My heart attack, her suicide attempt(s).

[Depression = 72% of members]

   I really would like peoples thoughts on this to maybe help me realize how thoughtless she really was and how lucky I am to be NC for over 2 months. My uBPDxgf quit her job and needed to move out of her apartment. She was reluctantly moving in with a cousin who was her only alternative because she severed all relationships recently with a few girlfriends and family. I know she wanted to move in with me but we didn't even have that discussion. At her apartment while helping move her out she took a handful of pills which I seen her do. I called 911, went to the hospital with her and then visited her at psych. hospital. This was one week before my heart attack, which she did show concern for me. Then two weeks after my heart attack she did it again AT MY HOUSE! She was distressed that evening over living at her cousins and at 4a.m. pulled another overdose manipulation. I call it that because in both instances she didn't need her stomach pumped and was not made to vomit, just monitored. I stopped to see her later that day at the medical hospital. She then went to another psych. hospital out of town. While there she blocked her phone to everbody for a few days. When I talked to her I told her I would pick her up at the bus terminal. Took her to my house to get her car and I'm not sure what I said that offended her but her parting words were "you just put the last nail in the coffin". WHAT! The next evening she called me and accused me of taking papers out of her car(suicide note related papers). I then proceeded to read her the riot act and said things to her which I should have said to her a long time ago(things that showed that I new what she was doing, I more or less exposed her). I couldn't believe she didn't hang up or argue, I occassionally asked are you still there which she was and when I was done I said I had to go and just hung up. One of the few times I hung up on her. That was the last time I talked to her, she changed her # for the 10th time since I know her. Yes I did try to call her # after a couple of weeks. I can't believe there was no apology or words of any kind. Between my bouts of anger I still think about her and wonder if she's ok . I waver between justifying that she's mentally ill and hating her. Sorry for the long post. I appreciate any comments.

[sherlock3]

   I really would like peoples thoughts on this to maybe help me realize how thoughtless she really was and how lucky I am to be NC for over 2 months. My uBPDxgf quit her job and needed to move out of her apartment. She was reluctantly moving in with a cousin who was her only alternative because she severed all relationships recently with a few girlfriends and family. I know she wanted to move in with me but we didn't even have that discussion. At her apartment while helping move her out she took a handful of pills which I seen her do. I called 911, went to the hospital with her and then visited her at psych. hospital. This was one week before my heart attack, which she did show concern for me. Then two weeks after my heart attack she did it again AT MY HOUSE! She was distressed that evening over living at her cousins and at 4a.m. pulled another overdose manipulation. I call it that because in both instances she didn't need her stomach pumped and was not made to vomit, just monitored. I stopped to see her later that day at the medical hospital. She then went to another psych. hospital out of town. While there she blocked her phone to everbody for a few days. When I talked to her I told her I would pick her up at the bus terminal. Took her to my house to get her car and I'm not sure what I said that offended her but her parting words were "you just put the last nail in the coffin". WHAT! The next evening she called me and accused me of taking papers out of her car(suicide note related papers). I then proceeded to read her the riot act and said things to her which I should have said to her a long time ago(things that showed that I new what she was doing, I more or less exposed her). I couldn't believe she didn't hang up or argue, I occassionally asked are you still there which she was and when I was done I said I had to go and just hung up. One of the few times I hung up on her. That was the last time I talked to her, she changed her # for the 10th time since I know her. Yes I did try to call her # after a couple of weeks. I can't believe there was no apology or words of any kind. Between my bouts of anger I still think about her and wonder if she's ok . I waver between justifying that she's mentally ill and hating her. Sorry for the long post. I appreciate any comments.

[LettingGo14]

Hello sherlock3.  I am sorry you have faced so much in such rapid succession.   In your introductory post, you made some really good points that I'd like to highlight here.

Hi everybody, I've been nc with BPDxgf for over 2 months now. I was with her for over a year with the occassional nc for days at a time which I never quite understood. She wore me down gradually both physically and emotionally. She made me doubt what type of person I was (good, bad, selfish,etc.,etc.).

It is amazing how the erosion happens gradually and then dramatically.  Many of us are left feeling doubtful about who we are, and we question what we've become.  This is very normal.

Early on, I printed this list, and read it over and over: Surviving a Breakup with Someone Suffering with Borderline Personality Disorder - 10 Beliefs That Can Get You Stuck

I wanted to make this post short and to the point but I'm missing a good year of details which include bizarre mood swing, rages ,accusations, insults, disrespect, and manipulations from her. I'm still angry and dealing with her departure and wondering why I still think of her. I miss what was, at one point and I can't believe I put up with the abuse for so long. I look forward to any feedback and I appreciate everbody here for all the information which has helped me tremendously with understanding BPD and what I've been dealing with. Thanks for the support.

What you are feeling is very normal.  Have you read about the FOG (Fear, Obligation, and Guilt)?   Workshop - US: What it means to be in the “FOG”

Keep posting.  We're here for you.