Why were you dumped?

[AwakenedOne]

Why were you dumped by your pwBPD?

Alternate question: If you were the one who broke up with them - What was it that they didn't like about your behavior that caused all the problems?

I was dumped because:

1. I am controlling

2. I hate her family

3. I don't make a ton of money to suit her dream lifestyle

4. I am the Devil

5. Miscellaneous insane / gibberish reasons

In REALITY:

1. I am not controlling.

2. I tried REALLY hard to be friends with her family. I helped them move, was there at all the holidays, visited a lot and told them I was always there for them. I really tried to fit in. They hated me - most of them, if not all have mental disorders also and / or are abusers.

3. I made the most money I could, I don't have a bachelors degree like her.

4. I am a good person.

5. N/A

Would be interested in knowing any reasons your ex had a problem with you to have a greater understanding of what goes through the mind of someone with BPD. I invite anyone to share.

Peace,

AO

[Red Sky]

My BPDexgf never stopped idolising me, but I triggered her by

1. Not being there 24 hours a day for her to talk to... . At... . So she didn't have an outlet for her anxiety

2. Being adamant that she wasn't a crummy person and spending hours listing the reasons why, until she got bored

3. Being romantically unavailable after I dumped her

So basically... . Not giving her attention. Or being boring.


My uNPDexbf:

The Things He Consciously Said, from least to most ridiculous-sounding:

1. I was jealous and possessive; I refused to agree to an open relationship despite the fact that I have no moral objections to such arrangements (because I was certain he would constantly play me off against other sexual partners)

2. I never made him feel flattered by asking for sex.

3. When I asked why he was withholding sex: I was abusive and rapey, how dare I pressure my partner into sex. Men can be victims of domestic abuse too.

4. He hated my family. (This one is really quite reasonable. My family gave him lots of valid reasons to hate them. Admittedly some of his reasons were not valid, but I can forgive him... . )

5. I liked going out drinking and partying too much. (Maybe once a week?)

6. I flirted constantly with other guys.

7. I gave him ridiculous overpriced presents he didn't want. Occasionally he had asked for the item in question.

8. I am a 'posh git'. This is hurtful when your Hilton points are paying for his 5-star hotel room.

9. My cookies are 'a heart attack on a plate'. I don't know why I remember my special cookie recipe causing such problems on multiple occasions. Probably because I baked him several variations thereof, and when he didn't eat them I fed them to a male friend. Wow, how didn't I see the pattern of jealousy here before?

Looking at this list, I think the real thing which sparked all conflict was jealousy and a need to prove himself 'better' than me. The day he hurt me so badly that I started to draw my escape plan, I had told him that I won three university prizes that year... .

[Banshee]

I broke it off with him after another round of me saying something that offended him. I had to endure lengthy  "lectures" about what I said . I wasn't allowed to explain myself, that would be interrupting. The only way out of the awful mess would be me having to agree I said such an terrible thing and apologize for how it made him feel.

It was like  being accused of stealing with the receipt in hand. Even then after apologizing for something I didn't do, it would be brought up for weeks even months later .He seemed to enjoy re-living  the apologies and making me feel guilty and shameful over and over.

The times I refused to be blamed and would leave , he would ask over and over are we breaking up,I would try so hard to get him to see I left because of the criticisms and accusations,he would ignore what I said and would continue asking if we were breaking up,,frustrated I would say yes.Then of course I abandoned him and all was my fault.

Soo.

.He would say I dumped him because I was like a child that wanted her way and never really cared or loved  him.

In reality I was forced to leave because my soul  and heart was slowly dying from neglect and constant turmoil.

[Turkish]

I was never cotrollng. She liked that about me, but I gave her too much freedom in the end, and she took that as carte blanche to find a replacement. In short, I stopped being her parent. I changed the dynamic of the r/s to focus on the kids, children she pressured me into having, and I acceeded because my boundaries were lousy, and I feared losing her.

To her, I emotionally abandoned her "it felt just like my father!" Yikes. There is truth to that, and I own my part... . nevermind I felt like dying for the year previously, because it felt just like my mother  

A year before it started exponentially decaying, I remember thinking, " there is no way I can retire with this woman." I taught her to be more financially responsible. I make over twice her salary. I encouraged her to start her own retirement account. I remember thinking,."she's going to pick up on my vibe, the r/s isn't going to last more than about 7 years, if that."

