Written communication with a BPD

[enlighten me]

As Ive looked back through previous messages from my ex I have noticed how spiteful and full of venom some were that at the time didn't seem strange.

Another thing I noticed though was the amount of exclamation marks she used. Has anyone else noticed this?

Its almost as if her inner turmoil was being projected onto the screen.

[LostGhost]

Wow, what a strange parallel to my relationship. She didn't use exclamation marks when she was upset though but she used them for literally everything else. Example:

"I just woke up! How are you doing today?"

She even told me once that she would selectively weed candidates out on match.com if they didn't use enough exclamation marks in their messages. She also had a zero tolerance policy for people who expressed a single negative thought or emotion and she stuck to this with a vengeance.

I could tell when she was upset if her communications suddenly stopped having exclamation marks and just became periods.

[enlighten me]

The more I think about it the more out of place the exclamation marks seem.

As you said lost ghost it appears the more wound up she is the less exclamation marks are used.

Just had another flick through her messages and its all very odd. She said "Just taken after finishing his dairylea sandwich, not sure how much went in the mouth!" This is about a picture of our son. A normal ending for me would be a full stop and then maybe a smiley.

But her endings always seem to be angry.

It appears to be another red flag to add to the list.

[gdad]

As Ive looked back through previous messages from my ex I have noticed how spiteful and full of venom some were that at the time didn't seem strange.

Another thing I noticed though was the amount of exclamation marks she used. Has anyone else noticed this?

Its almost as if her inner turmoil was being projected onto the screen.

Always an angry ending. Multiple exclamation marks when calling me names!  ALL CAPS ALSO! 

And a one word sentence after a demand. like ,

You better do this. Period.

[shellsh0cked]

Here's some of the fun I endured... .Don't feel alone.  Read... .from an email.  


How unnecessary was it for you to block me? Really? I didn't even give you a reason to do that XXXX. I had nothing left to even say to you. You could've just told me over text that you wanted to cease the conversation in a nice way... .why would you do that? You're not a good person, are you? You really don't care, do you? I guess I knew this last June. I'm so stupid for continuing to give you chance after chance after chance when you really don't care about me! You called me this morning with fake crying! Fake! You're a fake person! It's so good your out of my life! And you wouldn't have even felt guilty if I had gone through with what I was going to go through with! You've turned into such a selfish, heartless human being! You fit the description of that disorder to the T! Something is VERY :WROONNNGGG with you! Good riddance MF! Next to XXXXXX, I've never hated anyone as much as I hate you.

SO glad I am away from her now.  She's still wrecking lives... .but not mine anymore.  I blocked her because we broke up and she was still torturing me daily... .The "fake" crying was from her raking me over the coals because I was upset because a 38 year old friend of mine had a massive heart attack and died... .I was on the way to his funeral... .the "gone through" was about one of her "suicide" attempts.  For attention really.  The "disorder" she is referring to is that she said I was a narcissist... .she was normal, but I had "incurable narcissism".  I know better now, but at the time she had me convinced I was the problem... .That's how I lived.   But yeah... .screaming is how it's done with them.  Served up with some guilt mirroring on the side if the abuse wasn't enough.  Hang in there y'all.  

[enlighten me]

I looked back at early messages and its the use of exclamation marks that seemed so odd.

Maybe it could be added to a list of red flags to act as a warning as so many others seem to have experienced the same thing.

[gdad]

hey shellshocked

All of this looks like projection to me. The punctuation looks strangely familiar !  


You're not a good person, are you? You really don't care, do you? I guess I knew this last June. I'm so stupid for continuing to give you chance after chance after chance when you really don't care about me! You called me this morning with fake crying! Fake! You're a fake person! It's so good your out of my life! And you wouldn't have even felt guilty if I had gone through with what I was going to go through with! You've turned into such a selfish, heartless human being! You fit the description of that disorder to the T! Something is VERY :WROONNNGGG with you! Good riddance MF! Next to XXXXXX, I've never hated anyone as much as I hate you.

[Caredverymuch]

As Ive looked back through previous messages from my ex I have noticed how spiteful and full of venom some were that at the time didn't seem strange.

Another thing I noticed though was the amount of exclamation marks she used. Has anyone else noticed this?

Its almost as if her inner turmoil was being projected onto the screen.

Absolutely experienced this with my expBPD as well. An uncanny similarity with regard to the excess and constant explanation marks used!  Some additional over exaggerations he always used were (( and xoxo. Anyone else experience this? 

[enlighten me]

You fit the description of that disorder to the T! Something is VERY :WROONNNGGG with you! Good riddance MF! Next to XXXXXX, I've never hated anyone as much as I hate you. [/i][/b]

What I find interesting is the way it is ended. I've never hated anyone as much as I hate you.

Full stop not exclamation mark. Why?

[shellsh0cked]

You fit the description of that disorder to the T! Something is VERY :WROONNNGGG with you! Good riddance MF! Next to XXXXXX, I've never hated anyone as much as I hate you. [/i][/b]

What I find interesting is the way it is ended. I've never hated anyone as much as I hate you.

Full stop not exclamation mark. Why?

Cause she's a sick BPD.  Since when does anything they do make sense?  Once you get that in your head you can start healing and treating this experience as a bad memory. 

Yes that's classic projection there y'all.   

[stove monkey]

My uBPDw also uses the !

