Wow, it's been a while since I've posted here! Coming up on 1 year NC and 2 years being broken up.
Time flies. Time really flies when you're happy too! We haven't really spoken since this time last year. We finally broke up in August of 2012 after a number of breakups... . with the occasional emails, texts, and a couple of hang outs until December 2012 when I didn't see her until June of last year. By January 2013, she did what BPD people do very well - and find someone new. They broke up in May, which is what led to her contacting me in June. We have a few mutual friends, so every now and again, they'll bring her up. She started dating a new guy in early August, and then I heard she got engaged around Thanksgiving... . with their marriage this weekend (which is probably why I'm on this board posting
). So yes, 10 months and they're married. I mean, I wish them the best and all... . but sadly, I know exactly how it will turn out. In a year, it won't be what she thought it'd be, so they bring a kid into it. The kid just made things worse, and by the time the child is 2 or 3, they'll be divorced... . starting the cycle all over again for the child. It's not my place though... .
Ever since I really allowed myself to get over her, my life, attitude, outlook, etc... . has been wonderful. I used to think that I'd never get over her (and for some crazy reason, I didn't WANT to). I was in constant war with myself, where many of us feel conflicted - the heart is saying it can work and the head is saying let it go. I blame movies for that... . in real life - logic wins every time. The heart says the brain can't feel love and compassion... . but the mind knows exactly what the heart can handle... . which is why it always wins.
January of 2013 was the first month ever where we didn't talk at all. That month seemed to last forever. It was also the month where I decided to let her go for good. I knew I had to stay busy to keep my mind occupied. One item on my bucket list was to record an album, so I decided to work on that. For 4 months, I learned everything I could about recording... . and wrote 2 more songs in the process. It took a LOT of time. I wrote, produced, performed, and mixed/mastered the album all by myself. I still can't believe how well it turned out. In May of 2013, I released the 5 song EP.
About that time too, I started coaching a powderpuff flag football team that raises money for a charity. I've met so many new friends through it, I can't begin to say how well it's positively impacted me. I've always been a runner, and one of the girls on the team convinced me to train with her and a local group here. I signed up for it, and I started seeing one of the girls that paces our group. Our relationship is very unique. We love being around each other, but can't really let anyone know about it because A) she still works for her exbf and B) she has a 17 year old kid... . (I'm 30 and she's 36). But it's the first girl I've really liked that I would be ok with having a kid. Plus the fact that he's 17, he's already an adult.
Throughout all of this though - I've learned (or reaffirmed - some of these are cliche) a few important things:
1. No matter how tough a situation is, time is the best doctor you can have.
2. Try not to think about the person too much. This was a huge problem of mine, and what worked best for me was actually making a conscious effort to change thoughts when I would think of her. Eventually, my mind became rewired to just not think of her. This really sped up my healing.
3. Focus on yourself. Yes, another cliche. But when you do things for YOU, you slowly get yourself back. You become happier, and people see that... . and people are attracted to that.
4. Helping others really helps you too. From helping a friend move, to volunteering at a soup kitchen... . helping others gives you a sense of purpose. (it's also a good way to meet caring people too)
5. Get a dog from a shelter if you can. Again, it gives you a sense of purpose. You also get a bff for LIFE. I have two, and no matter how bad my day is... . they make me forget all about it.
6. Be adventurous, especially if you're not naturally. Try new things... and always go with the decision that makes for a better story
7. I think that being a part of a group gives a sense of belonging to humans, which is essential after a break up. Humans are "pack" type creatures, which is why humans get along with dogs so well. We have an intrinsic need to belong... . and after a break up... . we don't feel like we're part of anything anymore. And sadly, most of the time - old friends and family don't give us a strong enough type of feeling that we belong. Most of the time, it needs to come from something new - like a sports team, or an interest club. Whoever you are and wherever you are, there's something that you're passionate about - and someone that's passionate about the same thing.
If you're trying to get over an ex, be it BPD or not - if you had feelings for the person, it's gonna take a lot of work - no sugarcoating about it. For 6 months, I felt like I'd never feel better, but I kept putting in the time and effort. Those investments are paying dividends right now. Just hang in there!