So I was passive aggressive. Like our first recycle in Year 1/6 when she accused me of not having the balls to just say, " I don't want to be with you." Our break up lasted only days. S4 came to conception months later. She feared to lose a stable guy with whom to have kids she was desperate for. Later, I agreed to D2, despite me voicing my reservations, because I knew if I didn't, she would leave me. I later told her it was due to her emotional instability, to which she replied, " you should have been honest with me," as if there is a nice way to say," you're crazy." Maybe I should have, but it's obviously irrelevant now. I'm calm, cool, and collected in the face of just about anything (it helped me survive my childhood). Not intense enough for a pwBPD, but perfect for a father.

She's addicted to being in love. I'm not. She wanted to leave then S3 and D1 with her mom o go out on dates to work on our r/s. I valued my young children, she wanted validation, and in finding my replacement, a young, immature guy with narc traits, she found the intensity, while neglecting her children. This was a mismatch of values and maturity. She stopped mirroring me, i stopped being Daddy. (The external trigger was also yet another of her father's uncovered affairs.)

Done. Goodbye... .

[Blimblam]

1. I got really busy with work and was too busy to keep her entertained.

2. I began holding her accountable for contributing.

3. She was contributing by cleaning and for a few weeks she packed my lunch.  I didn't eat the lunch she packed 1 week. Half way through that week she told me to clean the room and I didn't.  Mind you I was working 60 hours a week of manual labor on a sprained ankle.  While she was working 15 or 16 hours a week at an extremely easy job.

4. She complained about money so I offered her work because I needed help.  She refused.  All the while I was paying for everything at that point because she wasn't getting enough hours.

5. #4 was the last straw for me and I called her out on it. I "won" the argument.  she realized she couldn't win the arguments with me because I would call her on projecting and tell her "I'm not your Dad." " I don't want you to need me just to to love me."

So, she decided to cheat on me. worked to get me off center then she belittled and invalidated me until she broke me.

[Split black]

1. She would complain that she was lonely and I wasn't spending enough time with her. Not immediately available.

2. I busted her cheating and forgave her

3. I busted her cheating again with the same guy and she blew me off right after having a crying fit moment of lucidity... . saying now I would never believe anything she had to say.

4. Then I became a monster and a liar and someone who manipulated her

5. Then she tried to ruin my reputation by spreading all kinds of crazy lies.


REALITY

1. I was at her beck and call, unending drama and crisis... . provided her with extra money, food and clothes and she became a sugarbaby

1a. I provided advice and was a true friend who supported her constantly and got nothing in return.

2. Her cheating was my fault.

3. Her lying and cheating was projected back on to me.

4. According to her I deserve it. No apologies, no remorse.

[Turkish]

1. I got really busy with work and was too busy to keep her entertained.

I worked all weekend, which was rare, being part of a "strike team" working to solve a problem which saved our whole division from major downsizing. To this day, I hate that company (a household name everybody knows... . the company I work for is also a household name), as that was the customer. I came home on Sunday evening, exhausted, and buried myself in my tablet with a book to unwind. She came out and said, "it's over!" Excuse me? What about that $37k SUV I just bought you, or the $30k addition you have been pressuring me to make on the house?" I didn't say that. I was blown away. Of course I hated being away from my family all weekend, who wouldn't? I found out about the affair about two weeks later.

[mitti]

I enforced a boundary.

He had a "friend" that he triangulated me with. This was another guy who was after him, used him, psychologically abused him, put him down and basically brainwashed him, basically all the things my uBPDxbf had done to me. And at the same time the friend drove a wedge in between the two of us.

And we had come a long way in CT but I just couldn't take it anymore because it was like having another woman in the r/s. When I started enforcing boundaries to protect myself from the hurt when he basically had two lives - one with me and one with his friend and his social life - he threw a tantrum, like he had done so many times before, and I just said OK and didn't contact him again, like I had done so many times before. I treated it like a breakup and it became one.

[Notsurewhattothinkofthis]

1. I got dumped because I will never find someone as good looking as her and I was lucky to meet her

2. I got dumped because I was possessive.

3. I got dumped because I didn't meet her standards.

4. I got dumped because I was too controlling.

5. I got dumped because her girlfriends thought I was not the one for her.

5. I got dumped because I didn't let her go out to the bar basically every weekend.

6. I got dumped because she thought I was too soft.

7. I got dumped because I was not making enough money

8. I got dumped because I didn't stand up to some people.

9. I got dumped because I was too old.

10. I got dumped because I didn't like the music she liked.

The thing is I fixed her crapoy condo. Her walls were stained and ruined. I fixed and painted her condo to make it look nice. I decorated it  so it feels homely.

