Should I trust my BPDw or not?

[Samuel S.]

My BPDw seems and I emphasize seems to be feeling better about herself. She likes being out in nature due to it being rather soothing for her. Of course, we can all feel that way, although it seems to be even more so for her lately. She told me before taking her walk by herself tonight that taking her walks being out in nature helps her rid of the negative vibes of people.

While we can all appreciate that, the negative vibes that she exhibits is quite the contrary to what she is saying. In other words, it is very hard for me to trust her. I understand the idea of accepting the moment and validating how she is. That is given. Yet, when she reverts to her old ways and when she has never apologized for her verbal abuse in the past, it is really hard for me to want to trust her.

You might say that this is my problem; however, it is really our problem. It is like she has supposedly wiped out the past, but she still is negative at times.

So, what do you folks think? Should I trust my BPDw or not? 

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[MissyM]

That is an interesting question.  I do not fully trust my dBPDh but I do trust myself to be able to handle what happens.  I trust in my faith that I will be carried through.  So not sure how much trust to put in a BPD.

[JackBlacknBlue]

I have learned that I need to trust my pwBPD in a v different way.  I trust that the feelings that she is having at that moment really are what she is experiencing, but the facts and data coming from her may not be match reality.  So I trust her feelings in that v moment but I don't expect she will remember feeling that way later and I don't trust that what she is telling me about facts or information reflects what I would consider as reality/truth.  My friend is telling me things driven entirely by her feelings.

[bobcat2014]

Sam,

Great question. Here is my advice to you, although I am new to BPD I have be married 20 years to uBPD wife.

I trust that she will always be a flight risk to leave, maybe not today, this month or year, but I know she will eventually cycle and split me black. This is something I have conceded to if I am to survive in my marriage. With that said, I remain prepared in such a way that I will be able to handle it when that time comes. I do this by staying fit, active and taking care of myself. What works for me is enjoying the ideqlization times and the distractions that keep me off her radar screen.

My advice to you is to recognize your wifes patterns and have a level of prediction prepared to deal with them. Over time you will know the major triggers or some of them. Second thing is to know she does not think or see things like nons do, her view is distorted. Understanding this will go along way with future interactions.

Good luck my friend.

[formflier]

So, what do you folks think? Should I trust my BPDw or not? 

I think we need to help you redefine what trust means.

If that means that you trust her to behave appropriately... . then I would say no.

If you meant that you trust her to be honest about her feelings... . she may be able to do that.  But you need to be aware that those feelings will be all over the place.

Remember... . feelings and facts get confused for pwBPD.  Most nons find this very hard to deal with... . me especially... . what actually happened matters to me.

Hang in there and keep coming back to post more!

[waverider]

A pwBPDs truth is not fixed in concrete. It is what they think and feel at that moment. Commitment to maintaining that feeling is virtually non existent.

Accepting that is how she feels now, whilst being realistic that she has a basic inability not to change is more important that "trusting' a moment will be permanent.

Commitment to permanent healthy lifestyle choices is one of the biggest hurdles to escaping from the disorder.

Being openly cynical helps no one. Going with the moment is your best chance of feeding it and helping that moment grow into something more lasting.