Just venting... jeeze I'm angry today

[Depression = 72% of members]

So it's been 6 months or so NC (NC was her decision as she has split me completely Black and I was told 'To stay out of her life for good', I've respected her wishes and I have remained NC.

The final exchange of messages were vile and she said some awful things to me via text message, mostly devaluation and a full character assassination to say the very least.

As expected she took no responsibility for her initial poor behaviour and instead the situation escalated because she said I shouldve held my tongue because she was having a tough time (I tried that but after her relentless rude remarks and put downs, I responded in kind).

She seems to have no grasp on what actually happened the night we fell out, all blame has been put at my door, I was expected to manage my behavious AS WELL as her own, to make endless allowances for her regardless of what she said or done.

Because I didn't react in the way she wanted, I triggered her - I think that because she has such a tough time controlling her own behaviour, she puts he onous on others to compensate by biting their tongue and just 'accepting' whatever she wants to say or do at the time.

There was a mutual friend who witnessed the fall out from her gas lighting, but I assume she has seen me painted black and wants to avoid the same fate for herself at all costs; she initially agreed with me that pwBPD was out of line and I was correct to stand up for myself... . I haven't seen this 'Friend' since it happened.

I'm soo frustrated and angry that she saw with her own eyes and heard with her own ears what happened but she has chosen to barely acknowledge my existance for months!

I can see on FB that she has ingratiated herself with the new social circle pwBPD has created and it's as though I never even existed.

All three of us grew up together and have been through, school, jobs, babies, illness, deaths, financial worries, break-up, EVERYTHING together.

I don't have any other friends because this dynamic was so intense for 20yrs and I've spent the last 6 months ridiculous depressed; I'm on SSRI's , anti-anxiety drugs and mood stabelisers as well as starting therapy.

Some part of me wants to reach out to the 'friend' who witnessed it all and tell her what this has done to me and how furious I am that she has just ceased to acknowledge my existance - I honestly sometimes feel like my pst life was like a dream and this one is a different one, like I died or something and I'm the only one who hasn't realised yet, like those ghosts that don't know they're dead and they keep trying to 'belong'.

I'm getting so angry and sad all at the same time.

I was good to both of these people, I treated them with love and respect and would do anything to see them happy and content, and here I am trying to forget the vile words and learning how to 'belong' again whilst they live like I'm dead.

ARRRRRRGGGGGGHHHH! Rant over

[GlitterBug]

So it's been 6 months or so NC (NC was her decision as she has split me completely Black and I was told 'To stay out of her life for good', I've respected her wishes and I have remained NC.

The final exchange of messages were vile and she said some awful things to me via text message, mostly devaluation and a full character assassination to say the very least.

As expected she took no responsibility for her initial poor behaviour and instead the situation escalated because she said I shouldve held my tongue because she was having a tough time (I tried that but after her relentless rude remarks and put downs, I responded in kind).

She seems to have no grasp on what actually happened the night we fell out, all blame has been put at my door, I was expected to manage my behavious AS WELL as her own, to make endless allowances for her regardless of what she said or done.

Because I didn't react in the way she wanted, I triggered her - I think that because she has such a tough time controlling her own behaviour, she puts he onous on others to compensate by biting their tongue and just 'accepting' whatever she wants to say or do at the time.

There was a mutual friend who witnessed the fall out from her gas lighting, but I assume she has seen me painted black and wants to avoid the same fate for herself at all costs; she initially agreed with me that pwBPD was out of line and I was correct to stand up for myself... . I haven't seen this 'Friend' since it happened.

I'm soo frustrated and angry that she saw with her own eyes and heard with her own ears what happened but she has chosen to barely acknowledge my existance for months!

I can see on FB that she has ingratiated herself with the new social circle pwBPD has created and it's as though I never even existed.

All three of us grew up together and have been through, school, jobs, babies, illness, deaths, financial worries, break-up, EVERYTHING together.

I don't have any other friends because this dynamic was so intense for 20yrs and I've spent the last 6 months ridiculous depressed; I'm on SSRI's , anti-anxiety drugs and mood stabelisers as well as starting therapy.

Some part of me wants to reach out to the 'friend' who witnessed it all and tell her what this has done to me and how furious I am that she has just ceased to acknowledge my existance - I honestly sometimes feel like my pst life was like a dream and this one is a different one, like I died or something and I'm the only one who hasn't realised yet, like those ghosts that don't know they're dead and they keep trying to 'belong'.

I'm getting so angry and sad all at the same time.

I was good to both of these people, I treated them with love and respect and would do anything to see them happy and content, and here I am trying to forget the vile words and learning how to 'belong' again whilst they live like I'm dead.

ARRRRRRGGGGGGHHHH! Rant over

[arjay]

Greetings.  Nothing wrong with ranting, if fact it is far better than just being depressed.  I remember my "T" calling it "righteous anger", because it is a reaction to something just wrong; wrong to everybody.

It especially hurts when we are not validated in spite of what even other's have witnessed.  Many of us struggled with validation as well, because it just wasn't going to come from anybody else, for whatever reason.

In the end I had lost my relationship with family (the 'ex' drove a wedge), and was alone when she left.  It was really tough and I did have to self-validate.  It was the holidays and I was alone, yet through that aloneness I became stronger and regained my life in a way that left me better than I was.

As much as we all sometimes think otherwise, few things in life last our entire lifetime and that includes friendships.  Sometimes they just run their course; sometimes it is healthier when they end; sometimes it is out of our control and we learn to accept and move on.  :)uring that acceptance stage we can go through a range of emotions, just as you are experiencing now.

We get to re-invent our lives and many times the universe (in my opinion) forces change on us when we cannot see it is needed.  I had it forced on me (just as you did) and it seemed unfair, cruel, you name it.  Looking back however, it was all a blessing.  An unhealthy relationship was jettisoned, even though I was willing to accept far less than I deserved.

It is hard letting go after long-term relationships.  We pick up and move on, and often to something far-far better.  Be kind to you during this change.

Peace