I feel like my therapist doesn't listen to a thing I say

[qwaszx]

So, I made a phone appointment with my therapist(granted I haven't been seeing her all that often, but has known a bits about my situation for the last year almost), it went kinday, her focus is very much on building my new life, well that's all fine and dandy but my issues isn't that something's make me a little nervous, no I'm pretty freaking hard on my self, I don't need some one who I feel is almost patronizing me about what she feels I need to do, thank u captain obvious for telling me I need to face my fear, well my fear has nothing to do with me falling off, or dying, or getting hurt, my biggest fear about Riding is that I'm going to mess up my horses confidence/destroy him. Also that if I push myself to hard(which is what has lead me here in the first place, because I took on way more then I could chew with my BPD friend for almost 4 years, right after losing one of my closest friends/father figure and my all around family structure because his mom lost her mind and pushed everyone she was close to away, and then blamed for getting myself out of the situation that she had started creating after he died(she still won't talk to me to this day, and she was someone I lived with at one point, had dinners with, confided in each other before and after he died Would help carry her home , and cared and still do care about her deeply)because I couldnt stand to watch her self destruct and take everything we (my friends, him, his girl friend and I) build from pretty much nothing, flushed down the drain I wanted no part I that, and I wasn't going to stand there and watch his mother die inside also, I was 17 at the time. I don't have an issue facing my fears(my horse stopped at a jump the other day, because I was panicking before it, he wasn't to sure if I actually wanted to do it, all on me, and I wasn't worried about the jumps them self, I still don't know what set me off because nothing had happened that was bad, I just randomly get really nervous, before he stopped, and almost in tears when he did, but still carried on! and that's not like me to be that emotional over something like that, so of course we do it about 7 more jumps after, I didn't quit right after, I never end on a bad note, ever, regardless of my feelings, and her advice is so petite "face your fears"  meaning to jump the jumps, how doesn't she see that it had nothing to do with the jumps, and really tell me something I don't know, how do u think I have made it this far, and got to this point. But naturally I have a little bit of a complex because even though I know I'm not responsible for my BPD friends action(though she likes to blame me also when she does something hurtful to herself, "u almost pushed my over the edge this time" why because I expressed my feelings and u can't handle it?, or because I went out for he night, and u can't handle being alone? Hell I wasn't even in a relationship with u! We just lived together) and when she self destruct apart of me still blames myself for everything that's gone wrong, and feels like if I'm not "good enough" I'm going to wreak everything, because if I stepped on a crack she would fall apart, and I felt like I couldn't have feelings or need and had to be completely self less, at least while I lived with her. I just feel like my therapist don't actually listen to a thing I say, maybe I should pull a BPD move and start screaming til she does:P

[seeking balance]

 

I am sorry your T is not giving you the support you need - that has to be frustrating.

Peace,

SB

[qwaszx]

Thanks, it's extremlly frustrating... it just makes me so mad because they were the same way with her, just disregarded so much of what she was saying to them, til she just kept getting more and more depressed and ended up on the hospital, 3 T later... somedays I thinks she actually makes perfect sense...   . I don't know what's more frustrating the fact that now I really want talk to my BPD friend, even though I know how the story will go... . it just makes me appreciate the effort she had been putting in, and the huge amount of respect and empathy I actually have for her on this level, I think that get under my skin also. Just because she has BPD doesn't make her less of a person... . it just makes her really difficult to communicate with at times... . and she's is difficult in general but it's like oh they have BPD, flush them down the drain... . grr... . and it's kinda a general feeling I get with a couple T and health care professionals I have talked to over the last year... .    

[qwaszx]

Like how do people actually open up and bare there souls to these people they don't know? Because that seems to be my biggest issue, I just can't get her to understand how far this runs, or trust her with my core feelings... . this whole therapy thing is just so weird to me... . I find this sight far more helpful and insightful then any where.