I am starting to hate her really... .

[LostGhost]

Truthfully I'm still trying to figure that out. But basically... . the last night we spent together we had plans for the evening. She came home about two hours later than expected. I questioned her and after going in circles with different lies, she told me she spent five hours with her ex at his place. I became upset due to sensitivity issues surrounding what my ex-wife did to me in terms of infidelity and my exBPDgf knew this intimately! I raised my voice and told her it was inappropriate. She didn't like that one bit. No contact since. I have no closure. I suppose I conducted myself in the wrong manner especially not knowing she was BPD. I obviously triggered her. But I'd been getting coldness and distance for weeks before that for no reason whatsoever. There must be more to the story but who knows. I thought rational adults in a mutually respectful relationship worked their problems out through communication. But she cut me out and discarded me like trash. And this relationship appears to have been one sided.  :'(

[myself]

We shared intimacy, which triggered her. It was too honest. This made her act out, hurting me, and the relationship, which was also a way for her to hurt herself. Despite years of trying to find a way through this, together, I finally had to walk away, alone. She said goodbye, and so did I, but I don't think either of us wanted it to happen that way. It just was what it was. It ended in a tie where both sides won and lost.

[Blimblam]

oh and then the second time... .

1. she strung me along along with a bunch of other dudes.

2. it made me insecure so she did it more to manipulate me.

3. She decided to sleep with a few of her "fans" friends before we would get back together. But lied to me about it.

4. I just couldn't trust her and called her out.  She didn't like being called a liar or seeing her own damn reflection.

5. discarded

[Popcorn71]

My exBPDh left after being together for 9 years because he didn't like my teenage son. He said he could not see a future with me because of my son. Shouldn't he have thought this 5 years earlier before marrying me?  He became increasingly more abusive to my son and eventually moved out. I was forced to get a job as he withdrew financial support.  Then he didn't like it because I did not have much spare time to spend with him.

I believe the real reason was that he got bored and found the replacement.  He then tried to make me so unhappy that I would dump him so he could walk away being an innocent victim. However I clung on to the sham relationship and he had to end it before being found out for the liar and cheat that he is.

[NewMom]

1. He wants to save me and our daughter the pain of having anything to do with his condition

2. He still has feelings for the woman he cheated on me with

3. He's not good enough for me

4. He can't be with me but not without me

TRANSLATION:

1. My focus is not on him but on our daughter

2. She can focus on him exclusively because she has no children and has her own issues with being alone

3. I'M NOT GOOD ENOUGH FOR HIM

4. But in the end, I need to be kept "warm" so that IF the other woman leaves (as she will) he will have a warm bed to return to

[BlondeRunner]

I'm jealous that you guys all got explanations! Why was I dumped? Hmmmm... . well,  apparently I am the one who ended the relationship. Yes,  I’ve had it turned around on me!

In summary: he told some silly, pointless lies. I called him out on those lies. I said I didn’t deserve to be lied to and if it continued how could we have a successful relationship? WOW. How awful was I to say those horrible things? I am the world’s worst girlfriend!  Since then I have been dealt one month’s silent treatment and blocked on all social media with the only contact to tell me how I made the situation very clear. He’s probably right to react like that, I mean, what I said was pretty unreasonable... .

[going places]

Why were you dumped by your pwBPD?

The answer changes like the wind.

He got 'bored'?

He never matured past 13, so, think of the reasons why a 13 year old would 'break up' with his gf.

You'll be closer to the reason.

His addiction consumes him.

Alternate question: If you were the one who broke up with them - What was it that they didn't like about your behavior that caused all the problems?

Part of his game is to tell me "I didn't do anything wrong"... . except that he was not the center of my universe. I did not fawn and grope all over him 24/7.

I did not constantly have my hands all over him.

He was not on a pedestal.

At the end of the day, those are all HIS problems, no mine.

HE could no longer pretend, he let the 'real him' show in 2011, and once he did he had no intention of 'performing' any longer.

Again. Not my problem.

I used to drive myself crazy trying to 'figure it out' or 'make it make sense'.

Today?

I just don't care.

I just don't have the time or brain space to waste.

[Banshee]

  WOW!

I did not fawn and grope all over him 24/7.

I did not constantly have my hands all over him.

He was not on a pedestal.

 WOW!

