no i am not gonna do it

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

Stop looking at her. She's gone. Keep looking at yourself. You're here.

Isn't he just trying to have a deeper understanding of this person who he spent time with and once loved? She is gone but she left him emotional trauma as a parting gift. I think most of us would like to know who it was that we loved in reality. After all the lies and weird behavior it is helpful to find closure in some type of understanding of what it was all about. Understanding who it really was that we dated is helpful in finding some peace and closure. A lot of us weren't given any closure and just dumped like trash. It is also helpful in order to not make the same mistakes in the future by having this understanding. Another thing you can tell he needs to do is to vent his frustrations here. It needs to come out and can be a good thing. That's what the place is for right? I feel similar. Yes it is very important to focus on ourselves though at the same time. I fully I agree with that.

Yes what you have said is true. I found closure. The closure is that she is disordered and can not maintain emotions of love. This is my closure. I dont want to talk about her. But unfortunately she is related. Every time i focus on myself i find that i did not do something major that was wrong. Maybe i was too patient, loving and kind. Is that a baf thing ? Yes it is when it is excessive without balance

[antjs]

Stop looking at her. She's gone. Keep looking at yourself. You're here.

Isn't he just trying to have a deeper understanding of this person who he spent time with and once loved? She is gone but she left him emotional trauma as a parting gift. I think most of us would like to know who it was that we loved in reality. After all the lies and weird behavior it is helpful to find closure in some type of understanding of what it was all about. Understanding who it really was that we dated is helpful in finding some peace and closure. A lot of us weren't given any closure and just dumped like trash. It is also helpful in order to not make the same mistakes in the future by having this understanding. Another thing you can tell he needs to do is to vent his frustrations here. It needs to come out and can be a good thing. That's what the place is for right? I feel similar. Yes it is very important to focus on ourselves though at the same time. I fully I agree with that.

Yes what you have said is true. I found closure. The closure is that she is disordered and can not maintain emotions of love. This is my closure. I dont want to talk about her. But unfortunately she is related. Every time i focus on myself i find that i did not do something major that was wrong. Maybe i was too patient, loving and kind. Is that a baf thing ? Yes it is when it is excessive without balance

[mywifecrazy]

Hey AJ, remember me?

You've come a long way since we spoke a few weeks ago. Back then you were wanting to be back with her even though you knew she was TOXIC. Now your just expressing your anger (it's normal to do that) which is the next step,in your healing process. The anger is there inside of you and you need to LET IT OUT. Just remember to do it in a healthy way. Keep moving forward. You're on the Road to Recovery!

Keep it up, do the work, embrace your feelings (don't repress them), give yourself time to get through the healing process (don't rush it or you'll be back to square one). Take a break at times and do something nice for YOU, get into a new hobby or join a social club of some sort.

And remember and learn from my story that I shared with you... . There but for the grace of God go I ... . Or You!

Peace to You brother!

[Blimblam]

yeah, what I find trips me out is if I look back on what she said. vs what I wanted to believe. vs what she did... .

boggled my mind.  Remembering all the little moments where she gave that smirk... . you know the smirk... . it's like a whole different story when I do that. Try it man.

also remember all the times when she would say stuff  like , "its all in your head."  all the times she gave clues to the truth because she felt pity on you but you were so caught up in the delusion it just further confused you.

[BorisAcusio]

Its actually better for her to have BPD (excuse) cause if she is not BPD and did those 35 then she is just a mean manipulative b*tch.

This is how I look at things also regarding my uBPDstbxw. It all comes down to she is one of these:

1. She is mentally sick and incapable of any change or control.

2. She is mentally sick and is also a horrible person too.

3. She is not mentally sick and is just a horrible person.

The first two can be true at the same time. She is a horrible person because she is mentally sick. Clear cause-effect.

[AwakenedOne]

Its actually better for her to have BPD (excuse) cause if she is not BPD and did those 35 then she is just a mean manipulative b*tch.

This is how I look at things also regarding my uBPDstbxw. It all comes down to she is one of these:

1. She is mentally sick and incapable of any change or control.

2. She is mentally sick and is also a horrible person too.

3. She is not mentally sick and is just a horrible person.

The first two can be true at the same time. She is a horrible person because she is mentally sick. Clear cause-effect.

I believe there are good and bad people in the world.

I believe someone with BPD can still be either good at heart or bad at heart. I don't believe everybody with BPD is just a troubled good person who happens to have a disorder. So #1 would illustrate someone with BPD who is still a good person at heart. #2 would illustrate someone with BPD and is bad/evil. #3 would illustrate someone without a disorder who is just bad or evil.

My ex seems to fall under the #2 or #3.

[BorisAcusio]

Its actually better for her to have BPD (excuse) cause if she is not BPD and did those 35 then she is just a mean manipulative b*tch.

This is how I look at things also regarding my uBPDstbxw. It all comes down to she is one of these:

1. She is mentally sick and incapable of any change or control.

2. She is mentally sick and is also a horrible person too.

3. She is not mentally sick and is just a horrible person.

The first two can be true at the same time. She is a horrible person because she is mentally sick. Clear cause-effect.

