10 weeks free and angry a lot

[refusetosuccumb]

Grrrrrrrr

Kids are doing well so I know my decision was the right one.

I am so angry the past 2 weeks. Angry thaty ex put us in this situation by refusing to get help. By blaming me for our situation (he cheated but remains firm it was my fault for taking his kids away from him).  I stuck true to my sense of selfworth but am still very angry.

Ex called to talk to the kids last night. Then he asked my son to hand me the phone. Im attempting to keep the peace for them so I took the phone. Ex was pleasant. Then he asked if I would take him grocery shopping. I sighed and that set him off for making him feel like crap. Now Im angry that I still have to walk on eggshells while dealing with him. I told him not to call and ask for favours. Hes taking the kids tomorrow while I work so he needed groceries. He doesnt drive.  So now Im struggling with guilt. But Im angry at him for asking and me for setting him off.

Need some words of wisdom. What is wrong with me? I want NC but with kids LC is what is realistic.

[irishmarmot]

You are not responsible for taking care of him in anyway.  He is an adult, he can walk to the grocery store.  Being angry is normal so just ride it out and don't act out.  Whether LC or NC the goal is to detach from him so that his actions don't affect your daily sense of well-being.  It's not easy, it doesn't come overnight but you have taken action to get out of an unhappy and unhealthy relationship.   Congratulations you have courage, and you will have setbacks.  Glad you are posting here.

[refusetosuccumb]

Thank you so much.

Im trying to channel my energy. My kids need a non angry, non sad mom. The split is hard enough for them. I have to lead with a strpng example. But it feels so fake... I want to cry and yell. But I cant so I post.

[heartandwhole]

refusetosuccumb,

There is nothing wrong with you.  I echo irishmarmot's sentiments that you have taken a courageous step and deserve a lot of credit for leaving an unhealthy situation. Negotiating the aftermath is a challenge that will bring up all kinds of feelings. I would feel angry, too, if I found myself continuing to walk on eggshells.   

I totally understand wanting to be strong for the children, and that makes it hard to express your emotions. Do you have a T or friend you can talk to when you need support?

If you can, use the pent up energy of anger to do something good for yourself, something that benefits YOU and/or your kids.  Is there a project or activity that you can put energy into right now? Fighting for something (instead of against) is a great way to channel it.

You'll get through this.  Keep posting and sharing.  We're listening. 

[refusetosuccumb]

Just got back from the pool. Its about 2km from here. My neighbours joined us and offered to drive us. I asked them to take the kids and tjat I would walk. I yelled and screamed and power walked, both ways. Im now calm enough to cook supper ((our favourite homemade chicken nuggets with icecream for a side dish). Then watching a movie with the kids. Im not good company today but thats ok. A movie is good to distract me without effort.

I usually call my sis but shes out of reach today. I have a T that is terrific

But cant call her today either.

Thanks for calling me brave. On my good days I believe it. On tough days I feel like I ran away but thats just the guilt talking. Damn FOG.

[Tausk]

Hey there Refuse:  

Hang in there.  Have you looked at the coparenting board?   The leaving board can help us to depersonalize and detach individua.ly by learning about the disorder and how to responds.  But some of the specific behind coparenting, boundaries... .can be found in the coparenting.

And don't forget the divorce board as well.  Read the boards, the suggested readings, post your specifics... .and learn.

You're in the right place.  I think your kids are lucky to have you.

T