OH MY GOSH! I had a Idealization phase come about mid relationship out of nowhere , I had no idea why. It lasted for about a week.Friday to Friday, I was at his house and was on my laptop looking up something for HIM on that Last Friday. He looked at me and said with a child like voice , your not "touching me" like you have been. I was on the computer!

Was I suppose to stroke his head and arms with my feet? He went outside and I followed , where he said it again, so I was touching and rubbing his arm trying to reassure him that I was the "same" . He cocked his  head a bit and had a strange look on his face... a confused look with a forced smile. THEN he was GONE, the nice guy for the week disappeared right before my eyes. My week of bliss was over!

Man oh man... this BPD is a MESS!

[Tausk]

Many reasons why I left, she left, I left, she left... .   But one reason is that my ex would always say that I didn't accept her.  She would repeat this often in counseling and with others, and it would trigger insecurities in her.     And I would always try and tell and show her that I did accept her.

But the truth of the matter is, she was correct.  I never did accept her the way she was.

I did not understand the Disorder.  I thought she could get better.  I thought she might be able to grow up.  I thought that she might be able to change.  I wanted to be with a person who could exercise free will and take responsibility for her actions.  I assumed that one day she would realize that her actions were in part due to the Disorder and that she could be better.

And I told her that I wouldn't marry her until we could be friends, and I could trust her a bit.   But, I didn't understand that the Disorder precludes anything of the behaviors that I need in a partner.  I didn't understand this fact when we were together.  It's only after stepping out of the FOG that I realize the truth.  



So one reason she left is because she knew that she did not have the capacity and could never be my friend.  All she could offer was cooking and sex.   And I needed more.

Detach and depersonalize the Disorder.  It isn't about me.   It's about her nightmare and survival for her.

[Turkish]

Many reasons why I left, she left, I left, she left... .   But one reason is that my ex would always say that I didn't accept her.  She would repeat this often in counseling and with others, and it would trigger insecurities in her.     And I would always try and tell and show her that I did accept her.

But the truth of the matter is, she was correct.  I never did accept her the way she was.

I did not understand the Disorder.  I thought she could get better.  I thought she might be able to grow up.  I thought that she might be able to change.  I wanted to be with a person who could exercise free will and take responsibility for her actions.  I assumed that one day she would realize that her actions were in part due to the Disorder and that she could be better.

This is similar to what my T said, that my anger came from not accepting my uBPDx as she was. I kept expecting her to be someone she was not (and on the other side, this probably applied to me from her point of view as well).

Radical Acceptance now helps me be less angry with her when she does things that are odd me, in co-parenting our children.

[Emelie Emelie]

I wish I knew why I was dumped.  It's one of the things I struggle with the most.  I don't know if he met someone else, if his insecurities got the better of him.  I just don't know.  And he won't discuss it with me. 

He said I dumped him.  (Same as last time.)  But I didn't.  I walked away from an abusive conversation.  Told him I was "done".  (Same as last time.)  Tried to contact him the next day to talk it out and he wouldn't take my call.  (Same as last time.)  Told me he never wanted to speak to me again.  (Same as last time.)

I think I got dumped because I wasn't treating him like the center of my universe.  I was sick, I had a lot going on.  He was also barred from work gatherings because he threatened to knock out an employee of mine.  Someone he thought was a little inappropriate with me.  (Which he was... . but still.)  My daughter and family wanted nothing to do with him because of what he put me through.  His take on all of this was that I had said terrible things about him to these people.  I didn't.  I do think he was feeling insecure.  Part of the break up was preemptive.  But I also think that he decided I wasn't what he wanted after all.  The reasons for that were endless.  I would defend myself when he attacked which meant I thought I was perfect and could do no wrong.  (I validated and then explained where I was really coming from.)  He made a veiled reference to wanting someone "younger" (I am a few years older than him.) 

The part that's still really tough is he made a commitment to do whatever it took to make our relationship work the second time around. 

Last time around he was contacting me again within a couple of months.  Not this time.  I think he's really done and it hurts.  The rejection hurts enormously.

[Feralnerd]

I love this thread.

I was dumped because:

1) We just weren't meshing anymore.

2) I was boring.

3) I was a perpetual disappointment.

4) I was uncreative.

5) I never do what I say I will, and she needs to listen to my actions not my words.

In reality:

1) We weren't meshing anymore because she abruptly adopted the personalities of her new roommates, and with them, her criteria for a good mate switched from "Are you a good man that loves me unconditionally" to "Are you cool enough for me?"

