His reaction to me?

[Happy73]

Has anyone else had there SO tell them that everything would be fine if they would just stop doing "XYZ"?  Mine keeps telling me that he wouldn't do the stuff he does if I didn't do the things I do.       his exact words are... . This is the same as all the other times, you hurt me, and I react... . And you judge me for my reaction... . "  So how do you address this with your uBPD?  Anytime he gets dis regulated it's always my fault and I try REALLY hard to make it ok, but no matter what I try ( holding my tongue, just agreeing with everything, or fighting back), nothing is working.  And he always tells me that I am never sorry enough... .

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[StayOrLeave15]

I have been in this exact situation.  The conditions were if I remove certain females of my uBPDgf's choosing from my social media.  I agreed to certain ones (e.g,. a girl I had a one night stand with, etc) but others were completely unreasonable.  This is chronicled in "She pushed me over the edge... . and I reacted"

I don't yet have the tools to react the right way yet.  I try to reason out with her why these girls don't matter instead of validating.  I am trying to learn more effective responses now to keep my sanity.  But I feel that even if I deleted every female in my life she would find something else to focus on.

[StayOrLeave15]

She also tells me I'm "too sensitive" because quite often I can't help but become very sad from her hurtful outbursts, and "that is a big part of our problems".  But she doesn't see how much pain she inflicts in these outbursts. She literally becomes a different person.

I'm not saying there's no hope.  But I'm pretty new to this  and don't have the coping tools yet, nor do I know if I am going to stay in this relationship.

[mace17]

Yes! I've been told if I wasn't so irrational, if I initiated sex more often, if I just did things the "right" way (his way), etc. then he wouldn't have to react the way he does. Our marriage would be blissfully perfect if I just realized that his way was the only way and saw the light. Unfortunately, I'm occasionally stubborn and have my own opinions, so things will never be perfect. You are definitely not alone, I hear ya.