Longest We've ever gone

[zenwexler]

So it's been officially 30 days of no contact. I was really hoping to keep this post positive but to be completely honest I have a great deal of anxiety right now. All the other times I have gone NC I always receive a casual text within 2-4 weeks from her, in fact I looked forward to it, because that text she would always send me would tell me multiple things.

A. She really is disordered

B. She hasn't fully moved on

C. A part of her misses me and still cares

But right now I have her blocked. So I have no idea what so ever if she has reached out. And it scares me, because if she hasn't then I feel like I may not even cross her mind, or that she doesn't miss me, or that she has moved on and is actually happy. I just don't feel all too great.

[corraline]

I hear you zen

sometimes i just can't believe its over for me and my ex.

it's just so painful.   there is no way around it but through it. 

sometimes i take a deep breath and when i release it i imagine letting the pain go with it.  it helps me.

my wish for you is some peace right now


here is a seriously big  !

[AwakenedOne]

the longer I go NC the more i start to forget about how truly sick she is.

Hi Zen,

I used to have a list like the one you keep also. I have memorized my list over the last 10 months. I read some of your old posts. It seems like you weren't happy in the relationship. Takes a while for a breakup to really sink in that maybe this is really the end. I feel for you. I added to my list daily sometimes to just express myself and vent somehow and have an outlet. The pen and paper was my outlet.

Peace,

AO

[Lucky Jim]

Hey zen, stay the course, if you can.  Anxiety is normal and will subside.  You are out of an unhealthy r/s, so just keep movin' forward and things will definitely get better.  LuckyJim

[zenwexler]

It's just tough. Blocking her is such a ridiculous concept. I literally never have to talk to her ever again. I can't believe it's already been a month. It's now officially the longest we've gone without talking since the day we first met. And it breaks my heart. I wonder if she's tried to reach out. I wonder if I cross her mind.

Every other time I said we can't be friends she always put up a fight. This time she did but then for the first time she agreed. And every other time I give her this great big good bye. Telling her how I hate how it has to be this way and that I'll always cherish her and our memories and all that. And she never really gives me a good bye just a see you later. But this time I didn't say good bye. I just blocked. I said we shouldn't be friends. She said ok why. Then she came out and said she agreed. So I said nothing and I blocked her.

[Banshee]

And every other time I give her this great big good bye. Telling her how I hate how it has to be this way and that I'll always cherish her and our memories and all that. And she never really gives me a good bye just a see you later.

I would do this also, to be honest I did it to trigger his abandonment issues in hopes that he would "change his mind" he would panick the first few times i did this, refused to  say  goodbye and would question it.  After awhile  I guess he caught on to it and just went along and finally said goodbye. It felt awful :'(

I really look up to the fact you have blocked her. Even after all this time I have never been able to do that , still kinda hoping for contact,that I disguise as closure. Really have no idea what I will do if he did.

I think your doing great  hang in there  ,really that's all we have at this point