2) I am in a graduate program and cofounded a nonprofit. I'm trying to do world changing things with my life, sorry I can't party on a  weeknight. Beyond that, my full time job was saving the relationship from her destructive bouts of sabotage - doesn't leave a lot of room for playful lighthearted fun.

3) I took her out on thoughtful dates to show her how special she was. She responded by demeaning me and turning every attempt at a night out into her sabotaging the relationship.

4) It is a matter of public record that I have made a career out of my lateral thinking. Beyond that, even if I wasn't particularly creative, if you've told a person you love them and you want their children as she did, whether or not someone makes arts and crafts with their free time is a pretty shallow thing to abandon someone for.

5) Her evidence for this was that sometimes I'd try to pull an all-nighter at work and then get so tired I'd go home instead of staying at work. That sort of deviation from expected plans seemed to shake her to her tree. Beyond that she was clearly projecting with the way her actions (chaos, conflict, jealousy, cruelty, belittling) when her words were all about how gentle, delicate and loving she is.

The truth behind why I was dumped? The close bond we forged was probably too close. I had a similar childhood, and I actually understood where she was coming from. Whenever she acted out, I was patient and kind. I'd recognize it as an attempt to push me away and console her with "It is not you versus me, it is us as a team against the problem." I'd put my hand on the small of her back and reassure her she wasn't alone in this world. Now I realize that as much as she wanted to be loved unconditionally, the prospect of being loved that way by someone who was imperfect was horrifying. So she lined up a replacement, someone who it would be a lot more superficial with, and knowing she had options, she was free to leave me. Two weeks later, she was head over heels with the replacement.

[Feralnerd]

Oh, forgot to mention: I was controlling/possessive and jealous. Jealousy comes from insecurity in a relationship, and with the way she talked about other men, I'd be a fool to be secure. And controlling? I wasn't interested in having an open relationship. Forgive me for the incredible possessiveness of not exposing your partner to potential STDs.

[Red Sky]

Oh, forgot to mention: I was controlling/possessive and jealous. Jealousy comes from insecurity in a relationship, and with the way she talked about other men, I'd be a fool to be secure. And controlling? I wasn't interested in having an open relationship. Forgive me for the incredible possessiveness of not exposing your partner to potential STDs.

In a normal relationship that's a matter of trust, of both partners being committed and comfortable with the choice, and of both partners being clear on their boundaries, both physical and emotional. Doesn't quite work with a PD though.

My BPDexgf was very much like this. I told her a funny story about a much older man hitting on me at work and she got in such a rage.

[Feralnerd]

In a normal relationship that's a matter of trust, of both partners being committed and comfortable with the choice, and of both partners being clear on their boundaries, both physical and emotional. Doesn't quite work with a PD though.

My BPDexgf was very much like this. I told her a funny story about a much older man hitting on me at work and she got in such a rage.

Absolutely. In any other relationship I've had, jealousy has not been an issue. They kept their exes as friends and had close male friends, and I'd never felt uneasy. They showed me that they were trustworthy and they didn't make flirty comments extolling the sex appeal of other men - unlike my BPDexgf who seemed to delight in that sort of behavior. In the same breath, she was horrifically jealous. She viewed every woman in my life as a potential threat, no matter how much I reassured her that I had eyes for only her.

[topknot]

Here it is word for word: "Your emails are not in line. I apologize as a man of this inconvenience for both of us, as you seemingly take no responsibility for your words,  statements, actions, or anything,  let alone even feel enough to apologize for the embarrassment, unfounded accusations,  ridicule, and character assassination you have done to me on many occasions, I will not ever be with someone like this. We are finished,  fini, over as a couple. The only thing in the future is maybe a friendship just because of our many years of knowing one another. " Yeah, okay... .

[fortunes_fool]

Boy, that's a loaded question. The first time, she didn't even explain. I think there was something said later about me being abusive, there was the comment we didn't have enough sex (she was sleeping in the same room as her mother at the time; I was living with my parents, and she hated them, so she wouldn't come over), and she said I wasn't there for her. We were back together within 2 weeks. The second time, she said she'd finally decided she didn't want children, and knew I did. Within about 30 minutes of that statement, though, she had told me how abusive and horrible I was, and how maybe if I wasn't such an ass, she'd want kids with me. But it didn't matter, anyhow, because she just wanted to die, so who cared whether or not she wanted kids? (Summary of her words, not my own thoughts.)