I believe there are good and bad people in the world.

I believe someone with BPD can still be either good at heart or bad at heart. I don't believe everybody with BPD is just a troubled good person who happens to have a disorder. So #1 would illustrate someone with BPD who is still a good person at heart. #2 would illustrate someone with BPD and is bad/evil. #3 would illustrate someone without a disorder who is just bad or evil. That's my belief.

My ex seems to fall under the #2 or #3.

Well, the problem is, you clearly ascribe religious meaning to the term, even if it comes subconciously. Bad is not equal to evil. There is a broad consensus about what makes a person "good", which is synonymous with emotionally "healthy enough": capacity to geniune care for others, feeling of guilt, empathy, sound moral value system, honesty and self-responsibility. Good peoples are capable to do bad things, but could someone considered to be a "good person" while lacking those qualities in the first place?

[antjs]

it does not matter if they are labelled or not now. most BPD characteristics are inner (they only can feel it) what we see is just part of the chaos. BPD people shift to psychosis that includes hallucinations, delusions, hearing voices and catatonia. it does not matter which one of the three is your ex.

you had an outcome. other people had another outcomes. i had these 35 outcomes with many more. Thats the real ___. thats what i have witnessed, heard, saw and felt. i can not get into her mind and body and know whats going on. i can not help her nobody can. i can help myself.

My intention when i started writing this list was to stop myself from calling her. it triggered me later to remember all of those things and i started ruminating. ptsd kicked back in. god when this all mess is gonna end ? I am on xanax right now. I have never been to a therapist before her in my whole life. I have never doubted my sanity before her. all my friends who have seen her crazy making think that she is one of the most manipulative people they have ever seen. this reflects how much trauma i have been subjected to. i forgive myself for letting her in my life. I will never let any partner that intimate to me again. i see the world differently now. just reading about PD and their % in the population shouts out how much sick people are around us. i think part of her toxicity that was transmitted to me will remain forever. I slipped yesterday and looked at her fb from a friend's profile. she is staying in a rented apartment in my neighborhood. I am sorry to myself that i did so. now i am back to rumination. now my head cant stop thinking about her renting an apartment just for the replacement and the next affair cause she cant be free at her married sister's house. now i discover a new level of cruelty every time i say thats it she cant be more cruel. i wish i didnt meet her. that one click "add a a friend" button on facebook ___ed up my psyche. when this is going to end ? I have never felt i need God's grace that much before in my life. I wish her to be dead, that would be better for her and for all the people who really loved her.

[Narellan]

Quote" it does not matter if they are labelled or not now. most BPD characteristics are inner (they only can feel it) what we see is just part of the chaos. BPD people shift to psychosis that includes hallucinations, delusions, hearing voices and catatonia. it does not matter which one of the three is your ex."

This is not an accurate description of BPD. It's more characteristic of schizophrenia.

[antjs]

Quote" it does not matter if they are labelled or not now. most BPD characteristics are inner (they only can feel it) what we see is just part of the chaos. BPD people shift to psychosis that includes hallucinations, delusions, hearing voices and catatonia. it does not matter which one of the three is your ex."

This is not an accurate description of BPD. It's more characteristic of schizophrenia.

if they border between psychosis and neurosis then that happens to them

[AwakenedOne]

Hi Boris,

Yes it is my personal religious belief. I am only stating my opinion in deeper explanation of this because your are asking. True I would not classify bad as = to evil. Subtract {bad} out of my previous response and substitute the word {evil} instead. Do people with BPD act out in bad behavior due to the disorder? Absolutely.



I'm talking about the extra something (evil) that doesn't fit in any scientific catagories such as my wife attacking me in my sleep and her threatning to kill me. That is just one example of the little extra something that gets filed into the evil category in my opinion. Plus my wife did some evil stuff in her/our life (I don't want to go into it in a public forum). Out of respect for others I will not comment further on my beliefs. I respect your opinions also btw.

Peace,

AO  

[Narellan]

People with BPD do not hear voices, have catatonia or hallucinate.

Did you see any of this with your exBPD? Maybe she wasn't BPD ?

AJ... . I want to see you write a list of 35 good qualities about yourself. That's what you were going to focus on, not get deeper into her issues. Peace 

[antjs]

People with BPD do not hear voices, have catatonia or hallucinate.

Did you see any of this with your exBPD? Maybe she wasn't BPD ?

AJ... . I want to see you write a list of 35 good qualities about yourself. That's what you were going to focus on, not get deeper into her issues. Peace 

she did not tell me anything about her feelings. she just disconnects of me for some time acting weird for hours then the rage happens and then she is back to normal and acting like nothing did happen in a minute. as i said my therapist told me she is BPD without me mentioning anything about BPD i just told him my story. as i said i do not care about the label. i had witnessed this behavior towards me and the outcome. i do not care about categorizing her anymore. bad behavior is bad behavior. i do not deserve to accept this. her romantic history speaks out loud. she could not comprehend or explain to me why did she escaped her partents. she said they were over protective. even if they are, that does not mean that they deserve that one day they would wake up to find her gone without any warnings.

[antjs]

the list about me is coming soon