And she's engaged

[Tired_of_this12345]

Funny how fast they move.  2 months ago,  she was sleeping with me.  Now she is engaged to her next victim.  It does hurt that she moved on so fast,  but that is expected from her. 

Well I can only continue to live my life the best that I can.  My happiness is completely unrelated to her.   Again,  this forum really helps me. 

[seeking balance]

My happiness is completely unrelated to her.   

Keep remembering this... . I know it can be hard when we find out this news, be kind to you right now.

Peace,

SB

[dillan6241]

Hey,

I think we're all in the same boat. 4 months ago my exBPDgf was sleeping in my bed, telling "ily more than anything." Now, she's moved on completely, I've moved on but think about her incessantly ... . and funny thing is that my exBPDgf also pushed and pushed for marriage within the first few months, only to find out later that its not what she wanted.

What I've read on these forums and what my T has told me ... . pwBPD don't make decisions and actions that make sense, they seem to act completely on impulse and lack rational thinking. I remember asking my parents to marry me exBPDgf all within a year, but my parents were very wise and told me to wait and keep pushing hard at work and school ... . they knew something was wrong. If I had gotten engaged and married, the same inevitable thing would've happened ... . abandoned and discarded.

[Tausk]

Ouch.  It hurts.  It really hurt me to learn that my ex recently married the guys she was cheating with on me.  But the similarities from everyone on the board gives me hope.  I'm not alone.  My feelings are valid.

It feels like I've been discarded like used toilet paper.  I've been painted evil and everything I did for my ex has been discounted and turned back against me.  But I also know that pwBPD don't discard as much as flee.  She's run to something that for now doesn't confuse her as much.  For now doesn't induce as much shame.  And for now doesn't remind her of how she doesn't know how to love.  So she has to run away and has to paint me as evil to survive her own limited understanding of the world.   The Disorder is a B___.

And I have to accept that the Disorder is more powerful than me. 

So in reality, I'm sorry for your pain.  I hope you don't suffer too much.  But I'm not sorry that your ex has moved on.  I have very little doubt that or exes moving on quickly and without room for a recycle from us is a great blessing for us. 

I can recover, and learn to live and love in the way that I always dreamed of.  In a way, I'm grateful to my ex for the pain, cuz that's what it took to open my eyes and my heart. 

[Tired_of_this12345]

Excellent points. 

I remember at the start of our relationship,  she had been pushing hard for marriage as well.  Thankfully I did wait.  It was only after that honeymoon period that I learned what she was really like. 

And you are completely right about how her moving on helped me.  If she didn't jump into another relationship,  I would have been drawn back in.  But she was in this new relationship probably before we were done.   We were in the middle of this make up/break up cycle before we broke it off completely.  She was probably waiting to make sure she had the new guy hooked before saying goodbye to me. 

So 3 weeks out,  she was announcing how her relationship was so amazing.  And now 2 months out,  she is engaged.   But yes,  this frees me.  I can move on so I can be happy.