up, noticing life going on around me, feeling part of it. Someone walking by in the other direction nodded his head as if saying, "Yes, it is a good day today, isn't it?" It sounds corny but I felt I'd turned a corner.

[Tausk]

I'm very glad that many of us are enduring less suffering.  It's important to me to not get caught up in the negatives and blame projection.  And not to be a sourpuss, but remember this good feeling too shall pass.  We'll all feel like crap again one day    

But I try and remember that when I feel like crap... . there were moments that felt good.  And that everything changes and I'll feel OK again if I continue to do the right thing.  It's a cycle and a progression.  It's life on life's terms.  But it's the trend that counts.

And sorry, but I can't really say that it gets easier.   But it does get better.  Peeling the layers and getting deeper into my core, is harder, but I can handle more since I'm  stronger.   For many of us, success is not defined by ease of responsibility, but rather the ability to carry a greater load.

And it's important for me to remember that being a somewhat self-aware human, that I have the capacity to change in a direction that I like.  With my ex, there were no changes at all.  It just got worse.  Never any change.  Just got worse.  Never change.  Worse and worse and worse.  And there was nothing I could do about it.  

But that is not true today.  

And yes, those mornings when I'm already at work and realize I haven't thought about my ex, or in those moments I'm with family and friends and feel connection and meaning in my purpose, I realize that I am so much more than when I was with my ex.  And not only do I have the capacity to change, but am definitely moving forward.  

It's justified evidence that I can be restored to sanity and grace in my life.

[seeking balance]

sounds like the beginnings of freedom 

enjoy these moments when they happen, great thing to add to the gratitude list 

Peace,

SB

[Phoenix.Rising]

Detaching is definitely a sign of progress.  I don't think of my ex too often now.  She still crosses my mind, but much of the intensity has passed.  I think a bit of the intensity will remain due to the unique dynamics of a BPD relationship. 

My healing started taking off when I began to realize that she did not hold the key to my happiness.  In fact, no person has that much power in my life.  I do my best today to look within and receive my power from a higher source.  To put it simply, I made her my god for a time.  I think a lot of us choose these relationships for reasons that we can trace back to our family of origin.  Healing those wounds can take time and a good bit of effort.  Keep on keeping on! 

[Cimbaruns]

Thank you all for your replies 

I think as I sit here tonight... . my weekend has seemed to have gone pretty well... .

I've had to deal with some issues with my ailing elderly father... . but he is doing better and on the road to recovery... .

Overall... . I was able to continue in the vein of finding some inner peace in the last few days... .

I spent the day at a place my ex and I used to frequent... . a beautiful beach we used to treasure going to to relax and take long walks... .

Although this is only the second time I've been since the end of our r/s ... . it brought me some solace  in a way !

I feel some healing taking place... .   All good... .

I wish the same for you all... .

I hope you find some inner peace as well

Onward friends

[Red Sky]

Yay for your healing! I think it is awesome that you can appreciate things which were nice when you were together now that you are apart... . Like being able to take the good things you learned during that time forward in life. So important (and probably also a sign of how well you're doing)

Best wishes to you and your dad!

Red

[Cimbaruns]

Thanks Redsky

Yay for you as well... .

Sending you healing thoughts as well