Starting to take back control.

[GlitterBug]

So last night after torturing myself some more with reading boastful Facebook posts and reminding myself of just how devalued I know am to the people I thought really cared about me.

I made my decision to take back some control and to stop remuniating and searching for answers in places that only bring about more hurt.

Although pwBPD blocked me months ago after painting me Black, others who were mutually close have slowly but surely dropped away and my efforts to communicate by text of FB were now being ignored.

Last night I systematically blocked every deleted everyone from that chapter in my life without exception.

I know that pwBPD was still looking at my posts through mutual friends and family members even after giving me the whole 'stay out of my life' speech 7 months ago.

IT feels strangely freeing and satisfying to know that she will no longer be able to creep around behind a screen looking at the little details of my life on social media whilst she continues to paint me Black.

I have now made myself 'disappear' to these people and I know that will drive her even more nuts than she already is because I know she still felt she had some sort of tenuous connection to me, should she ever consider breaking NC in months of years to come; now I have taken that choice away from her, I can imagine she will not be best pleased.

But above anything, I finally feel free of torturing myself by looking on social media and 'missing' the life and people I knew. Its tough to think I will never know these people again but then I don't think I ever really new them at all.

Now it's time to re-build

[LettingGo14]

Now it's time to re-build

Yes.  Yes.  Yes.

That is a powerful testament, GB.   Thank you for writing it.

[Caramel]

Hi GlitterBug

Unfortunately my ex did the same thing to me. He painted me black and convinced our friends that I was a horrible person too. I lost very close friends because of that.

It was difficult to see  friends distancing themselves from me. I had gone through enough devaluation. I needed support after our breakup and some of my friends chose to withhold that from me.

Seeing their posts and pictures with my ex did not make it easier.

It's OK. It's at difficult times when we recognise our true friends.

I have deactivated my facebook account for over 4 months now. It has helped me a lot with moving on. It has given me time to focus my energy on myself instead of on what my ex is doing and how he is feeling.

I also wrote those friends an email, thanked them for their friendship and memories and said goodbye to them. Very liberating considering that one of my main fears is fear of loss. Guess what? I lost them. Nothing happened.  

We will miss them for sure but we don't need in our lives.

You did the right thing.

You are going to be fine and this time you will be even stronger.

Enjoy your  new life. Make the best out of it.