Sleep... came back and it is so wonderful

[lifeafter18years]

I have to say I finally slept 8 hours last night-even with my son waking me up in the middle and I was so drowsy- and even woke with my back hurting from sleeping so much.  I usually sleep 2-3 hours and it is more like a nap with my eyes open than sleep. 

Does this mean I am moving on even more?

Last week I had some setbacks and felt real anxious and sad because my STBEXH apologized 2x for not calling me on my birthday/mothers day.-I dont know why he apologizes is he was with her on both those days back to back.

I did not apologize for not calling him on fathers day because he has not acted like one and again was with her and her kids.

I read some articles on Narcissistic behavior that describes him to a T along with the BPD and his Bipolar/Depression/Anxiety.   

I was never going to save/be happy in this MARRIAGE.  He was always set to ruin it before it even began.  I can now see that 18 years just led me to be codependent. :'(   He was always looking for someone else to come along and FEED him what he ALWAYS needs.  I suppose it could have been worse since he wanted me DIFFERENT at times and I did not give in.  If I had given in, I think I would have hated myself then for being manipulated even worse that what he has done.

I have prayed so much to GOD to give me peace, strength, hope, and free my from my anxieties and he has listened and helped me so much.  I know GOD has a plan for me and my kids and I just have to be patient and see... . meanwhile I continue to work on myself. 

I go to the gym everyday to work out my anxieties and I have lost over 40lbs in less than 2 months.  I feel better and have been able to get off medications for diabetes that I let my eating control.

I still have a long ways to getting back into full shape but I am going to get there... . I hope my pancreas will love me again and work so that I will not need any medications at all.

Has anyone out there started moving on when they were finally able to sleep?  I hope it lasts now because I do not enjoy racoon eyes.

[AwakenedOne]

I have prayed so much to GOD to give me peace, strength, hope, and free my from my anxieties and he has listened and helped me so much.  I know GOD has a plan for me and my kids and I just have to be patient and see... .

Hi lifeafter18years,

Yeah, sleep is important. With all the stress and emotions going on our bodies need the rest. Just after my breakup I got almost no sleep for weeks then things started to get better after about a month, less nightmares too.

It's good you still have your faith in God. That's exactly how I feel also. First I wondered why God allowed my marriage to end or even why it had to end. But a member at this site told me once that God saved me and got me out of the marriage before it was too late and gave me a chance at a real life now with someone who will actually love me. I believe this.

I hope things continue to get better in your life.

Peace,

AO

[thelword]

Glad that you are able to sleep! I have been having terrible insomnia since my split.  Can't wait till I can sleep .

[Panda39]

ZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz     So essential!

Keep up that exercise,  that will help with sleep too.

[mywifecrazy]

 Hey LA18 glad to hear you were able to get some rest. It is ESSENTIAL!

I remember those sleepless nights lying in bed with your whole life replaying in your head. Lying in bed crying till my whole body hurt. It sucked but is was/is part of the process you must go through to come out on the other sided HEALED AND HEALTHY. Some people try to rush the process or bury their feelings and become bitter for the rest of their lives.

Hang in there. It wasn't Gods desire that any of our marriages failed. They failed as a result of people using their free will to do as they please. The good news is that God will turn your biggest hurt into your greatest blessing if you seek him in your life.  I'm doing that and have seen many positive changes in my life even in the middle of the storm.

[lifeafter18years]

Thank you all for the comments... . I slept again for 9 hours and feel good!  I still feel lonely but know that is going to take time.    .  I will keep reminding myself of all the bad things so that my brain does not try to think of only good... .

Thank you for listening and those that responded.