My D and I have also noticed she consistently misspells certain word when deregulating. (ridickules, as in "don't be ridickules) and many more.

Always ends with the anger as well.

When she sends a nice text it is filled excessively with happy emoticons and hearts and xoxo's.

[shellsh0cked]

My uBPDw also uses the !

My D and I have also noticed she consistently misspells certain word when deregulating. (ridickules, as in "don't be ridickules) and many more.

Always ends with the anger as well.

When she sends a nice text it is filled excessively with happy emoticons and hearts and xoxo's.

When we were getting along?  You'd think I was god to her... .on an undeserved pedestal... .but when we weren't, I was worse than the devil! 

That's the power of BPDs... .the highest highs and the lowest lows.  I found the highs weren't worth the lows... .At the cost of my health and my sanity.

[enlighten me]

My uBPDw also uses the !

My D and I have also noticed she consistently misspells certain word when deregulating. (ridickules, as in "don't be ridickules) and many more.

Always ends with the anger as well.

When she sends a nice text it is filled excessively with happy emoticons and hearts and xoxo's.

Now that you mention it my exgf misspells a lot of stuff that I wouldn't expect of her. I picked her up on it once as it was a funny comment stupidly thinking that she would see the funny side of it as well. I got both barrels and told it was the bloody auto correct.

I guess looking back she was dysregulated so not thinking straight.

[losinghope97]

It would be funny if the content of the e-mails weren't so hurtful, but have been noticing the same from my uBPDstbxw.  Hadn't thought to ask anybody here, but mine are full of the same CAPS & ! as if she is yelling through the text or e-mail.

Shellshocked, that message could have been mine, I honestly would have thought it came from my wife, VERBATIM!

(Sends chill up my spine even to type that way)

LH97

[Alex86]

Yeap emoticons, hearts and ! were essential components of any written communication with my ex... .

It is like she "transmitted" all her emotions via messaging.

So this is why we get upset after a message.

[LostGhost]

This thread has begun to frighten me. How is it that a simple nuance in their communication can be mimicked by so many different people. It's frightening to examine all of the parallels in each of our relationships. There are just so many patterns of behaviour that they seem to follow like a blueprint. I can't understand that. Different partners, same stories. So bizarre. I've kept every text/email we ever exchanged. Those exclamation marks used to be endearing and made her "unique". Now they give me PTSD. Everything about her does. Her laugh, her voice, the way she walks kind of awkwardly. She seems to float almost or glide across the ground almost weightless. Makes her seem aloof.

[enlighten me]

It is scary and also fascinating like watching a train wreck.

Its amazing how disordered their mind is. The fact that their writing shows so much about how they are feeling. The spelling mistakes showing that they are disjointed at that time. The exclamation marks that are out of context. Like they are holding back their anger in the words but have to let it out somehow.

From now on this goes on my red flag list along with no long term friends and being too good to be true.

[peiper]

Mine on the other hand always showed a complete lack of emotion when she had split me black. Thats how I always knew shed gone over to the dark side.

[Caredverymuch]

This thread has begun to frighten me. How is it that a simple nuance in their communication can be mimicked by so many different people. It's frightening to examine all of the parallels in each of our relationships. There are just so many patterns of behaviour that they seem to follow like a blueprint. I can't understand that. Different partners, same stories. So bizarre. I've kept every text/email we ever exchanged. Those exclamation marks used to be endearing and made her "unique". Now they give me PTSD. Everything about her does. Her laugh, her voice, the way she walks kind of awkwardly. She seems to float almost or glide across the ground almost weightless. Makes her seem aloof.

I can absolutely say the same.  In fact I have said the same. The way he walked. Was so different. Than anyone I had met before.  Like walking on air.  Hard to describe but the emotion was in the walk as well as everything else.  His laugh was also so unique.  Well... .After reading comments here I guess not at all.  Yes. Its unreal.

[Caredverymuch]

Mine on the other hand always showed a complete lack of emotion when she had split me black. Thats how I always knew shed gone over to the dark side.

No emotion after being split black.  One word answers. Very short sentences no ! And very sparse communication from someone who was smothering you with texts the day before.  How much this site has helped me understand all that I was dumbfounded by prior to coming here. 

[peiper]

Im still amazed at the total lack of emotion and ability to just shut off that she has. Then wants me back. If I hated someone with such venom I wouldnt be trying to get them back in my life.

[LostGhost]

One thing I don't comprehend looking back... .maybe someone has insight. For about a week after we broke up, we were texting still... .perhaps with a large dose of awkwardness and very sporadic. One of the nights in that week, she started texting me like normal again with the excited ! and emoticons. It felt good, I won't lie. It was late at night. She said she was taking a bath. We started talking about scary stories and she asked me to tell her a bunch if frightening dreams or if I'd ever seen anything paranormal in my life. It was a fun conversation. Then for a week it was total silence and them the short one liner texts devoid of ! I asked what was up and that's when she said she needed time and space. Haven't heard from her since.

What happened? Was she just lonely that one night? Was she in transition between me and the new old guy (her ex)?

[enlighten me]

Something I found interesting was Ive just had an email from my uBPDexw. The two sentences had 3 exclamation marks where a full stop was more appropriate.

It seems that if the my theory of them using punctuation inappropriate to the text means theyre awash with emotions due to writing to you and have you painted white then I am back being white with the ex wife.

As opposed to the bland correctly punctuated messages from my exgf which show I am well and truly painted black.