[trappedinlove]

After meeting with several Therapists, some better some worse, for different issues I had to deal with during the past 8 years or so I learned to use Therapy as a resource for me.  It's a process I lead and I see the Therapist's role as a sounding board, someone to share my thoughts with and get their feedback, advise, and external (and professional) perspective.  Advise I respect and sometime agree with and sometimes disagree.  :)iscussing that is valuable and in the end everything is up to me to decide.  If I were attending a therapist who isn't listening to me then it doesn't work. period. next.

TIL

[qwaszx]

Thanks, that's kinda what I'm thinking, she's just either been doing it to long and is overlooking what I'm saying, or has to many other patience in her books, and is distracted, I don't really know... and I really suck I expressing myself in the first place, and easily shut down... especially when I don't really think someone's understandings or listening to what I'm trying to express, or explain... I sometimes wish I was more extraverted, instead of an introvert, and I could be like "ok theses are all my problems, fully open and talk away" so I just listen instead... . but I don't really trust her enough to show my true feelings. So maybe it's just me, and my walls and defensive, maybe I can't do therapy   maybe I'm trying to rush everything, instead of building a relationship? I don't really get how to open my door to a stranger, who I know nothing's about...

[trappedinlove]

Thanks, that's kinda what I'm thinking, she's just either been doing it to long and is overlooking what I'm saying, or has to many other patience in her books, and is distracted, I don't really know... and I really suck I expressing myself in the first place, and easily shut down... especially when I don't really think someone's understandings or listening to what I'm trying to express, or explain... I sometimes wish I was more extraverted, instead of an introvert, and I could be like "ok theses are all my problems, fully open and talk away" so I just listen instead... . but I don't really trust her enough to show my true feelings. So maybe it's just me, and my walls and defensive, maybe I can't do therapy   maybe I'm trying to rush everything, instead of building a relationship? I don't really get how to open my door to a stranger, who I know nothing's about...

So there could be an important lesson to you here then.

How about opening the above with your T?

It must be terrifying to you, I know.

TIL

[qwaszx]

Ya, Easier said then done. I just can never seem to find the words,    and I know why, it's from my mom when I was younger always trying to force me to talk about everything with her... . soo I've never dealt with anything by talking to people, my life, my issues, the only one I've ever truly open everything up to was my BPD friend, and well clearly she wasn't the right person, and I should have grasp that when she was digging into all my soft spots but when it comes to deep feelings she's really easy to talk to(when she's in a good mood and the timings right anyways).the whole concept is just weird... I should just go in and start off with how I can't talk with her? Haha

[trappedinlove]

Well you're talking here 

Something significant happened to you in this r/s that although it ended painfully you can leverage all the good things that happened, including you opening up to her and take it along with you.

Hang in there, talk to your therapist about where you feel blocked and see how it goes.

It's a long process so don't expect immediate change and there will be many ups and downs.

And if it doesn't work with this T you can still learn a lot from it and apply your conclusions with a different T.

The key is to communicate. Even if what you want to say is you find it difficult to say anything.  This will be huge!

[qwaszx]

Lol I hear u but it's not uncomfortable here, and there are many points of view. It's kinda just been a bad week all around.

I don't see the relationship as bad, I think I've learnt a lot from it, and I even understand what was happening in the end. I don't really feel as torn as I was that first split when she moved back home. I feel way more solid then what I used to be in who I am and what I want in this life. It's unfortunate because I've always made life long friends(other then my friends mom) so it's hard to totally grasp how fast things change in her, actually it might be some of what sets me off, the switch is just so sudden. I guess I wonder when I'll here from her again, and how to totally accept everything as it is. I don't hate her, I just don't want to be used or belittled when ever she feels fits her need. So I've just come to a point where I don't want to waste anymore time playing her games. I actually think she's helped me the most in a sense... . there were a lot of lessons I needed to learn. In the end I'm willing to be her friend but my boundary's will be strongly unforced, and if she doesn't like it then I'll be no worse for where, she'll just hit the road again. Right now I just need to completely figure out where I'm going I my life and do what I need to do for me. No drama, no bs, no BPD. And maybe get out of my head a little more