Suggestion on NC and How to Do It

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

Breaking NC is a no-win.

She either responds and the cycle starts over again, or she doesn't respond and thereby conveys the message that we don't matter to her in the least.  It's a no-win either way.

What really helped me with NC is when I blocked HER.  Thoroughly and completely - block from Facebook, get a good call / text blocker app for your phone, block from email and don't check your email trash folder.  This helped me get over the pain.  I would decide, "Well, I won't contact her any more!" and then I'd realize she was making no attempt to contact me, and that would bother me. 

Now I have no way of knowing if she's even attempted to contact me, and that is a great burden removed.

Of course if she did contact me, things would cycle back - or else I'd have a day or a week of hell as I resisted responding.

[Graceland]

Breaking NC is a no-win.

She either responds and the cycle starts over again, or she doesn't respond and thereby conveys the message that we don't matter to her in the least.  It's a no-win either way.

What really helped me with NC is when I blocked HER.  Thoroughly and completely - block from Facebook, get a good call / text blocker app for your phone, block from email and don't check your email trash folder.  This helped me get over the pain.  I would decide, "Well, I won't contact her any more!" and then I'd realize she was making no attempt to contact me, and that would bother me. 

Now I have no way of knowing if she's even attempted to contact me, and that is a great burden removed.

Of course if she did contact me, things would cycle back - or else I'd have a day or a week of hell as I resisted responding.

[learnandgrow]

I agree with you. It's not no contact if you leave the door open in any way. Even if you're seeing her social media or leaving the number unblocked. Truth be told, I'm guilty of not getting rid of it all yet. I still occasionally peak... .and I have to stop... .but a part of me wants to see so badly that she's not as happy as she pretends to be.

[Lion Fire]

Totally agree, NC has empowered me.

In my case I haven't initiated contact since we split but I responded several times to her and this kept the negative cycle going.

I have blocked her on every front incl. my email but some of her emails have been slipping through. At the moment she is using a gentle approach to engage me, bordering on pleading with me. I have not responded but it does play with my emotions and it gets in the way.

Can anyone give some tips on how to block someone on Mail Version 7.3 for Mac?

I have followed the online instructions but her messages keep slipping through. I assigned her address to be deleted. Is there another way? My email address is my work email and I can't change it. Please help! 

NC has given me strength. For me it's says NO MORE to her. I am able to stand my ground, own my power and send a strong message to her that I am no longer available to her. My self respect and esteem has improved tenfold since I've been blanking her. A relationship with her in any form is not good for me.

NC has been the safest way to get space from her and it has allowed me to detach and go through my healing process unobstructed by her demands and volatile moods.

I find that my stregth grows with every day of NC.

[heartandwhole]

Hi Graceland,

I've read your backstory and am very sorry about your abrupt breakup, that is very painful and shocking to the system.    I went through something similar, and it was very difficult.  I'm glad that you have found some peace with time and distance.

NC can be a great tool, and in your case, it seems like it has helped a lot.  As I'm sure you know, the most important part of NC is having space to recover, and time to heal. Do you have any tips regarding self care during this time?

Where are you in the detachment process, do you think? ––––––––––––––>

I'm so glad that you found the forum and are sharing your experiences.  Welcome!

heartandwhole