UdBPD h is stealing from me, help.

[Iforget]

So I got a lawyer and stated I want a divorce. UdBPD H has made life a living bell since for the kids and me. He won't leave and I don't have the money. I took monies, one third, of our savings. I paid this to the L. He has taken all my cash, credit cards, check book. I believe he took my expensive jewelry. Now I think he took my coin collection. The coins are not of great value. They were the only thing I have of my father's. They are not marital property. I think he has all of these things at his office. Should I call the lawyer? Should I go to his office and call the police? I'm so angry and frustrated.

[Matt]

Yes, tell the lawyer, and provide her with any evidence you can.

If you file for divorce, you can probably ask the judge for "temporary orders" - a decision about custody of the kids and how money and property will be handled during the divorce process.  This way you can make sure to have the money you need.  Neither party should be able to take all the money or to take personal property from the other party.

You may also be able to ask the judge to order that you shouldn't live together during the divorce.

[ForeverDad]

A police report might be helpful documentation.  Does your lawyer feel that is necessary, does he/she realize this is a high conflict divorce?  I worry that when it comes time for the material and financial divisions that your stbExH will claim not to have them and then you're stuck.  With a police report you might have leverage.

In the meantime have you copied or kept - for yourself and in a safe place - credit & bank account numbers, passwords, vehicle titles, property deeds, mortgages, birth and marriage certificates, insurance and beneficiaries, etc?

[Iforget]

5:00 pm. Just heard from the L office. She is out till Monday. Weighing my options. I could email UdBPD H and ask that the property be returned. I could go to the police and ask that I be allowed to go to his office and retrieve personal item. Or I could just file a report. Not really wanting to wait around till Monday afternoon to do something.

[Boss302]

5:00 pm. Just heard from the L office. She is out till Monday. Weighing my options. I could email UdBPD H and ask that the property be returned. I could go to the police and ask that I be allowed to go to his office and retrieve personal item. Or I could just file a report. Not really wanting to wait around till Monday afternoon to do something.

Is there no one else at the office that can help you? This seems like a pretty critical issue.

And I don't think it can hurt to try and ask for the items back, versus raising hell now. But if you choose to do so, don't do it verbally - do it on email, if possible.

In fact, if this is the way this guy's going to play, I'd suggest ALL communications being on email from now on.

[david]

I would suggest that you secure anything of value left if possible. Take pictures of the contents of the house now and document everything you can. Take all documents and put them somwhere safe that only you have access to.

My ex literally emptied our house. We had 47 electrical outlet covers throughout the house. She removed them all. She took the three toilet paper holders from the bathrooms. I mean everything. However, she left a disposable camera in the basement . It had a picture of a Uhaul truck. I went to Uhaul and said my wife lost the reciept and we needed it for our taxes. They printed one out for me. It had a storage unit on the paper too that she had rented.

I had several checks written out to me. They totaled over 5,000 but under 10,000. I don't remember the exact amount. It was in 2007. She forged my name on the back and deposited them in a joint account. When the checks cleared she emptied out the accounts.

Our divorce took over three years. In that time I gathered as much evidence as I could. Ex was good at leaving trails. When it came for equitable distribution I was awarded 70 % of the remaining assets (cash in an escrow account). I moved everything I could into an account that needed both parties present. I sold our house and put that in the escrow account too. Ex accused me of all kinds of nasty things in the equitable distribution conference. I told my atty to let her talk. We then presented all the evidence to show ex was lying. Her atty "got it" and pressured ex to settle rather than risk going in front of a judge.   

[Matt]

What about an e-mail:

I am missing the following items:  X, Y, and Z.

I believe you may have them at your office.

Please return them by noon tomorrow so I will not need to file a report with the police.

Then see how he responds, and if he doesn't return them - and if you are very sure he took them - file the report.

[Boss302]

I would suggest that you secure anything of value left if possible. Take pictures of the contents of the house now and document everything you can. Take all documents and put them somwhere safe that only you have access to.

My ex literally emptied our house. We had 47 electrical outlet covers throughout the house. She removed them all. She took the three toilet paper holders from the bathrooms. I mean everything. However, she left a disposable camera in the basement . It had a picture of a Uhaul truck. I went to Uhaul and said my wife lost the reciept and we needed it for our taxes. They printed one out for me. It had a storage unit on the paper too that she had rented.

I had several checks written out to me. They totaled over 5,000 but under 10,000. I don't remember the exact amount. It was in 2007. She forged my name on the back and deposited them in a joint account. When the checks cleared she emptied out the accounts.

Our divorce took over three years. In that time I gathered as much evidence as I could. Ex was good at leaving trails. When it came for equitable distribution I was awarded 70 % of the remaining assets (cash in an escrow account). I moved everything I could into an account that needed both parties present. I sold our house and put that in the escrow account too. Ex accused me of all kinds of nasty things in the equitable distribution conference. I told my atty to let her talk. We then presented all the evidence to show ex was lying. Her atty "got it" and pressured ex to settle rather than risk going in front of a judge.   

A judge might refer some of this stuff to the DA... . especially the check nonsense. That doesn't sound legal to me.

[Iforget]

I am pretty ticked with the attorney. I knew the primary L was going out of town but back up L was suppose to be available. I will write email in a.m. when I am not so ticked. When I get stressed my blood pressure goes up. 160/96 today. I think I am going to rent a storage room tomorrow too. My stbx H is mainly a narcissistic I think. I have heard so many horror stories. I will have to be careful as he follows me around. Last Friday he searched the kids room. Made a mess of them. Has searched through all my stuff. I'm sure he is going to get ramped up this weekend

Thanks for all the advice. The site has really helped me to be more prepared.

[ForeverDad]

What is a safe place?  Anywhere you trust that cannot be accessed either physically or electronically.

A shared computer or one he's had access to?  Too easy to compromise with keyloggers and other software.

The car's locked trunk?  One member found out it was no mach for a crowbar.

A locked briefcase?  Those little locks?  Ha!

A mutual friend's home?  Um, no, that mutual friend may turn out to side with ex later on.

The office?  Too risky in case the staff to lets spouse "come in and wait" unsupervised.