I'm almost 5 months NC. I changed my email and phone number, blocked him in FB. I woke up in the middle of the night to pee, and there were two notifications on my phone. He had tried to contact me to video chat and thru LinkedIn. I immediately blocked him in both places. But now my stomach hurts and I'm wondering if he's okay. Nevertheless, another big part of me thinks he's probably just had a few too many drinks and is impulsively contacting me at 2am.
I'm staying strong.
Really sorry you had to wake up and deal with this kind of surprise/confusion. Just needed to pee. Sleepy/dreamy. Weren't expecting, and therefore, weren't really intellectually/emotionally prepared for the onslaught of all those conflicting feelings and questions his attempt to contact you raised. It's one of my own worst fears, actually - and I've had to make a point of turning everything off/putting every possible source of contact next to my computer - to be turned on/checked ONLY after I have a cup of coffee and prepare myself for what I might find there.
Aside from my deepest sympathy/compassion for finding yourself so triggered again, just thought I'd point out a couple of things for you to take into consideration.
First, you blocked him from all regular forms of contact. A pretty clear sign/boundary that you don't want to hear from him. A sign he clearly ignored, and a boundary he intentionally violated by going out of his way to find a way
to contact you despite all the steps you took to make sure he couldn't/wouldn't.
Second, he tried to make contact at 2 in the morning when he at least had to consider the possibility, if not probability that you'd be in bed/asleep.
What that says to me is that you have a guy here who clearly: 1) has no respect for your beliefs, feelings, thoughts, needs, desires, time, sleep, values, or personal boundaries; and, 2) appears to have absolutely no compunction whatsoever about doing whatever it takes to circumvent all of the efforts you've made to distance/protect yourself from the negative effect contact with him has on you.
In short, what you seem to have here is a guy who doesn't value or care about you very much at all despite whatever he might have said to make you believe/feel/think otherwise.
Feelings aren't facts. Not for him, but not for you either. Contact like this has a tendency to make us feel loved, cared about, wanted, needed, or otherwise of value - especially if we've been discarded and given the silent treatment or gone NC without any kind of immediate objection/resistance on the part of our exes.
But the very
act of making contact under these circumstances says something much different about the way he really sees/feels about you.
I'm not saying he doesn't love, care about, want, need or otherwise value you. I'm sure he does because - dang! - well, you're
imminently loveable so how could he not? I'm just saying you can't ignore/dismiss/deny what his actions say about some of the other, maybe not so nice things he feels for you as well.
If you can, shift your ruminations away from why he called - and what it might mean - to focus on
yourself again by asking different, more personally relevant, and potentially growth inspiring questions. Why you're so triggered. What you're really feeling under all that panic and confusion. Why you're feeling those things. How much a part of your relationship with him involved this kind of fundamental boundary busting, why you allowed/enabled/encouraged/rewarded him for doing it, what you got out of it, and the extent to which it characterized the way you interacted with each other. How many other relationships you've had/have that involve this kind of boundary busting. What this might say about the way you see, feel about, and project yourself to others.
So many questions that your heart is begging you to ask, and start to try to answer so it can heal. Time to be concerned about, respond to, and listen to you for a change. Because - dang! girl, you're imminently loveable - how could you not?
Biggest of hugs,
TC