The third, and thankfully last, time, she said she just couldn't take it anymore. What was "it"? I have no clue. Our relationship was tumultuous, as I imagine all BPD relationships are. Her mother died 2 1/2 years after we got together, and she was closer to her mom than anyone else (frequently reminded me that she'd never love me as much as she loved her immediate family). Two months later, she let our shared storage unit be auctioned off. I lost half of all my worldly belongings, and I'm not the materialistic type; nearly all of it was highly sentimental stuff from my childhood and from my grandparents, both of whom are now dead. I lost it when she told me it was gone; for an entire 30 seconds, apparently, my face fell, and to her, it seemed that I was demonizing her. Now, 30 seconds after she told me, I told her I knew she had never intended it to be auctioned, and I didn't blame her. But the fact that my face, in that first moment, indicated to her that I blamed her, sealed my fate. Every time after that final breakup that I would try again, fruitlessly, to gain insight into what had happened, she'd bring up that day she told me my stuff was gone.

I suppose it was pertinent to her because the night she broke up with me, she kept going on and on about the storage unit, and how I obviously cared far more for my belongings than for her (nevermind I lost my family's respect because of all the crap my ex put them through). She kept bringing up her deceased mother, and I told her something like, "Yes, it's horrible that you lost your mother, but there was no way we could have prevented that; the unit being auctioned could have been prevented." In the days and weeks that followed, she perverted this statement into me being a callous, heartless ass who had denigrated her and her mother's memory, and told her, basically, that I couldn't care less that her mother was dead, and she should just get over it already.

Why did she really break up with me, in my opinion? Because 1) I wouldn't let her smoke in my car (seriously... . this was a massive bone of contention); 2) I refused to move into her 10' x 10' bedroom in a house owned by people she had trained to hate me; and 3) I wouldn't wait on her hand and foot (she honestly said, a few months ago, that because I wouldn't forsake my own dreams and needs to attend to hers constantly, we were obviously not meant to be).

The crazy thing is that I didn't end it. And she seemed stunned when she told me it was over and I responded, "Good!" She even went into the whole, "And don't think I'm going to change my mind," thing for about 10 minutes before she allowed me to interrupt, "I'm not stopping you." Did I mention this was 4 days after our dog was inexplicably poisoned, and the day after she told me to let the dog die rather than possibly having to pay vet bills to rehabilitate her? Yeah.

[maternal]

I have avoided this thread because I know why I was dumped, and I also agree with him.  It seems wrong somehow, but I also know that he was right.

I don't agree that I am 100% at fault, not at all.  But as far as "letting go of the ones that hold you back," I was that for him.  It sounds weird.  We were trying to create something together, a business, but part of me never took it seriously.  And as many times as he lectured me and told me that I wasn't doing my part, I wouldn't hear it.  He's not so disordered that he is completely delusional.  Yes, he skews reality in the way that anyone with Borderline does, but the truth of this matter is that he was right.  I did not do my part.  I didn't do my part, outside of loving the hell out of him, of evolving within the relationship for us to do what we needed to do for our business.  Admittedly, I was insanely lost.  I didn't even know what I really wanted.  I went with whatever flow he wanted me to... . and because my heart wasn't in it, I didn't contribute what I should have for Us, as a pair, to grow.

I know this goes against conventional knowledge around here, but it's as honest as I can be.  Part of loving myself and taking care of me, is being completely and insanely honest.  I am not beating myself up.  I'm disappointed in myself, sure, but I'm not beating me up.  Just living my truth.

[PhoenixRising15]

We shared intimacy, which triggered her. It was too honest. This made her act out, hurting me, and the relationship, which was also a way for her to hurt herself. Despite years of trying to find a way through this, together, I finally had to walk away, alone. She said goodbye, and so did I, but I don't think either of us wanted it to happen that way. It just was what it was. It ended in a tie where both sides won and lost.

/raises his hand.

[kba1969]

Towards the end of our relationship I had uncovered tons of lies and texts from other guys.  I broke up with her and allowed her back two days later.  It was two days before my daughters birthday.  She was crushed when I broke up with her because she had gifts for my daughter and I told her to keep them.  So she came back, gave my daughter her gifts and I let her back in just to get dumped the day after.  They don't like it when you break up with them so she gained back her control.  I went NC for a month but failed and called her twice but no answer.  She knew I was right in saying she cheated, lied and manipulated through our entire relationship and split me black.  I've been NC for over a month and am feeling real good