Long term damage to the kiddos ?

[Fanie]

Found this thread of 2005

Would like to "re-open" it - as I am bitterly worried bout our S5 and D3's future

I would be so honoured if you could say a few words because kids of momsters just chill me everytime I read them.

My 10 year old is starting to rationally take on her mom now and the results are scary. She is starting puberty and her emotions are as one would expect. I can see where this is headed and am very nervous of where this escalation will go.

My wife has also made light comments about the hint of sexual overtones towards my daughter.I was lying in bed with my child because I wanted this verbal rage towards us to stop and she said ''make sure you don't touch her''



and:

When I was ooh somewhere between 12 and 14, I was sitting on my Dad's lap. I had had a bad day at school and just needed a hug. It would never have occurred to me to go to momster for a hug, because I was repulsed by any physical contact with her. Anyway, as I sat on my Dad's lap, feeling crummy, my mother sat across from us and glared at me.  A horrible sickening glare. Then she demanded that I go to my room, where I stayed, through dinner, through the rest of the evening, until school time the next day. I could hear her yelling at my dad. I couldn't hear her words but I gathered what they were about.

I never sat on my father's lap again. In fact there was very little physical contact from my father from that point on. Since I recoiled at my mother's touch, that meant very little physical contact for me, at all.

Now I am in my 40s and there is still that invisible line drawn between me and my dad.

and

p.s. expect the BPD behavoirs toward your daughters to escalate as they reach puberty. BPD mothers have a hard time with the competition of another 'woman' in the house.

[JohnLove]

Hi Fanie. I have a SO with BPD. We now live only a few houses away. I wanted to start a new thread but feel so drained atm.

I have two children (that live with me). S8 and D11 from my ex. D11 and S8 live with me weekabout now. I had primary care for the last 2 years. I have an older child (all same Mum) that has been aligned with Mum since we separated 7 years ago. We have tried and are trying to reengage now.

My SO has 3 children (that live with her). S8, D6, and D4 from her ex. She has had 2 other children who have left the house D18 and S15 in recent times.

This thread (with repostings) touches on serious issues I have facing the children. I am concerned for her children and their relationships with her although I am concerned at any impact this disorder may have on my children and my relationship with mine.

I have made excuses and all sorts of compensatory measures for my SO in regard to my children. These things worry me. They got right out of hand early this year and I was finished with my SO. Our children have bonded and have a lot of fun together.

It is the last line in your post and my own observations and awareness in relation to this that compelled me to write. It seems that any attention, care or affection I give my daughter or son (even when they are unwell) "takes away" the same from her.

I would really like a deeper understanding of this because it has become a really big issue that I need to manage right now due arrangements for my upcoming birthday.

[Fanie]

I agree with you JL

This is why I posted the thread - I am worried sick about my kids b5 and d3 and

possible long-term (in my case, subtle damage done by their mother)

I read a thread of 2005, where the member posted, and I quote more or less:

"we are absorbed about our own problems with he BPD on the boards

  but what about the children... . "

But the twinkies still have a whole life before them

and as parents we don't want them to have hardship due to what went wrong

when they were under our God-given care !