If a BPD works in heathcare... doesnt that show they feel empathy?

[bobcat2014]

My uBPDw works in healthcare and takes care of disabled and some elderly patients at a rehab facility. She very good at her job and a favorite among the patients, I know this from the compliments she gets from people we run into. According to many she is an excellent caregiver.

This fact is starting to question if is she is totally BPD. I mean she shows all the symptoms except self harm, but doesn't this show compassion and empathy?

Thanks for any input on this question.

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[Lights843]

Good question. My exBPD wife was in school to become a CRNA when she went from seemingly normal to low functioning BPD. Also, she displayed amazing empathy towards me and others. However, due to stress (I believe) from the long hours of school and clinicals I do believe that's when she started abusing drugs and alcohol. Were these triggers? She dropped out and I guess figured she couldn't pass her drug tests but she still abuses drugs and alcohol.

I, too, wonder if she actually felt empathy and still does feel it with complete strangers. I am fairly certain, from a tip one of her clinical/classmates gave me, that she may have stolen some pain killers from her patients rather than administering them. She also joked about this herself at one point. I can't prove it so I am unable to turn her in to authorities.

[bobcat2014]

Bump.

I have read that BPDs cannot show empathy... . what are some actual thoughts on this?

[goldylamont]

I think its important to point out the transitory effects of the illness when discussing empathy. BPD do have empathy, but they also have a transitory and distorted view of reality. So their emotions aren't always based on real facts--their empathy is impaired.

For example, I feel my ex showed true empathy both to me and to others. She volunteers and I've seen her help others which I feel comes from a true place of empathy. Yet once she feels like someone is out to get her, this is where her narcissistic side pops up and all empathy for the target goes out the window.

So I think you would be arguing in circles all day trying to figure out if pwBPD have empathy or don't. They do have the ability to feel and connect with others emotions, but this ability is impaired by their own insecurities. Their empathy for you comes and goes depending on their mood, which isn't attached to a normal reality.

[corraline]

from goldy :For example, I feel my ex showed true empathy both to me and to others. She volunteers and I've seen her help others which I feel comes from a true place of empathy. Yet once she feels like someone is out to get her, this is where her narcissistic side pops up and all empathy for the target goes out the window.



This is very much how my ex was.  He was always generously volunteering for different causes and seemed to show genuine empathy but was hypervigilant to any perceived slights and would abandon his relationship with them.  Only to go back again and again because he had a difficult time feeling left out or not included when he was the one who sometimes painted them black and left.

[bobcat2014]

Thanks for the reply.

Goldy... . you explained exactly how my wife interacts. It is tough to remember they dont see true reality.

I totally agree how it goes out the window on certain target people.

[Ceruleanblue]

Goldy: This is so true. Their empathy does fly out the window with target people. I seem to be my uBPDh's target person. He can cry at the happy ending of Toy Story, but he can't sympathize one iota over my hurt, and dislike over how his grown kids have treated me. I can validate, and empathize how he feels "caught in the middle", and that even though his kids have been rotten to ME, he'll always love them. I EMPATHIZE, but he cannot. He just says I'm "wrong" to feel hurt by the hateful things they've done. No matter how I explain it, or how bad I feel, empathy is not something he can feel for me.

I'm trying to work out if I can actually stay with someone who is never able to empathize with ME, yet seems to empathize with others.