Completely crushed

[Emelie Emelie]

 Early this morning he returned my "stuff".  There wasn't much of it.  He just left it in a bag and set it by my front door.  Short text later to tell me it was there.  That's it. 

I'm just another Saturday morning errand.  He didn't want to say hello.  He didn't want to see me.  Just something he wanted to get out of the way.

I was doing much better.  I really was.  Or so I thought.  I woke up feeling pretty good this morning.  Now I'm just a sobbing mess.  I'm actually surprised by how hurt I am.  I thought I was making some progress.  I suppose part of it is the finality of it, the coldness of it.  It was the last little thing between us. 

[christoff522]

Early this morning he returned my "stuff".  There wasn't much of it.  He just left it in a bag and set it by my front door.  Short text later to tell me it was there.  That's it. 

I'm just another Saturday morning errand.  He didn't want to say hello.  He didn't want to see me.  Just something he wanted to get out of the way.

I was doing much better.  I really was.  Or so I thought.  I woke up feeling pretty good this morning.  Now I'm just a sobbing mess.  I'm actually surprised by how hurt I am.  I thought I was making some progress.  I suppose part of it is the finality of it, the coldness of it.  It was the last little thing between us. 

Now let your grief be a Saturday afternoon thing. Then let it be done with. You'll always think you were 'making progress', but thats not what a relationship is! A relationship is equal give and take. You'd never get that from him. He doesn't want to see you, because he is an emotionally distorted narcissistic individual who LOVES to be in pain, and to cause pain for others.

[Littleleft]

I suppose things like this are likely going to happen after breaking up with the pwBPD in our lives, so don't give yourself a hard time.  It's normal to feel the sadness and grieve for the relationship.  Let it happen, but much like christoff said, don't let it get to you too much.  Feel it and then try to move on from it a bit later.  Do something to distract yourself if you're struggling to let it go.

I was doing much better.  I really was.  Or so I thought.  I woke up feeling pretty good this morning.  Now I'm just a sobbing mess.  I'm actually surprised by how hurt I am.  I thought I was making some progress. 

You ARE doing well, this is just one of those blips that can happen.  Maybe you can prepare yourself for anything that might be yet to come now, maybe you'll feel a little less sad the next time something happens, if it does happen.

You're doing just great, things will get easier, so hang in there and be good to yourself! 

[trappedinlove]

Hugs Emilie.

I feel your pain. The coldness is hurting so much. I know that for myself. But I know that deep inside them it's much more complicated. That's the reason they want to erase us from tgeir consciousness. It's simply tragic. And it is what it is and out of our control.  All I can do is accept the sadness and take care of myself. Be happy with who I am knowing that I am also appreciated by many people who care about me. She can't handle me and a r/s with me since it triggers her so badly.  Hence the dissociation and chilling coldness. That's, sadly, hers to deal with.

Hang in there. The pain lessens with time as we gradually heal.

Keep on being a good person and be proud of it. It's huge.

[enlighten me]

Hi

It does hurt. The fact that they meant so much to us and we appear to be discarded as if we never existed really hurts.

I messaged my ex on facebook the other day as we haven't officially said its over and I said I was sick of being in limbo and wanted to know what was happening. I said about how she was being distant with me and had sent mixed messages and I didn't know where I stood. She replied that she was being distant but I should believe that she isn't doing it to hurt me.

I feel that even though they appear to be cold to us they are just trying to protect themselves. Try thinking of how much better you feel about yourself now and not how much you miss them. Once I moved out I felt that I could breath again. Once I found out about BPD it felt like a weight was lifted off of me. I am getting back to my old self. Yes I miss her and I still love her but I have accepted that only she can change herself and I have to get on with my life and my goals.

[topknot]

Oh Emelie,  girlfriend,  we are here... . I came home one night and saw his big old comfy couch chair he used to sit in and say,"Hi gal, missed you" with that charming smile. I just stood there, being all dirty and sweaty from working all day (I am a groomer), and sobbed from my soul. I said this is not fair, cried until my dogs came to comfort me, and then stopped. I figured, is he doing this now? I highly doubt it. So why am I? I always do something good for myself at those times, like take a hot bath, paint my toenails, or call a good friend. Even if I dont want to, I force myself to take care of me, and hope he is drunk on his pity pot again. Hugs... .

[zenwexler]

I think the finality of everything really is scary. But if you think about it is anything ever really final? You're relationship with him at one point you probably thought this was a forever thing. And it ended up not. Just like you your other past relationships and his as well. Everything always seems final until it's not.

I shouldn't be one to talk  but you know what's best. You know you need to let go and leave this in your past. You know he's not a healthy. You know it's impossible to have a happy and healthy relationship with him. You know he has serious serious issues. You know he'll never change and you know you need to let go.

The above should comfort you in a way. This guy who has hurt you so many times is essentially doomed. But you don't have to have that fate unless you chose it. He sadly doesn't get a choice. Just be grateful that you do.

[lifeafter18years]

Hang in there... . our emotions are going to keep going up and down.   Just when we think there will be sunny days ahead, the rain comes out of our eyes and the tidal waves of anxiety take over out of the blue like a storm that just rolls in out of nowhere.  I am here in the same boat. :'(   happy/sad.

[AlwaysForgiving]

Wow... . I literally just found this board yesterday and I am shocked (and comforted) to see story after story that reflect exactly what I am going though and how I am feeling.

My most recent experience (earlier this week) was how I was contacted (after 3 months) the one day she broke up with her current boyfriend and when they got back together the next day, I was no longer needed. All she wanted from me was validation and temporary relief to know that somebody still cares about her... . she did not care at all about how I was doing or what I've been up to.

I basically told her I felt like I wanted to die the first month and suicide was looking like a very appealing option to me at the time and she had NOTHING to say about it.

So, after that, I KNEW I was dealing with somebody who was destructive and I am much better without her in my life. So, hang in there!